Democalypse 2012 - V.P. Debate: Battle for the Historical Footnote

  • Aired:  10/15/12
  •  | Views: 71,465

Vice President Joe Biden steps up his game during his debate with Paul Ryan. (5:22)

( THEME SONG PLAYING ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: WELCOME TO THE DAILY SHOW.

THANK YOU.

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

OUR GUEST TONIGHT, VERY EXCITING, J.K. ROWLING WILL BE JOINING US.

AN UP-AND-COMING YOUNG NOVELIST.

AND I THINK INDEED.

LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING VERY QUICKLY.

WE DON'T TAPE ON FRIDAYS.

LAST WEEK WE ARE UNABLE TO COVER LAST THURSDAY'S MOST IMPORTANT TELEVISED EVENT.

NO, NOT THE C.W.'S REBOOT OF GIRL FALLS FOR CAT FACED FANTASY MONSTER TV SERIES BEAUTY AND THE BEAST WHICH IF I MAY SAY WITHOUT

RON PERELMAN, WHAT THE [BLEEP], WHY EVEN BOTHER?

BUT I'M TALKING ABOUT... WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE VICE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE.

THAT... WELL, THAT'S A GOOD TITLE.

ACTUALLY, BEAUTY AND THE BEAST COULD HAVE WORKED AS WELL.

IF YOU REALLY THINK ABOUT IT.

OF COURSE, PRE-DEBATE THINGS LOOKED VERY BAD FOR THE DEMOCRATS A THE FIRST PRESIDENTIAL SHOWDOWN THE

DEMOCRAT CANDIDATE, IF YOU REMEMBER, MISSED IT.

IN THIS DEBATE, THEY'RE GOING TO BE RELYING ON CRAZY UNCLE JOE BIDEN FOR DAMAGE CONTROL.

GOOD LUCK WITH THAT LOOSE CANNON.

>> TAKE A LOOK AT THE FACTS.

IT CUTS EDUCATION BY $450 BILLION.

$2600 LESS IN SOCIAL SECURITY.

19 MILLION PEOPLE OFF MEDICAID.

200,000 CHILDREN OFF EARLY EDUCATION.

SAVE $156 BILLION RIGHT OFF THE BAT.

>> Jon: WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH CRAZY JOE BIDEN?

YOU'RE GOING TO REACH IN YOUR PANTS AND OUT [BLEEP].

NOT ONLY WAS BIDEN NOT HIS LOVABLE GAFFE-TAS TIC TOUR HE MUST HAVE UPPEDDED HIS PRESCRIPTION BECAUSE HE WAS

FACT-CHECKING THIS DEBATE IN REALTIME.

>> 7.4 MILLION SENIORS ARE PROJECTED TO LOSE THE CURRENT MEDICARE ADVANTAGE COVERAGE THEY HAVE.

THAT'S A $3200 BENEFIT CUT.

WHAT WE'RE SAYING...

>> MORE PEOPLE SIGNED UP IT'S A PLAN I PUT TOGETHER WITH A PROMINENT DEMOCRAT SENATOR

>> THERE'S NOT ONE DEMOCRAT WHO ENDORSES IT

>> WE PUT IT TOGETHER WITH FORMER CLINTON BUDGET DIRECTOR

>> WHO DISAVOWS YOU CAN CUT TAXES BY 20% AND STILL...

>> NOT MATHEMATICALLY POSSIBLE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: HE WAS JUST THROWING THEM ALL OUT THERE.

SORRY, PAUL.

NUMBERWISE YOU'VE GOT YOUR HEAD UP YOUR ASS.

SORRY, PAUL, ONE PLUS ONE EQUALS BULL [BLEEP].

I HAVE AN IDEA.

WHO HAS EDDIE MUNSTER'S AIR CUT FOR BRAINS?

IT'S THIS GUY.

ONE OF THE GREAT PLEASURES OF THURSDAY NIGHT WAS WATCHING HOW MANY DIFFERENT WAYS BIDEN IMPLIED PAUL RYAN WAS LYING

OUTACTUALLY SAYING THE WORD "LIE."

>> NOT A SINGLE THING HE SAID IS ACCURATE.

>> THAT'S A BIZARRE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT WORLD...

WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT?

>> I WISH HE WOULD JUST BE A LITTLE MORE CANDID.

>> WITH ALL DUE RESPECT THAT'S A BUNCH OF MALARKY.

>> Jon: WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, THAT'S A BUNCH OF MALARKY.

THAT'S SUCH A WEIRD COMBINATION OF GANGSTER AND OLD-TIMEY IRISH COLLOQUIALISM LIKE FELLOWS MEETS THE QUIET MAN.

HEY, WITH ALL DUE RESPEC, THAT'S A BUNCH OF MALARKY.

NOT FOR NOTHING.

TOP OF THE MORNING TO YOU.

JOE BIDEN WAS ALL OVER THE COURT SOMETIMES PLAYING THE MODERATOR, SOMETIMES TAKING THE GAME RIGHT TO THE VIEWERS AT HOME

>> DID THEY JUST ALLOW MEDICAID TO BARGAIN FOR THE COST OF DRUGS LIKE MEDICAID CAN.

THAT WOULD SAVE $156 BILL RIGHT OFF THE BAT

>> IT WOULD DENY SENIORS CHOICES.

>> THEY ARE NOT DENIED... LOOK, FOLKS, ALL YOU SENIORS OUT THERE, HAVE YOU BEEN DENIED CHOICES?

>> Jon: FIRST OF ALL, HOW DID HE KNOW THAT I WAS A SENIOR?

SECOND OF ALL, I LOVE THAT.

COME ON, SENIORS, LOOK, I'M ONE OF YOU.

LOOK AT ME.

I'M FALLING APART OVER HERE.

WHO ARE YOU GOING TO BELIEVE THE GUY WHO ONLY HAS HAIR TODAY BECAUSE OF ONE VERY UNHAPPY ALPACA?

I MEAN, COME ON.

COME ON.

OTHERWISE THEY D

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