Jon Stewart Press Conference

  • Aired:  06/07/11
  •  | Views: 449,331

Jon takes full responsibility for not covering the Anthony Weiner press conference. (5:51)

>> HERE COMES JON STEWART NOW.

LET'S LISTEN IN.

(LAUGHTER)

>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR BEING

HERE.

I WANTED TO TAKE SOME TIME TO

CLEAR UP SOME OF THE QUESTIONS

THAT HAVE BEEN RAISED ABOUT MY

BEHAVIOR OVER THE PAST TEN DAYS

OR SO AND...

(LAUGHTER)

TO TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR

MY ACTIONS.

I... I HAVE MADE SOME MISTAKES

AND I HAVE HURT THOSE CLOSEST TO

ME.

(LAUGHTER)

LAST FRIDAY NIGHT A CONGRESSMAN

WHOSE NAME IS SYNONYMOUS WITH A

SEXUAL ORGAN...

(LAUGHTER).

SENT A PHOTO OF-- IT-- TO A

YOUNG WOMAN ON TWITTER.

IT WAS BY ANY STANDARDS A GIFT

FROM THE COMEDY... WHATEVER IT

IS COMEDIANS HAVE THAT TAKES THE

PLACE OF A GOD.

(LAUGHTER)

LAST WEEK, WE SPENT THREE DAYS

ON THIS STORY.

WE DID OVER 59 JOKES.

(LAUGHTER)

NINE PENIS PUNS.

WE USED AN R. KELLY IMPERSONATOR

TO PROVIDE "TRAPPED IN THE

CLOSET" STYLE COMMENTARY.

AND I...

(LAUGHTER).

AND I PERSONALLY SAID THE WORD

(BLEEP) TEN TIMES.

(LAUGHTER)

I ACKNOWLEDGE...

(APPLAUSE).

I ACKNOWLEDGE A PERSONAL

FRIENDSHIP WITH THE CONGRESSMAN

AND YET EXPRESS MY BELIEF THAT

HE WAS NOT BEING HONEST AND THAT

IF THE WORST OF HIS ALLEGATIONS

WERE, IN FACT, TRUE, HE SHOULD

RESIGN AND THEN I SAID THE WORD

(BLEEP) AGAIN.

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

OH, THAT'S NICE.

I RECOGNIZE NOW THAT IT WAS NOT

ENOUGH.

YESTERDAY, CONGRESSMAN WEINER

CONFESSED THAT THE PENIS IN

QUESTION WAS, IN FACT, HIS OWN.

(LAUGHTER)

HE DID SO AT A PRESS

CONFERENCE...

(LAUGHTER).

HE DID SO AT A PRESS CONFERENCE

AT 4:30 IN THE AFTERNOON.

WE TAPE OUR PROGRAM AT 6:00 P.M.

I MADE THE DECISION TO DO A

COUPLE OF WEANER JOKES, MENTION

THE PRESS CONFERENCE BUT TO

MOSTLY STICK TO THE SCRIPT THAT

WE'D ALREADY WRITTEN ABOUT JOHN

EDWARDS AND SARAH PALIN.

THIS WAS MY DECISION.

(LAUGHTER)

MY DECISION ALONE.

I RECOGNIZE HOW WRONG I WAS.

(LAUGHTER)

DELICIOUS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

(LAUGHTER)

(LAUGHTER)

THAT'S NOT GOOD.

(LAUGHTER)

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

I'M PROBABLY GOING TO NEED TO GO

TO THE HOSPITAL.

(LAUGHTER)

(BLEEP) I BROUGHT PAIN TO PEOPLE

I CARE ABOUT-- MY STAFF, MY

AUDIENCE, MY BEAUTIFUL AND

EXOTIC FAMILY.

(LAUGHTER)

I DO NOT EXPLICITLY STATE THAT I

THOUGHT MR. WEINER HAD BEEN

DECEITFUL LAST NIGHT, THAT HE

WAS A LIAR AND THAT I BELIEVED

HIS PANTS TO BE ON FIRE.

(LAUGHTER)

ALTHOUGH, LUCKILY FOR THE

CONGRESSMAN, IT APPEARS HE HAS A

FIRE SAFETY SYSTEM ON BOARD.

(LAUGHTER)

ANYWAY, FOR THESE REASONS,

UNLIKE THE CONGRESSMAN, I HAVE

DECIDED TO STEP DOWN

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

NO, EVERYONE, PLEASE.

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