Stephen Merchant

  • Aired:  02/28/12
  •  | Views: 45,833

Comedian Stephen Merchant reveals his ideal height and talks about the drawbacks of being 6'7". (6:12)

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

MY GUEST TONIGHT AN ACTOR AND

COMEDIAN.

HE IS TEAM HIS NEW SHOW FOR HBO

IS CALLED LIFE'S TOO SHORT.

>> JUST A TV, YOU KNOW --

>> ANY ACTORS REQUIRED?

>> ACTORS.

>> WE WILL NEED ACTORS FOR SOME

POINT BUT NOT NECESSARILY --

>> NO, IF WE DO THOUGH --

BECAUSE YOU WERE IN THE OFFICE.

>> EXTRAZ.

>> WHATEVER.

WE COULD HAVE SOMEONE LIKE THAT

IN THE OFFICE.

>> WHEELCHAIR.

>> WE HAD A WHEELCHAIR ONCE.

NO.

>> REMEMBER ME WHEN YOU ARE

WRITING,yM OKAY.

>> DEFINITELY.

>> PLEASE WELCOME STEPHEN

MERCHANT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HERE WE ARE.

NICE TO SIGH.

IT'S INTERESTING.

IT'S FUNNY I SEE THE SHOW YOU

LOOK TALLER ON TELEVISION.

>> YES.

>> Jon: I GUESS I EXPECTED TO

SEE SOMEONE OF SIZE.

>> OF STATURE, SURE.

>> Jon: HOW DOES THAT FEEL?

>> BEING TALL?

>> Jon: YES.

>> YOU DON'T NEED TO BE THIS

BIG.

IF I WEIGHED 500 POUNDS PEOPLE

WOULD SAY THAT'S INTERESTING BUT

SIX FOOT SEVEN.

>> Jon: MUST BE A BURDEN.

ALL THIS DUNKING.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> YEAH.

>> Jon: IS IT -- BECAUSE I'VE

ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT THERE IS --

YOU AND I COULD MAKE SOME TYPE

OF BARGAIN WHERE WE BOTH END UP

AROUND SIX FEET.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> YES.

HOW TALL ARE YOU?

>> Jon: I'M AROUND WHERE YOU

ARE BUT --

>> LOWER.

>> Jon: YES.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> I'VE BEENĂ‘i MOST HEIGHTS AT

DIFFERENT POINTS.

>> Jon: WHAT DID YOU THINK --

>> SIX FOOT IS A GREAT HEIGHT.

IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE HEIGHTS.

I WOULD HAVE HAPPEN LIP SPENT

TIME THERE FOR LONGER.

MY IDEAL LET ME TELL YOU THIS

NOW.

SAME FOR SIX FOUR TO SIX SIX.

IT'S A GREAT HEIGHT.

>> Jon: YOU ARE ONLY ONE INCH

MORE.

>> IT'S OVER THE EDGE.

>> Jon: YOU FELT LIKE SIX

SIX --

>> I MADE IT.

THIS IS WHAT I'M SHOOTING FOR.

SIX SEVEN IT'S TOO BEIGE BIG.

MOST BEDS ARE SIX SIX.

IT'S A PAIN BEING THIS TALL.

>> Jon: WHAT DO YOU REMEMBER

ABOUT -- AND YOU MAY NOT

REMEMBER THIS, WHAT DO YOU

REMEMBER ABOUT FIVE SEVEN?

>> I REMEMBER THINKING THIS IS A

GOOD HEIGHT FOR A CHILD.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THAT'S MY MEMORY OF IT.

>> Jon: THERE'S A CERTAIN

WONDERMENT WHEN YOU ARE FIVE

SEVEN IT'S LIKE OH, MY GOSH --

YOU DON'T FIND OUT THAT IT'S

SNOWING UNTIL EVERYONE ELSE

DOES.

>> SOMETIMES, YOU KNOW, IF I

WANT THAT MAGICAL FEELING I'LL

JUST SPEND THE DAY AT FIVE

SEVEN.

>> Jon: IS IT THAT BIG OF A

CROUCH?

>> PRETTY MUCH.

>> Jon: IF YOU REMOVED YOUR

FEMURS.

>> RIGHT.

OKAY, YES.

>> Jon: WHAT IF WE SHARED HALF

A FEMUR.

THE THINGS THAT THEY DO NOW

SURGICALLY.

AGAIN, WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS.

>> WHAT IS IT IT FOR ME THOUGH?

IF.

>> Jon: IF THERE'S SOMETHING

IN YOUR WATER THAT SAY NARCOTIC

OF SOME KIND AND YOU AND I WERE

TO WAKE UP IN SINGAPORE AND WE

WERE SIX FEET TALL.

>> YOU WANT MY THREE INCHES?

IS THAT RIGHT?

THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE AFTER.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Jon: I WAS HOPING FOR FIVE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> SO WAS I.

TOTALLY IN PROPORTION.

>> Jon: I UNDERSTAND.

THERE'S SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS.

YOUR PARTNER RICKY GER VASE WAS

ON THE PROGRAM.

-- RICKY GERVAIS WAS ON THE

PROGRAM --

>> WHAT IS THIS ABOUT?

>> ABOUT NEEDS AND WANTS.

IT'S TWO MEN.

>> YES.

>> Jon: WHO SEEMINGLY HAVE SO

MUCH.

>> ABSOLUTELY.

>> Jon: AND YET LOOK AT US.

>> THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER.

>> Jon: AND YOUR GRASS IS SO

(bleep) GREEN.

>> THANK YOU.

I APPRECIATE THAT.

>> Jon: BRILLIANT.

>> THANK YOU.

>> Jon: ARE YOU SPENDING TIME

HERE IN THE STATES NOW.

>> I'VE BEEN IN LOS ANGELES WITH

THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE WHERE I

BELONG.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT.

>> BREAKING NEWS FOR YOU.

FRIDAY NIGHT I HAD MY FIRST EVER

CAR ACCIDENT.

>> Jon: FIRST EVER?

>> YES.

>> Jon: CONGRATULATIONS.

>> THANK YOU.

NO ONE WAS INJURED SO WE CAN

LAUGH ABOUT IT.

TALK ABOUT THE HEIGHT THING.

A WOMAN WALKED OUT IN FRONT OF

THE CAR CAR AHEAD OF ME SO I

SLAMMED MY BRAKES BUT IT WAS TOO

LATE.

I HIT THE DUDE IN FRONT OF ME

BECAUSE I'M SO TALL I HAVE TO

PUT THE SEAT RIGHT BACK.

I WAS DRIVING A VOLVO AND THE

AIR BAG WENT OFF BUT DIDN'T

REACH MY HEIGHT.

IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE, JON.

[ LAUGHTER ]

I SORT OF WENT -- JUST GAVE UP.

[ LAUGHTER ]

I'M NEVER GOING TO MAKE IT.

AND IT ANGERED ME.

I THOUGHT THE VOLVO WAS THE

SAFEST CAR IN THE WORLD.

HOW TALL ARE THE CRASH TEST

DUMMIES.

THEY ARE YOUR HEIGHT.

>> Jon: FOR ME I'M NOT ALLOWED

TO HAVE IT BECAUSE IT COULD

CAUSE A FATALITY.

THEY ARE LIKE IT'S GOING TO

DECAPTIATE THIS POOR LITTLE MAN.

I'M SO GLAD YOU ARE ALL RIGHT

AND I'M SO GLAD THAT YOU ARE

DOING THIS SHOW.

LIFE'S TOO SHORT AIRS SUNDAY ON

HBO IT'S SO G. I USED TO THINK

RICKY WAS A POWERHOUSE IN COME

BY BUT CLEARLY NOW I REALIZE YOU

ARE CARRYING THIS MAN.

AND YOU CAN TELL HIM I SAID

THAT.

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