We're Here, We're Queer, Get Newsed to It

  • Aired:  05/10/11
  •  | Views: 117,917

The "Don't Say Gay" bill makes its way through the Tennessee Senate, and Gloria Allred simulates sex with a baseball bat. (6:17)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

SO WAY BACK IN 2003 ON THIS

PROGRAM WE INTRODUCED A SEGMENT

DEVOUTED TO ROUNDING UP VARIOUS

NEWS ITEMS ABOUT THE HOMOSEXUAL

AGENDA WHICH WE CALLED "GAY

WATCH."

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> Jon: THE TITLE...

(LAUGHTER)

FORGOT I STARTED THIS SHOW 43

YEARS AGO.

(LAUGHTER)

ANYWAY, THE TITLE, OF COURSE, A

PLAY ON "BY A WATCH" AND THE

TITLE WORKED ON A LOT OF LEVELS

BUT THAT SHOW'S BEEN OFF THE AIR

FOR LIKE 20 YEARS NOW SO WE NEED

A MORE CONTEMPORARY CULTURAL

REFERENCE FOR THE SEGMENT SO...

NO.

NO.

I THINK... ACTUALLY, THAT'S BEEN

OFF THE AIR FOR FIVE YEARS.

MAYBE SOMETHING A BIT MORE HIP.

(LAUGHTER)

MEH.

I NEED SOMETHING NEWSY THAT CAN

CAN... HMM.

OKAY.

(LAUGHTER)

OKAY.

CLOSER.

NO.

NO.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS.

(LAUGHTER)

THAT'S...

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

ALL RIGHT.

LET'S JUST GO WITH THE ONE WE

AGREED ON EARLIER.

THANK YOU.

(LAUGHTER)

THAT'S IN THE SWEET SPOT.

IN ANY CASE, OUR TITLE ISN'T THE

ONLY THING THAT'S CHANGED SINCE

2003.

THE RIGHTS OF GAY PEOPLE HAVE

PROGRESSED SIGNIFICANTLY.

THEY'VE MADE GAINS IN OBTAINING

ACCESS TO MARRIAGE, MILITARY

SERVICE AND (BLEEP)ING BETWEEN

ANGST MELODRAMAS.

EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE MOVING IN

THE DIRECTION OF MORE EQUALITY

FOR GAY PEOPLE BUT SOME PEOPLE

ARE TRYING TO HOLD BACK THE

FLOOD, STEM THE TIDE, TO PUT A

FINGER IN...

(LAUGHTER).

UM... TO STEM THE TIDE.

(LAUGHTER)

CASE IN POINT: LAST YEAR

CALIFORNIA'S PROP 8 BANNING

SAME-SEX MARRIAGE WAS RULED

UNCONSTITUTIONAL BY FEDERAL

JUDGE VAUGHN WALKER.

SOME OPPONENTS OF GAY MARRIAGE

THINK THEY'VE FOUND A LOOPHOLE

TO UNDO THAT.

>> PEOPLE ALWAYS SORT OF

SPECULATED ABOUT HIS SEXUALITY

AND IN APRIL HE CAME OUT AND HE

SAID "YES, I AM GAY AND I HAVE

HAD THIS LONG TERM SAME-SEX

RELATIONSHIP."

NOW SUPPORTERS OF PROPOSITION 8

ARE TRYING TO OVERTURN HIS

DECISION.

>> Jon: HE CAN'T BE GAY AND

IMPARTIAL.

(WHISPERING)

YOU KNOW HOW DRAMATIC THOSE

PEOPLE ARE.

(LAUGHTER)

WALKER RULING ON PROP 8 WOULD BE

LIKE THURGOOD MARSHALL RULING A

CASE ABOUT RACE OR SANDRA DAY

O'CONNOR RULING A CASE INVOLVING

REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS OR JUDGE

JUDY TRYING TO BE IMPARTIAL IN A

CASE INVOLVING SASS AND MOXIE.

(LAUGHTER)

OR A DOG JUDGE RULING ON A CASE

CONCERNING PUBLIC BALL-LICKING.

(LAUGHTER)

IDEA FOR A SHOW.

(LAUGHTER)

DOG JUDGE.

WE'LL CALL IT "JUSTICE OF THE

PAW."

(LAUGHTER)

I'LL WORK ON THE TITLE.

MEANWHILE AIR, CROSS THE COUNTRY

IN TENNESSEE, GAY RIGHTS

OPPONENTS ARE TAKING A DIFFERENT

TACT.

>> NOW TO TENNESSEE WHERE A

PROPOSED BILL WOULD PREVENT

ELEMENTARY AND MIDDLE SCHOOL

TEACHERS FROM TALKING ABOUT

HOMOSEXUALITY TO KIDS IN THE

CLASSROOM.

NO PUBLIC ELEMENTARY OR MIDDLE

SCHOOL SHALL PROVIDE ANY

INSTRUCTION OR MATERIAL THAT

DISCUSSES SEXUAL ORIENTATION

OTHER THAN HETEROSEXUALITY.

>> Jon: YOU KNOW, KEEPING

PEOPLE FROM SAYING THE WORD

"GAY" IS NOT REALLY GOING TO

KEEP PEOPLE FROM BEING GAY, YOU

KNOW.

(LAUGHTER)

BEING GAY ISN'T LIKE

BEETLEJUICE.

IF YOU SAY IT OUTLOUD SO MANY

TIMES, YOU'RE GAY.

(LAUGHTER)

THE BILL WAS INTRODUCED BY STATE

SENATOR STACEY CAMPFIELD WHO

MAINTAINS HIS "DON'T SAY GAY

BILL" ISN'T ANTIGAY AT ALL.

>> IS THERE ANY DAMAGE DONE IN

TERMS OF HEARING THE WORD

"HOMOSEXUALITY" TO CHILDREN IN A

CONTROLLED SETTING LIKE A

CLASSROOM?

>> WELL ACTUALLY, MY BILL IS

NEUTRAL.

IT DOESN'T SAY ANYBODY CAN SPEAK

FOR IT OR AGAINST IT.

>> Jon: HERE'S A FUN FACT: AT

THE SAME TIME THIS GUY'S BILL IS

MAKING ITS WAY THROUGH TENNESSEE

SENATE, A BILL IS ALSO MAKING

ITS WAY THROUGH THE TENNESSEE

STATEHOUSE THAT MANDATES SCIENCE

TEACHERS HAVE THE FREEDOM TO

TEACH ALTERNATIVE THEORIES TO

EVOLUTION.

SO IN TENNESSEE THE DEFINITION

OF NEUTRALITY IS GAY PEOPLE ARE

NOT ALLOWED TO BE BROUGHT UP BUT

WHETHER ADAM AND EVE HAD PET

DINOSAURS WHEN THE EARTH WAS

CREATED 6,000 YEARS AGO WE

SHOULD REALLY TEACH THAT

CONTROVERSY.

(LAUGHTER)

NOW, WHILE SOME PEOPLE ARE

TRYING TO HOLD GAY PEOPLE BACK,

THEY DO HAVE SOME DEFENDERS.

FORTUNATELY, ONE OF THEM IS

ATTORNEY GLORIA ALLRED WHO SUED

ATLANTA BRAVES PITCHING COACH

ROGER McDOWEL FOR MAKING

HOMOPHOBIC COMMENTS TRAUMATIZE

AGO FAN TBHOFS THE STANDS WITH

HIS TWO YOUNG DAUGHTERS.

>> MR. QUINN HEARD COACH

McDOWEL SAY TO THESE MEN "ARE

YOU GUYS A HOMO COUPLE OR A

THREESOME?"

THEN THE COACH ALLEGEDLY GRABBED

A BASEBALL BAT AND STARTED

SHOVING THE SMALL END THROUGH A

CIRCLE FORMED BY HIS FINGER AND

THUMB SIMULATING SEX.

THE COACH THEN ALLEGEDLY SAID

"ARE YOU THREE GIVING IT TO EACH

OTHER UP THE..." AND USED THE

WORD FOR... CRUDE WORD FOR REAR

END.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: THE KIDS ARE STILL IN

THE ROOM!

(LAUGHTER)

THEY'RE SITTING IN THE PINK

SWEATERS.

(LAUGHTER)

YES, I CAN'T BELIEVE THERE WAS

CHILDREN THAT HAD TO HEAR THAT

VULGAR LANGUAGE AT THE BALLPARK.

(LAUGHTER)

CLEARLY IT'S SUITABLE TALK ONLY

FOR LAW OFFICE.

AT LEAST THE KID DON'T HAVE TO

WATCH THOSE OBSCENE GESTURES

AGAIN BECAUSE... REALLY?

(LAUGHTER)

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

(LAUGHTER)

GIRLS, YOU YOU GETTING THIS?

ARE YOU SEEING THIS?

BECAUSE I, GLORIA ALLRED, WANT WANT

TO MAKE SURE THAT THE YOUNGER

GIRLS BROUGHT HERE TODAY WANT TO

SEE ME (BLEEP)ING DADDY'S HAND

WITH A BASEBALL BAT.

IF THERE WERE ANY TENNESSEE SEX

ED TEACHERS THAT WANT TO GET

AROUND THE WHOLE "DON'T SAY GAY"

THING.

YOU CAN GET AROUND IT NICELY BY

SAYING "SOMETIMES

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