Chaos on Bulls**t Mountain

  • Aired:  09/19/12
  •  | Views: 582,877

In the 48 hours since the Romney video first gained wide exposure, turd containment crews at Fox News have been working overtime on Bulls**t Mountain. (5:00)

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW." MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

OUR GUEST TONIGHT, WE ARE VERY, VERY, VERY EXCITED.

PINK IS GOING TO BE JOINING US HERE TONIGHT TO PERFORM HER NEW SONG.

LET'S BEGIN TONIGHT WITH THE PRESIDENCY.

I THINK IF THERE'S ONE THING EVERYONE CAN AGREE ON IN THE ENTIRE COUNTRY, IT'S THAT BARACK OBAMA IS...

>> THE WORST PRESIDENT WE'VE HAD IN MY LIFETIME.

>> HE'S THE WORST PRESIDENT.

>> THE ABSOLUTE WORST PRESIDENT.

>> THE WORST PRESIDENT IN HISTORY.

>>

>> Jon: EXACTLY.

ONYANGO OBAMA IS OBJECTIVELY THE WORST PRESIDENT IN HISTORY.

AND THAT INCLUDES OUR 30th PRESIDENT, CALVIN COOLIO.

[LAUGHTER]

THAT'S WHEN AMERICA HAS DESCENDED INTO A BIT OF A GANGSTA'S PARADISE.

[LAUGHTER]

ANYWAY, OBAMA'S PLACE AS THE WORST PRESIDENT IN HISTORY EXPLAINS WHY HE IS GETTING SO CRUSHED.

>> PRESIDENT OBAMA IS LEADING MITT ROMNEY NATIONALLY BY FIVE POINTS AMONG LIKELY VOTERS.

>> Jon: WITH SUPPORT.

CRUSHED WITH SUPPORT.

[LAUGHTER]

WELL, ROMNEY'S INABILITY TO TROUNCE HISTORY'S WORST PRESIDENT WAS ALL SCHEDULED TO CHANGE THIS WEEK WITH A VERY

ANNOUNCED CAMPAIGN REBOOT, WHICH AS YOU KNOW INVOLVES MR. ROMNEY TAKING A PAPERCLIP AND PUTTING IT INTO A HOLE.

I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

[LAUGHTER]

BRINGS BACK MEMORIES OF WHEN I USED TO HAVE TO REBOOT REF MEN AT THE GENIUS BAR.

[LAUGHTER]

UNFORTUNATELY ROMNEY'S REBOOT WAS THROWN OFF JUST A TAD.

>> 47% OF THE PEOPLE WILL VOTE FOR THE PRESIDENT NO MATTER WHAT, WHO ARE DEPENDENT UPON GOVERNMENT, WHO BELIEVE THEY'RE

VICTIMS, WHO BELIEVE THEY'RE ENTITLED TO HEALTH CARE, TO FOOD, TO HOUSING TO, YOU NAME IT.

>> Jon: ENTITLED TO FOOD.

[LAUGHTER]

MEDICINE.

ROOFS.

THE REPUBLICAN CANDID FOR THE PRESIDENCY SEEMINGLY CHARACTERIZING A BROAD SWATH OF AMERICANS THAT INCLUDE VETERAN,

THE ELDERLY, THE WORKING POOR AND MUCH OF THE MIDDLE CLASS AS A BUNCH OF LAZY FREELOADERS.

IT TOUCHED OFF A FIRESTONE EVERYWHERE, BUT NOWHERE MORE ACUTELY AT ROMNEY CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS.

[LAUGHTER]

WHERE IT TRIGGERED SOMETHING I LIKE TO CALL "CHAOS ON BULLSHIT MOUNTAIN."

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

THAT'S AN EXPLODING BULLSHIT DUST YOU'VE ALL HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT.

IN THE 48 HOURS SINCE THE ROMNEY VIDEO FIRST GAINED WIDE EXPOSURE, TURD CONTAINMENT CREWS HAVE BEEN WORKING OVERTIME ON

BULLSHIT MOUNTAIN.

>> KEEP IN MIND IT WAS POST-ED BY A LEFT WING WEB SITE.

>> "MOTHER JONES" PUT THIS TAME OUT.

>> "MOTHER JONES," THE MAGAZINE NO ONE READS.

>> EVEN WORD THAT JIMMY CARTER'S GRANDSON MIGHT HAVE PLAYED AN INSTRUMENTAL ROLE IN GETTING THIS VIDEO...

>> Jon: OH, MY GOD, YOUR CAMPAIGN GOT BLOWN UP BY JIMMY CARTER'S GRANDSON?

OH, THE HABITAT FOR HUMANITY.

[LAUGHTER]

SO WORD ONE FROM BULLSHIT MOUNTAIN IS, WELL, YEAH, HE SAID IT, BUT YOU ONLY FOUND OUT ABOUT IT BECAUSE OF PEOPLE THAT ARE...

WE DON'T LIKE.

[LAUGHTER]

WHAT'S WORD TWO?

>> THE WAY HE SAID IT, IT WAS NOT THE BEST WAY OF SAYING SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

>> HE CONFUSED A LOT OF THINGS.

HE MESSED UP IN THAT.

>> IT'S NOT THE MOST IDEAL LANGUAGE TO BE EAVESDROPPED ON.

>> HE WASN'T CRITICIZING THEM.

HE SAID THE AMERICAN DREAM SHOULD BE OPEN TO EVERYBODY.

>> Jon: YOU'RE LOOKING AND HEARING THE CON DESCENDING WORDS HE WAS SAYING, NOT THE ASPIRATIONAL, OPTIMISTIC MESSAGE

HE IN RETROSPECT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MEANING.

IT'S LIKE ROMNEY JAZZ, IT'S THE WORD YOU DON'T HEAR THAT'S THE... SO IN INARTFUL WORDS FROM A DUBIOUS SOURCE.

[APPLAUSE]

THIS IS REALLY JUST INARTFUL WORDS FROM A DUBIOUS SOURCE.

OH, AND ONE OTHER THING.

>> THIS IS FACTUALLY ACCURATE, WHAT ROMNEY IS SAYING.

>> IF I'VE GOVERNOR ROMNEY, I RUN WITH THIS ALL DAY LONG.

>> IT WAS THE TRUTH.

>> HE'S A BOSS THAT SAYS THE TRUTH, BUT THE TRUTH OFTEN HURTS.

I THINK THIS WILL BE SEEN AS A WIN FOR ROMNEY.

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: LET ME SUM UP THE MESSAGE FROM BULLSHIT MOUNTAIN, IF I MAY.

THIS INARTFULLY STATED DIRTY LIBERAL SMEAR IS A TRUTHFUL EXPRESSION OF MITT ROMNEY'S POLITICAL PHILOSOPHY AND IT IS A WINNER.

[LAUGHTER]

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, YOU

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