Conservative Minorities vs. Liberal Minorities

  • Aired:  11/02/11
  •  | Views: 280,894

Donald Trump accuses Jon of racism, and Samantha Bee, Wyatt Cenac and John Oliver discuss the inherent superiority of conservative minority figures. (7:23)

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

AS YOU KNOW, WE'VE BEEN COULD GO

QUITE A BIT OF CAIN-BASED HUMOR

OVER THESE PAST FEW DAYS.

>> YOU EVER HAD TO SETTLE A

CLAIM, GIVEN MONEY, OR PAID

SOMEONE BECAUSE OF A CLAIM OF

SEXUAL HARASSMENT OR SEXUAL

MISCONDUCT?

>> AT THE RESTAURANT

ASSOCIATION-- NOW, OUTSIDE OF

THE RESTAURANT ASSOCIATION,

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

( LAUGHTER )

>> Jon: THAT'S THE WHOLE--

"HAVE YOU EVER KIDNAPPED A BABY?

OTHER THAN THE LINDBERG BOY,

NO."

( LAUGHTER )

WAIT!

SOMEBODY KIDNAPPED THE LINDBERG

BABY!

I'M SORRY, I GET ALL MY NEWS

FROM THE "O "DAILY SHOW."

THAT PARTICULAR PIECE OF HUMOR

RIGHT THERE, THAT PARTICULAR

PIECES OF HUMOR, WELL, IT UPSET

SOMEONE THEY CARE ABOUT VERY

DEEPLY.

>> HOW COME JON STEWART GETS

AWAY WITH A VERY, VERY RACIST

RANT ABOUT HERMAIN CAIN?

HE HORRIBLY STATED IN HIS

IMITATION," HAVE YOU EVER

KIDNAPPED A BABY OTHER THAN THE

LINDBERG BABY?"

( LAUGHTER )

>> Jon: OKAY, THIS HURTS ME

ON TWO LEVELS.

ONE, DONALD TRUMP REALLY THINKS

THAT WAS MY HERMAN CAIN

IMPRESSION?

( LAUGHTER )

( APPLAUSE )

AND, TWO, DOESN'T DONALD TRUMP

REALIZE THAT WASN'T EVEN THE

MOST OFFENSIVE ACCENT I USED IN

THAT PARTICULAR BIT?

YOU WANT SAUSAGE ON YOUR PIE?

I JUST WANT TO GET IN THERE AND

( BLEEP )-- I JUST WANT TO

ERRGQH!

SO OFFENSIVE?

AND THE CURSING.

MYRON COHEN NEVER CURSED.

ALWAYS WITH THE ( BLEEP ) THIS

AND THE ( BLEEP ) THAT.

( LAUGHTER )

YOU KNOW, LOOK, I'VE TAKEN

CRITICISM BEFORE, BEEN CALLED A

RACIST, STUPID, AN ( BLEEP ).

IT GOES WITH BEING A DICK FOR A

LIVING.

( LAUGHTER ).

IT'S AN OCCUPATIONAL HAZARD.

BUT THIS ONE HURTS.

BECAUSE OF HOW MUCH I RESPECT

DONALD TRUMP.

( LAUGHTER )

HE IS THE SOPHISTICATED MAN.

DID YOU KNOW HE EATS PIZZA WITH

A FORK?

( LAUGHTER )

AND--

( APPLAUSE )

AS TO THE CHARGES OF WHETHER I

WAS BEING RACIST, IT TURNS OUT

DONALD TRUMP IS IN A UNIQUE

POSITION TO JUDGE HE.

>> I HAVE A GREAT RELATIONSHIP

WITH THE BLACKS.

I HAVE-- I HAVE ALWAYS HAD A

GREAT RELATIONSHIPS WITH THE

BLACKS.

>> Jon: THIS IS A MAN WHO

HAS A GREAT RELATIONSHIP WITH

"THE BLACKS."

CLEARLY ONE OF THE BLACKS,

UTILIZING THIS GREAT

RELATIONSHIP WITH TRUMP, CALLED

TO COMPLAIN.

"MR. TRUMP, ONE OF THE BLACKS IS

ON THE LINE."

"PUT HIM THROUGH.

TELL DONNIE I'LL TALK TO HIM

LATER.

I HAVE A GREAT RELATIONSHIP WITH

THESE PEOPLE, THE BLACKS, PUT

HIM THROUGH."

AND TO TRUMP'S CREDIT, TO

TRUMP'S CREDIT, UNLIKE SOME

PEOPLE, HE DOESN'T DISTINGUISH

WHAT TIME OF "THE BLACKS" HE HAS

A GREAT RELATIONSHIP WITH.

>> TO BECOME A BLACK REPUBLICAN,

YOU DON'T JUST ROLL INTO IT.

YOU'RE NOT GOING WITH THE FLOW.

YOU HAVE FOUGHT AGAINST PROBABLY

YR FAMILY MEMBERS, PROBABLY YOUR

NEIGHBORS.

YOU HAVE THOUGHT EVERYTHING OUT,

AND THAT'S WHY WE HAVE A VERY

IMPRESSIVE BLACKS IN OUR PARTY.

THAT'S WHY OUR BLACKS ARE SO

MUCH BETTER THAN THEIR BLACKS.

>> Jon: OUR BLACKS.

EVEN I'M OFFENDED BY THAT AND

I'M A RACIST.

( LAUGHTER )

( APPLAUSE )

BUT ANN COULTER RAISES A VERY

VALID QUESTION-- ARE

CONSERVATIVE BLACKS BETTER THAN

OTHER BLACKS?

TO DISCUSS WE GO TO THE

( BLEEP ) ROUNDTABLE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

WELCOME.

LET'S BEGIN-- TO START IT OFF,

WYATT SENAC, YOU'RE AN AFRICAN

AMERICAN.

ARE YOU OFFENDED BY WHAT

COLSAID?

>> I AM, BUT ONLY BECAUSE THE

TRUTH HURT.

THE LEFT HAS THE QUANTITY, BUT

THE RIGHT'S GOT THE QUALITY.

>> REPUBLICANS HAVE THE CREAM OF

THE BLACK.

>> Jon: UH-HUH, UH-HUH.

IN WHAT REGARD?

>> IN EVERY REGARD, JON.

THEY'RE STRONGER.

THEY'RE BETTER DRESSERS.

BETTER SINGERS.

AND ONE OTHER THING.

>> THEY CAN'T STAND THAT A BLACK

MAN, MUCH BLACKER THAN OBAMA,

AND A REAL AMERICAN BLACK, IS

THIS RIGHT WINGER.

>> THEIR BLACKS ARE JUST

BLACKER.

( LAUGHTER )

>> Jon: YEAH, YEAH.

>> IT'S A SMOOTHER, DARKER TONE.

IT'S CREAMIER, LIKE SUEDE.

>> YEAH, RIGHT, WHERE THE LEFT

BRACK, THEY'RE, LIKE, PLETHER.

( LAUGHTER ).

>> IT'S ALSO ACTUALLY WHAT'S

INSIDE IN A PARTY THAT

REPRESENTS THEIR INTEREST.

REPUBLICAN BLACKS, THEY DEAL

WITH PEOPLE WHO WANT TO FLY

CONFEDERATE DISPLAGZ RESTRICT

VOTING RIGHTS.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH

CHARACTER THAT BUILDS?

>> I'M SORRY, ACTUALLY, I'VE GOT

TO BUTT IN HERE.

>> Jon: YES, SAM BEE.

>> IT'S ALL ABOUT THE NUMBERS.

CONSERVATIVES HAVE SO FEW

BLACKS.

THEY CAN SPEND MORE TIME

GROOMING THEM, POLISHING THEM

LIKE CHUNKS OF RAW ONYX.

>> Jon: I SEE.

>> IF DEMOCRATS WERE MORE

DISCRIMINATING THEY'D HAVE

TOP-QUALITY BLACKS, TOO.

>> Jon: UH-HUH, UH-HUH.

>> LOOK, WE ALL AGREES THAT

CONSERVATIVES JUST HAVE THE

BETTER BLACKS ABSOLUTELY GLUE I

DON'T NECESSARILY AGREE WITH

THAT STATEMENT.

>> WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE BLACK?

>> FOR ME, DEFINITELY HERMAIN

CAIN.

>> OH, HE'S A GREAT BLACK!

>> COME ON, A BLACK PIZZA MOGUL.

IT'S LIKE BITING DOWN ON A SLICE

OF JAZZ.

( LAUGHTER ).

>> Jon: YOU BE KNOW YOU'RE

MAKING SWEEPING GENERALIZATIONS

ABOUT WHOSE BLACKS ARE BETTER--

>> YOU'RE SO RIGHT, JON.

WE HAVE TO COMPARE ALL THE

MINORITIES.

>> OH, LIGHTNING ROUND!

SO, JIM, GO.

>> WE HAVE TO GIVE IT TO THE

REPUBLICANS.

ERIC CANTOR, THE CHOSEN OF THE

CHOSEN PEOPLE.

>> I AGREE.

I DO AGREE WITH THAT.

BUT ONLY UNTIL LIEBERMAN PICKS A

SIDE.

( LAUGHTER )

HISPANIC.

>> OOH, DO FICTIONAL PRESIDENTS

COUNT?

>> NO, AFRAID NOT.

>> OH, THERE GOES MARTIN SHEEN

AND JIMMY SMITS FOR THE DEMS.

>> YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT TO MARCO

RUBIO.

DISW THE JOB-- DOES THE JOB

OTHER LATINOS DO NOT WANT TO DO.

>> Jon: I HOPE MR. TRUMP IS

NOT WATCHING.

>> HOW ABOUT WOMEN.

WOMEN HAD THE FIRST FEMALE

V.P. CANDIDATE, THE FIRST

SECRETARY OF STATE--

>> ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

CONSERVATIVE WOMEN ARE SO MUCH

BETTER, SHARP TONGUED, MEAN

SPIRITED, STRINGING BLOND HAIR

AND THEIR BONE ARMS AND LEGS.

THEY'RE LIKE SUPER-SEXY

POLITICAL TARANTULAS.

>> AND THEY'RE ALWAYS WRITING

THOSE BOOKS.

THAT'S A GREAT USE OF TIME THEY

DON'T SPEND IN LOVING

RELATIONSHIPS.

>> THAT'S TRUE.

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT, SAM

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