Women's War Daily

  • Aired:  01/28/13
  •  | Views: 27,823

Outgoing Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta announces that women will be allowed to serve in front-line combat, but objections are raised. (4:26)

>> Jon: WELCOME TO THE DAILY SHOW.

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

MY GUEST IS BOB COSTAS.

BOB COSTAS.

HE'S GOING TO BE JOINING US ON THE PROGRAM.

WE'RE GOING TO BEGIN WITH BIG NEWS OUT OF WASHINGTON.

IN THESE RECENT YEARS OF PERPETUAL WAR OUR MILITARY HAD TO ADDRESS SOME STANDARD ISSUES

IN ORDER TO KEEP ENLISTMENTS UP THEY'VE LOOSENED THEIR EDUCATIONAL REQUIREMENTS, THEIR

"HAVE YOU COMMITTED A FELONY" REQUIREMENTS.

BUT NOW THEY'RE DROPPING THE BIGGEST BARRIER TO COMBAT ROLES YET.

THE [BLEEP] AND BALLS REQUIREMENT.

>> LEON PANETTA ANNOUNCED THE MILITARY WILL LET WOMEN SERVE IN FRONT LINE COMBAT UNITS

INCLUDING INFANTRY, ARMOR, ARTILLERY EVEN POTENTIALLY SPECIAL FORCES

>> Jon: WOW.

FIRST GAYS, NOW WOMEN.

WHAT'S NEXT?

NONCITIZENS?

OH, REALLY?

FOR HUNDREDS OF YEARS BEFORE BOTH THOSE OTHER GROUPS?

THE POINT IS TO IT'S A MAJOR POLICY SHIFT.

THERE ARE BOUND TO BE DETRACTORS

>> THERE ARE CERTAIN ANATOMICAL FACTS ABOUT UPPER BODY STRENGTH.

YOUR 6'4 ," 240 POUND MARINE YOU'RE INJURED AND YOU NEED THE MARINE NEXT TO YOU CARRY BACK TO SAFETY.

YOUR THE MARINE NEXT TO YOU IS A 5'4 "WOMEN WHO WEIGHS 115 POUNDS.

>> Jon: YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TONS AND TONS.

(MUMBLING) WITH THEIR WEE LITTLE HANDS AND THEIR WEE LITTLE FEET.

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THEM EAT.

THEY PICK UP A DINNER ROLL LIKE THIS.

AND A TINE HE LITTLE SHARP TEETH.

WAIT A MINUTE.

I'M THINKING OF MICE.

MICE SHOULD NOT BE SERVING IN THE MILITARY.

NO MATTER HOW ADORABLE THEY MIGHT BE.

SERGEANT WHISKERS, I CAN'T NAPALM YOU.

AS FOR THE WOMAN ARE TOO WEAK EUMENT IT WOULD BE A BAD IDEA TO SEND THE LINEBACKER TO FIGHT

SIDE BY SIDE WITH THE PIXIE REGIMENT.

MAYBE THE MILITARY COULD HAVE A REQUIREMENT PERTAINING TO PHYSICAL FITNESS.

MAYBE A PHYSICAL FITNESS REQUIREMENT.

OF COURSE THAT WON'T ADDRESS THE REAL PROBLEM OF HAVING WOMEN IN THE PEELED

>> BRINGING WOMEN INTO COMBAT IS INEVITABLY GOING TO CHANGE UNIT CO-HE'S I HAVE BEENNESS BECAUSE

SEX IS INEVITABLE.

EROS IS A VERY POWERFUL AND IRRATIONAL PASSION

>> Jon: EROS IS A VERY POWERFUL AND IRRATIONAL PASSION.

THAT IS A TERRIBLE ARGUMENT FOR KEEPING WOMEN OUT OF COMBAT BUT A WONDERFUL CAMPAIGN FOR A NEW FRAGRANCE.

FOR THE IRRATIONAL PASSION IN YOU, EROS.

I WISH I HAD KNOWN THAT WHEN I WAS 18.

LISTEN.

MAYBE YOU PUT A LID ON THIS SEXUAL MISBEHAVIOR BY AGAIN HAVE SOME SORT OF STANDARD OR CODE

THAT GOVERNS HOW THE MILITARY CONDUCTS ITSELF.

SOME KIND OF A MILITARY CODE OF CONDUCT, IF YOU WILL.

BUT EVEN THAT WON'T ADDRESS THE BIGGEST HAZARD LADIES PRESENT OUR FIGHTING MEN.

>> IF YOU HAD TO GO TO A REST ROOM, PEE IN A BOTTLE INCHES FROM THE COMRADE NEXT TO YOU.

IF YOU DEVELOP DYSENTERY YOU HAD TO POOH IN A BAG INCHES FROM YOUR COMRADE'S FACE.

INTRODUCING WOMEN INTO THAT ENVIRONMENT CAN BE REALLY TRAUMATIC AND HUMILIATING.

>> Jon: I'M GOING TO JUMP IN HERE.

FIRST OF ALL, I KNOW A LOT OF GERMAN BUSINESSMEN WHO WOULD PAY GOOD MONEY FOR THAT.

SECONDLY, YOU'RE IN A WAR ZONE.

YOU'RE IN A WAR ZONE AND YOUR BIG WORRY IS DYING OF EMBARRASSMENT?

AND BY THE WAY, I THINK I FIGURED SOMETHING OUT HERE.

IF MEN ARE GOING TO BE POOHING INCHES FROM THEIR FEMALE COMRADE'S FACE, I BELIEVE THAT

SOLVES YOUR EROS PROBLEM.

EROS IS IRRATIONAL BUT IT'S

Loading...