The War on Christmas: Friendly Fire Edition

  • Aired:  12/03/12
  •  | Views: 802,422

For Fox News, the war on Christmas has become a rote observance devoid of all its original meaning. (7:23)

>> Jon: WELCOME TO THE DAILY SHOW.

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

GOT A GOOD ONE FOR YOU TONIGHT.

DENIS LEARY WILL BE ON THE PROGRAM, AUTHOR OF THE NEW YORK, MERRY [BLEEP] CHRISTMAS.

AM I READING THAT TITLE CORRECTLY?

I�i CAN ONLY ASSUME IT'S A DELIGHTFUL ROMP TO HOLIDAY COOKING AND DECORATING.

LEARY LOVES CRAFTING.

SPEAKING OF CHRISTMAS, YOU PROBABLY ARE AWARE BY NOW OUR NATION HAS BEEN EMBROILED IN A

LONG, BITTER WAR.

>> THE FIRST SALVO IN THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS

>> THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS Jon: WAR ON CHRISTMAS!

NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH GWAR ON CHRISTMAS.

TREMENDOUS CHRISTMAS ALBUM.

FOR YEARS NOW CHRISTMAS HAS BEEN UNDER ATTACK DEFENDED BY THE BRAVE SOULS AT FOX NEWS.

ARE THEY STILL UP TO THE TASK?

THAT IS THE SUBJECT OF TONIGHT'S "WAR ON CHRISTMAS, FRIENDLY FIRE" EDITION.

LET'S FACE FACTS.

THE ANNUAL FOX WAR ON CHRISTMAS HAS BECOME A LITTLE PREDICTABLE.

BASICALLY IMAGINE YOU CAN MAKE ONE UP LIKE A MAKE FOX NEWS MAD LIBS.

LET'S SEE.

SO LET'S SEE.

LET'S TRY TO DO ONE OF THESE.

LAST WEEK IN... I NEED THE NAME OF SOME GODLESS LIBERAL BASTION

>> SANTA MONICA.

Jon: THAT WILL DO.

I MEAN FILL IN SANTA MONICA THERE AND IN SANTA MONICA A GROUP OF... GIVE ME THE NAME OF

A SMALL GROUP OF ANNOYING PEOPLE WITH INCREDIBLY LIMITED CONTROL OVER OUR CULTURE

>> ATHEISTS Jon: ATHEISTS WILL DO.

THAT'S RIGHT.

EVERYONE'S FAVORITE UNCLE THAT LIVES IN OREGON THAT NO ONE EVER SEES.

A GROUP OF ATHEISTS HAVE RUINED CHRISTMAS BY FORCING THE REMOVAL OF... I NEED A CLASSIC CHRISTMAS SYMBOL.

(LAUGHING) DAM IT, BRIAN, WE'RE TRYING TO DO SOMETHING HERE.

GO SIT IN THE CAR.

>> A NATIVITY SCENE Jon: THANK YOU, NATIVITY SCENE.

SOME PEOPLE ARE STILL GROWN-UPS OVER THERE.

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT.

SO WE'RE DONE.

LET'S SEE IF WE CAN PUT THAT ALTOGETHER, SHALL WE

>> ATHEE I HAVES SEEMED TO HAVE ENDED A 60-YEAR-OLD CHRISTMAS TRADITION IN SANTA MONICA

CALIFORNIA

>> A FEDERAL JUDGE BACKING SAPT A MONICA'S DECISION TO NO LONGER ALLOW NATIVITY SCENES AT A

PUBLIC PARK

>> Jon: OH, MY GOD, THAT IS SUCH AN OUT... (SNORING).

CHRISTMAS HAS BECOME A ROTE OBSERVANCE.

DEVOID OF ALL ITS ORIGINAL SPIRITUAL MEANING.

EVEN IF IT'S MOST ARDENT OPPONENTS HAVE SEEN DOUBT CREEP?

>> A LOT OF PEOPLE, FOR WHATEVER REASON, WILL LOOK AT THIS INTERVIEW TODAY AND THEY'LL SAY,

GRETCHEN CARLSON AND DOREEN COSTA ARE NUTS.

OKAY.

THEY'RE SO NUTS BECAUSE THEY THINK THAT THERE'S THIS MADE-UP WAR ON CHRISTMAS.

WE'RE NOT NEWS.

ARE WE?

THERE IS A WAR ON CHRISTMAS.

WE'RE NOT NUTS, ARE WE?

THERE IS A WAR ON CHRISTMAS.

>> Jon: AS A GENERAL RULE, IF YOU'RE TRYING TO TELL WHETHER YOU AND ONE OTHER PERSON ARE

NUTS, ASK A THIRD PERSON.

PREFERABLY SOMEONE OUTSIDE THE ASYLUM.

BUT SINCE YOU ASKED THE QUESTION, AM I NUTS TO THINK THERE'S A WAR ON CHRISTMAS IT'S

ONLY RIGHT FOR ME TO OFFER YOU A RESOUNDING [BLEEP] BECAUSE FOR WHATEVER ANNOYING LOCAL

CHRISTMAS-ABOLISHING STORY YOU AND YOUR MERRY BAND OF RESEARCHERS CAN SCOUR THE WIRES

TO TURN UP, THE REST OF US CAN'T SWING A DEAD ELF WITHOUT KNOCKING OVER A GIANT CANDY CANE.

FOR GOD'S SAKE FOX NEWS ITSELF IS IS LOCATED IN MIDTOWN MANHATTAN THE EPICENTER OF ALL

THAT IS GODLESS, SECULAR, GAY, JEWY AND HELL BOUND.

YET EVEN HERE ALL AROUND YOUR STUDIO IT LOOKS LIKE SANTA'S BALLS EXPLODED.

THAT IS A HYPOTHESIS.

YOU KNOW, IN THE OLD DAYS BEFORE THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS, THE CELEBRATION AND THE BIRTH OF

CHRIST LASTED A DAY.

LIKE BIRTHDAYS DO.

THEN IT SEEPED INTO THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS.

THE EVE, IF YOU WILL.

THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, WE WERE RIDING THIS THING ALL THE WAY TO EPIPHANY.

FINE 12 DAYS GAVE TIME FOR LORDS TO LEAP AND PARTRIDGES TO PAIR AND GOLD TO RING AND JUST 12

DAYS OF SERVANTS AND [BLEEP]

POURLTRY, WHATEVER.

BUT IT STILL WASN'T ENOUGH.

THERE'S A WAR ON CHRISTMAS?

HAS ANYONE TOLD THANKSGIVING?

BECAUSE THIS YEAR BLACK FRIDAY, A.K.A. CHRISTMAS' OPENING BELL GOT MOVED BACK A DAY TO BLACK

THURSDAY OR AS WE USED TO CALL IT THANKSGIVING.

CHRISTMAS IS SO BIG NOW, IT'S EATING OTHER HOLIDAYS.

WATCH YOUR ASS, HALLOWEEN, YOU'RE NEXT.

( APPLAUSE ) I MEAN LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.

DO ATHEE I HAVES LAND AN OCCASIONAL BLOW?

I GUESS.

EVEN THE WASHINGTON GENERALS GET LUCKY ONCE IN A WHILE.

BUT WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE OVERALL RECORD BETWEEN THE TWO TEAMS, FOR GOD'S SAKES THERE ARE RADIO

STATIONS THAT PLAY NOTHING BUT CHRISTMAS CAROLS, STORES THAT SELL NOTHING BUT CHRISTMAS

DECORATIONS ALL YEARLONG.

THERE IS A TV CHANNEL DEVOTED TO A YULE LOG.

AND IT'S KICKING CNN'S ASS IN THE RATINGS.

DON'T WORRY, NON- LOG-BURNING CHANNEL, THERE'S CHRISTMAS PROGRAMS FOR YOU AS WELL.

THERE'S TINY TRADITIONAL CHRISTMAS PROGRAMMING, REALLY OLD-TIMEY.

SPECIAL CHRISTMAS PROGRAMMING.

URBAN CHRISTMAS SPECIALS.

MORMON CHRISTMAS SPECIALS.

COUNTRY WESTERN CHRISTMAS SPECIALS.

CHIPMUNKS' CHRISTMAS SPECIALS.

OTTER CHRISTMAS SPECIALS.

BEAR CHRISTMAS SPECIALS.

CAT CHRISTMAS SPECIALS.

LARGE-HEADED CHILD CHRISTMAS.

GAY CHRISTMAS.

JEWISH CHRISTMAS.

WHATEVER THE [BLEEP] THIS IS CHRISTMAS.

CHRISTMAS UNDERWATER.

CHRISTMAS FROM THE FUTURE.

PREHISTORIC CHRISTMAS.

THAT'S RIGHT.

THERE'S A CHRISTMAS SPECIAL CELEBRATING JESUS' BIRTH THOUSANDS OF YEARS BEFORE THE

BIRTH OF JESUS.

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