Dick's Sporting Wood

  • Aired:  08/08/12
  •  | Views: 77,662

Amid conflicting reports of hardness, Al Madrigal analyzes rower Henrik Rummel's Olympic boner, which until proven otherwise is flaccid in the eyes of the law. (3:43)

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW!

CONTROVERSY.

CONTROVERSY BREWING AT THE OLYMPICS THIS WEEKEND, AS THE UNITED STATES MEN'S FOUR ROWING

TEAM WON THE BRONZE.

THE CONTROVERSY WASN'T OVER THE STANDING BUT WHETHER TEAM MEMBER

HENRY GRUMBLE WAS AROUSED DURING THE MEDAL CEREMONY.

THE INTERNET WAS ABUZZ ABOUT WHETHER HE WAS AROUSED.

I PERSONALLY BELIEVE-- AND I STAND BY THIS-- THAT AN EEL JUMPED INTO THE BOAT.

DESPERATE FOR WARMTH, THE EEL BURROWED INTO THAT MAN'S SHORTS.

BY THE NAME, IF THE NAME RUMLE SOUNDS FAMILIAR IT'S BECAUSE ERIC RUMLE IS THE HA TO THE

RUMLE FIGURINES.

MY GRANDMOTHER HAD A COLLECTION,

AND SHE PROUDLY DISPLAYED THEM IN HER ANTIQUE CURIO CABINET.

ANYWAY, RUMLE HAS ACTUALLY HAD TO DENY THAT HE WAS AROUSED.

( LAUGHTER ).

WHICH MAKES ME SAD, FOR SOME REASON.

IS RUMLE TELLING THE TRUTH?

WE TURN TO OUR OWN UNIT FRAUD UNIT AND SENIOR PRIVATES INVESTIGATOR, AL MAGICAL.

AL, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING US.

AL.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YOU'VE BEEN FOLLOWING THIS CASE.

DO YOU HAVE ANY ANSWERS FOR US?

>> JON, THIS IS A FASCINATING CASE.

RUMLE SAYS HE WASN'T ERECT BUT HE SEEMINGLY SEEMINGLY ERECT PENIS TELLS A DIFFERENT STORY.

IT'S A PARADOX OF PHYSICS.

CAN A PENIS BE BOTH ERECT AND NOT ERECT AT THE SAME TIME?

>> Jon: WHAT ARE YOU FINDING THE SCIENTIFIC ARGUMENTS FOR EITHER SIDE?

>> THERE ARE TWO SCHOOLS OF THOUGHT, JON.

ONE POSTULATES THAT THE PENIS MUST BE ERECT DUE TO ITS UPWARD POINTING NATURE.

UP AND TO THE LEFT, UP AND TO THE LEFT.

BUT THERE'S A COMPETING HYPOTHESIS GLOAN AND WHAT IS THAT, AL?

>> WHO GETS A BORNE FOR ( BLEEP ) BRONZE?

I MEAN, SILVER MAYBE, GOLD,

OBVIOUSLY YOU'RE ROCK HARD.

BUT BRONZE, JON?

>> Jon: IT CAN'T BE THE ONLY FACTOR CAUSING HIS ERECTION?

>> AAH!

ALLEGED ERECTION, JON.

UNTIL PROVEN OTHERWISE, HE IS FLACCID, AS IN THE EYES OF THE LAW.

>> Jon: I MEAN, AL, IF IT'S NOT A BONER, WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE?

>> IT COULD BE A CAN OF SPRAY CHEESE AND TWO RACQUETBALLS.

TWO RATTISHES AND A ROLLED UP COPY OF YESTERDAY'S NEWSPAPER.

A BIKE PUMP AND A COUPLE OF HARD BOILED EGGS.

A PAIR OF MICE HUGGING A BANANA.

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT, AL,

LISTEN, I CAN'T-- ( LAUGHTER ) I UNDERSTAND THAT.

I-- I-- I DISAGREE.

I THINK IN THAT CASE YOU WOULD SEE THE LITTLE HANDS MOVING.

I JUST THINK YOU WOULD.

( LAUGHTER ).

>> I-- I'M SORRY, JON, I'M JUST GEEKING OUT A LITTLE.

I REALLY THOUGHT WE WERE PAST ALL OF THIS, BUT NOW WE'RE BACK TO THE DAYS OF THE

CONTROVERSIALLY MEDAL STANDS PROTESTS, AND THE INFAMOUS EAST GERMAN TEAM'S FIASCO FROM 1984.

>> Jon: OBVIOUSLY, WHATEVER THE OUTCOME, THERE'S CERTAINLY A

LOT GOING ON AT THE UNIT FRAUD UNIT.

>> YES, IT'S AN EXCITING TIME TO BE A PENIS INVESTIGATOR.

( LAUGHTER ) IS THAT RIGHT, BOYS?

>> YEAH!

>> WHOO!

>> Jon: AL MAGICAL,

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