Democalypse 2012 - Paul Ryan's Nomination

  • Aired:  08/13/12
  •  | Views: 71,535

Paul Ryan's vice presidential nomination raises serious campaign issues such as fishing pole shortages and the influence of late-night infomercials. (4:41)

I'LL RUN IN 2016.

THE MEDIA'S REACTION TO ROMNEY'S SELECTION WAS SWIFT AND UNIVERSAL.

>> WHAT MITT ROMNEY DID IS CREATED ENTHUSIASM, ENERGY,

AUTHENTICITY AND SUBSTANCE.

>> IT WILL MAKE SURE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT SUBSTANCE AND SOLUTIONS.

>> WE CAN HAVE A RACE WHERE WE TALK ABOUT THE REAL ISSUES OF OUR COUNTRY

>> MANY PEOPLE HAVE SPENT THE PAST SIX MONTHS SAYING, GUYS,

WHEN IS THIS ELECTION GOING TO GET SERIOUS?

IT JUST GOT SERIOUS.

>> Jon: BECAUSE OF PAUL RYAN?

AS THE MEDIA, WOULDN'T YOU HAVE MADE IT A SERIOUS DISCUSSION ABOUT THE REAL ISSUES FROM THE START?

OR DID A GYPSY PUT ON CURSE ON YOU?

HELLO, MEDIA, YOU WILL BABBLE BULL [BLEEP] UNTIL A MAN FROM THE NORTH COUNTRY IS CHOSEN BY

THE MORMON.

GOOD LUCK.

HE WILL NEVER MAKE IT.

(MANIACAL LAUGHING) AND AS PART OF [BLEEP] YOU'LL BE FORCED TO TWEET.

IF THIS WHAT IT TAKES SO BE IT.

TO THE SUBSTANTIVE NEW DISCOURSE

>> HE WAS PROM KING.

SLEEPS IN HIS OFFICE LIKES TO HUNT ELK EVEN DROVE THE FAMOUS WEANER MOBILE

>> HE GETS A CHARGE OUT OF THE CATCHING GIANT CATFISH WITH HIS BARE HANDS

>> HE WOULD BE THE FIRST FROM WISCONSIN AND THE FIRST NAMED PAUL.

>> ALREADY TEACHING THE RYANS THE BEAUTY PEANUT BUTTER AND HONEY SANDWICH

>> HE'S A FITNESS BUFF WHO GOT SOME OF HIS COLLEAGUES HOOKED ON

A GRUELING EXERCISE ROUTINE CALLED P90X.

>> Jon: HOW INTERESTING.

PAUL RYAN... A LITTLE CONCERNED THAT SOMEONE WITH THAT MUCH POWER IS SO SUSCEPTIBLE TO LATE

NIGHT INFOMERCIALS ALTHOUGH WE KNOW BIDEN'S CHALLENGES WITH THE

IMPULSE CONTROL STARTED WITH THE SNUGG

>> E AND BOUGHT A SWILT, A SWEATER-QUILT.

HE ALSO OWNS TWO PAIRS OF SOCKS AND OBVIOUSLY FOR STATE OCCASIONS THE SNUG-KITO.

PLEASE, MR. AMBASSADOR, MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE.

I HAVE.

ALL RIGHT.

WE GET IT.

THE GUY IS A WORKOUT MACHINE.

HE CAN CATCH CATFISH WITH HIS BARE HANDS EVEN THOUGH HE COULD USE A REEL EASILY.

IS IS THERE ANY SUBSTANCE THAT WE CAN TALK ABOUT HERE?

>> PAUL RYAN WAS A TERRIFIC DECISION HAS BROUGHT ENORMOUS ENERGY TO THIS TICKET

>> HE'S EXCITING.

HE'S YOUNG.

HE'S ATTRACTIVE.

HE'S ENERGIZING THE BASE

>> THERE ARE A LOT OF PARALLELS TO SARAH PALIN

>> FEELS LIKE IT COULD BE SARAH PALIN WITH SUBSTANCE AND A PAPER TRAIL.

>> Jon: SO NOT SARAH PALIN.

YOU CAN'T JUST SAY A THING IS JUST LIKE ANOTHER THING BUT WITHOUT THE THING THAT DEFINES

THAT THING.

THEN YOU'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT THING.

THIS THING IS AMAZING.

IT'S LIKE BICYCLE WITHOUT WHEELS OR HANDLE BARS.

YEAH, IT'S A [BLEEP] CHAIR.

IT'S A CHAIR.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

LET'S ACTUALLY TALK ABOUT THE MAN AND WHAT HE STANDS FOR.

THROW RYAN UP THERE

>> LOOK, WE SHOULD BE TALKING ABOUT REAL THINGS.

THIS GI HAS A RECORD.

HE'S A SIX-TERM CONGRESSMAN WITH A REPUTATION AS A FISCAL CONSERVATIVE.

HE WANTS TO CHANGE MEDICARE.

CHANGE IT INTO A VOUCHER SYSTEM.

THAT IS GOING TO DESTROY THE PROGRAM... HIS EYES ARE SO BLUE.

IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO A SMURF'S ANUS.

♪ THE DREAM WEAVER ♪♪ ♪ I BELIEVE HE CAN GET ME

THROUGH THE NIGHT ♪♪ ♪ DREAM WEAVER ♪♪

>> Jon: ARE THEY REALLY THAT BLUE?

WE'LL BE RIGHT

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