Bonin the Barbarian

  • Aired:  05/17/11
  •  | Views: 100,184

Jon can't resist the irresistible comic possibilities of the Arnold Schwarzenegger sex scandal. (2:37)

Captioning sponsored by

COMEDY CENTRAL

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

[APPLAUSE]

>> Jon: WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO

"THE DAILY ANTHENAEUM" SHOW.

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

WE HAVE A GOOD ONE TONIGHT,

FOLKS.

MY GUEST TONIGHT, ANNIE

JACOBSEN.

SHE'S AUTHOR OF THE BOOKARY"

51."

SO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GETTING

A LITTLE BIT OF TONIGHT, LADIES

AND GENTLEMEN?

TRUTH.

[LAUGHTER]

NOW, OBVIOUSLY OVER THE PAST

COUPLE OF WEEKS, THERE HAVE BEEN

A LOT OF VERY IMPORTANT ISSUES

THAT WE'VE HAD TO DISCUSS HERE

ON THE PROGRAM, ISSUES THAT MAY

HAVE BEEN WAYLAID BY PERHAPS

MORE PRESSING ISSUES THAT WE'VE

HAD TO DISCUSS, LIKE THE DEATH

OF BIN LADEN, THE HARD-CORE PORN

IN BIN LADEN'S HOUSE.

[LAUGHTER]

HARD-CORE POETS, RHYMING IN THE

PEOPLE'S HOUSE, AND FINALLY THE

DISTRACTIONS ARE OVER.

WE HERE AT "THE DAILY SHOW" CAN

GET BACK TO OUR CORE MISSION,

DISCUSSING THE IMPORTANT ISSUES

OF THE DAY, SUCH AS IMMIGRATION

POLICY IN A RESPECTFUL, SOBER

MANNER.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

[LAUGHTER]

TO THE DEBATE.

>> IN A BOMBSHELL ANNOUNCEMENT,

FORMER CALIFORNIA GOVERNOR

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER NOW ADMITS

TO FATHERING A CHILD WITH A

LONGTIME HOUSEHOLD STAFFER.

>> Jon: OH, FOR [BLEEPED].

[LAUGHTER]

THIS CLOSE.

DAMN YOU NEARLY IRRESISTIBLE

COMIC POSSIBILITIES.

FUNNY ACCENT, BUILT-IN MOVIE

POSTER FUN.

SURE, YES, OBVIOUSLY, SURE.

YOU KNOW, WE DIDN'T EVEN WRITE

THESE TONIGHT.

WE JUST SHOWED UP HERE THIS

MORNING AND THEY WERE ALREADY

HERE.

[LAUGHTER]

SOME TYPE OF SNARK FAIRY.

OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE.

THAT'S... I DON'T THINK... WELL,

THAT ACTUALLY COULD BE

"KINDERGARTEN COOK."

[LAUGHTER]

QUIRK?

AH, [BLEEPED].

SOME OF HIS MOVIE TITLES WE

DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO CHANGE.

YEAH.

OR YEAH.

[LAUGHTER]

HERE'S THE WORST PART ACTED

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER'S BALLS

THAT I DID NOT REALIZE,

APPARENTLY THEY ARE PINNED ON

LIKE YOU WOULD DO IN A

CHILDREN'S GAME OF PIN THE BALLS

ON THE SCHWARZENEGGER.

THE QUESTION IS: WHICH ONE OF

THOSE BALLS IS SCHWARZENEGGER

AND WHICH ONE IS DANNY

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