Hope and Change 2 - Barack Obama: It Could Have Been Worse

  • Aired:  09/06/12
  •  | Views: 281,288

Larry David suggests that Americans consider how f**ked they could've been without President Barack Obama. (4:41)

>> WELCOME BACK.

MOMENTS AGO BARACK OBAMA FORMALLY ACCEPTED THE DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATION BECAUSE --

>> WHOO!

>> Jon: BECAUSE THAT WAS SCHEDULED.

(LAUGHTER) BUT ONLY ACCEPTING AFTER UNVEILING HIS SECRETARY TERM CAMPAIGN FILM EARLIER IN THE EVENING.

WE OF COURSE OBTAINED AN ADVANCE COPY AND-- AS A PUBLIC SERVICE, ARE ABLE TO AIR IT FOR YOU NOW.

ENJOY.

>> 2008, A NATION IN CRISIS.

>> STOCK MARKETS AROUND THE WORLD PLUNGE.

>> SEVERAL DOMINOES HAVE FALLEN.

>> THE DO YOU PLUNGED ANOTHER 508 POINTS.

>> WHO WILL LEAD US OUT OF THIS CRISIS.

>> UNTIL AN AUDACIOUS YOUNG MAN NAMED BARAK HUSSEIN OBAMA POINTED AMERICA TO A

NEWERA OF HOPE.

AND NOW FOUR YEARS LATER,

THAT MAN CAN PROUDLY SAY --

>> IT COULD HAVE BEEN EVEN WORSE.

>> AS OBAMA TOOK THE OATH OF OFFICE THE ECONOMY WAS IN FREEFALL.

SO HE QUICKLY ASSEMBLED A TEAM OF FRESH ECONOMIC AND FINANCIAL EXPERTS.

ONE OF WHOM ACTUALLY COULDN'T EVEN BE LINKED IN ANYWAY TO THE ORIGINAL PROBLEM.

THEY PUT IN PLACE AN ECONOMIC STIMULUS PACKAGE THAT DEFINITELY DIDN'T RUIN

THE COUNTRY, AND THE RESULTS SPOKE FOR THEMSELVES.

>> PEOPLE SAY WELL, YOU KNOW,

THE STOCK MARKET DIDN'T FULLY RECOVER.

YEAH, BUT IT'S RECOVERED MORE THAN PEOPLE EXPECTED LAST YEAR.

THINGS ARE STILL TOUGH, THEY JUST AREN'T AS BAD AS THEY COULD HAVE BEEN.

UNEMPLOYMENT IS STILL AT 9.6,

YES, BUT IT'S NOT 12 OR 13.

OR 15.

>> OR 19, OR 80.

THERE'S NO LIMIT TO HOW HIGH NUMBERS CAN GO, BY HELPING TO MAKE THINGS LESS BAD, THE

RECOVERY ACT IS HELPING.

>> IT WAS THE OBAMA DOCTRINE.

THAT LESS BAD WAS BETTER THAN MORE BAD.

AND SO THE PRESIDENT WOULD USE THE POWER OF HIS OFFICE TO LISTEN BADNESS.

SO JUST AS AMERICA BEGAN TO THINK A LITTLE SLOWER,

DISASTER STRUCK.

OIL SPILLING INTO THE GULF OF MEXICO, WILDFIRES ACROSS THE WEST AND AS EVERYONE

COMPLAINED THAT IT WAS TAKING WAY LONGER THAN IT SHOULD HAVE TO PLUG A HOLE

BECAUSE THEY DECIDED FOR SOME REASON TO SHOOT GARBAGE INTO IT, NOBODY MENTIONED

THE NEARLY 60% OF THE COUNTRY THAT WASN'T BURNING OR COVERED IN OIL.

THAT'S A SOLID D MINUS.

BUT THE CRITICS COULD NOT BE SATISFIED.

>> THE PRESIDENT HAS PROMISED TO CLOSE GUANTANAMO,

THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN.

>> OKAY, HE DIDN'T CLOSE GUANTANAMO, BUT IT DIDN'T GET ANY BIGGER.

SO IT'S IN REMISSION.

>> HE ALSO PROMISED TO CHANGE THE TONE IN WASHINGTON.

>> HOW IMPORTANT IS TONE.

WHEN DID YOU EVER HEAR FEBRUARY SAY THIS PLACE HAS GREAT TONE.

>> WHEN I SEE THE PRESIDENT CLAIMING CREDIT WITH THE KILLING OF O BIN LADEN AND

SAID HE WASN'T GOING TO BE GLOATING AND NOW HE WANTS THIS VICTORY LAP.

>> OKAY, I'M SORRY.

I HAVE TO STOP YOU RIGHT THERE.

NOW YOU ARE GOING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THE WAY HE KILLED BIN LADEN.

COME ON, YOU GOT A BETTER WAY TO SHOOT AN EVIL TERRORIST IN THE FACE.

BECAUSE TO ME, SEEMS LIKE HE KIND OF NAILED IT.

LOOK WHO HE IS WORKING WITH.

>> OUR TOP POLITICAL PRIORITY OVER THE NEXT TWO YEARS SHOULD BE TO DENY

PRESIDENT OBAMA A SECOND TERM.

>> AN EVEN WITH A TURTLE MAN STANDING IN HIS WAY, LOOK WHAT HE STILL GOT DONE.

>> DID WE GET UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE.

NO.

BUT THE THING WE DID GET WITH THE INSURANCE POOL FOR COVERAGE OF,-- I DON'T KNOW

THE DETAILS, THE POINT IS IT'S BETTER THAN CANCER.

AND ON TOP OF THAT, THINK OF THE STUFF THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN.

>> THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER SIZED ASTEROID HAS MISSED THE EARTH.

>> WE WERE ALMOST HIT BY A

[BLEEP] ASTEROID.

DOW REMEMBER AN ASTEROID HITTING US.

BECAUSE I DON'T REMEMBER AN ASTEROID HITTING US.

I WOULD REMEMBER IF AN ASTEROID HITTING US.

FOR A BLACK PRESIDENT TO NOT GET HIT BY AN ASTEROID, THAT IS THE STUFF.

LOOK, ARE YOU BETTER OFF THAN YOU WERE FOUR YEARS AGO,

OF COURSE NOT.

BUT THINK ABOUT HOW [BLEEP]

YOU COULD HAVE BEEN.

>> THINGS COULD HAVE BEEN A LOT WORSE.

>> THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY.

BIN LADEN, THE ASTEROID,

THAT HEALTH CARE EXCHANGE THING AND NO ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, AS A PRESIDENT

HE'S BEEN PRETTY, PRETTY,

NOT AS BAD AS COHAVE BEEN.

AND HE'S HANDSOME TOO.

I MEAN WHAT DOW NEED TO SATISFY PEOPLE, WHAT DO YOU WANT LINCOLN.

YOU EXPECT YOUR PRESIDENT TO BE MR. PERFECT.

YOU'RE A BUNCH OF CIA BABBEE,

I'M SICK OF THE WHOLE THING.

I'M DONE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon

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