Indecision 2013 - Hey, I'm Votin' Here Edition

  • Aired:  09/05/13
  •  | Views: 26,251

New York Democratic mayoral candidates campaign to fill Michael Bloomberg's tiny shoes. (4:28)

Captioning sponsored by COMEDY CENTRAL

>> Jon: WELCOME TO THE DAILY SHOW, MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

A GOOD ONE FOR YOU TONIGHT, MY GUEST MICHAEL C. HALL, HANDSOME AND SCARY AT THE

SAME TIME.

THAT'S NOT EASY TO PULL OFF.

LET'S BEGIN IN NEW YORK CITY.

THE MAYORAL RACE, IT'S THE SUBJECT OF OUR NEW SEGMENT INDECISION 2013 - HEY I'M VOTIN' HERE .

(LAUGHTER) THE QUESTION ON EVERYONE'S MINDS WHO WILL FILL MAYOR MICHAEL BLOOMBERG'S SHOES,

HIS TINY, TINY SHOES.

(LAUGHTER) HE'S VERY SMALL.

YOU KNOW I HAVE A PAIR OF HIS SHOES RIGHT HERE.

I TOOK THEM FROM HIS ARMOIRE I HAVE HIS ARMOIRE AS WELL.

THERE WE ARE, THERE ARE HIS LITTLE SHOES.

I'M MICHAEL BLOOMBERG.

I'M GOING TO WORK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: ACTUALLY, VERY INTERESTING.

HE PUTS THESE ON EVERY MORNING AND COMMUTES TO WORK ON THE SUBWAY.

RAT, HE RIDES A RAT BECAUSE HE'S TINY.

IT'S FUNNY STORY, WE'RE ACTUALLY THE SAME SIZE.

(LAUGHTER) BUT I'M ACTUALLY OBVIOUSLY I CAN'T TAKE THE SUBWAY I'M TOO FAMOUS.

I FLY A PIGEON TO WORK.

(LAUGHTER) BUT MR. BLOOMBERG'S THIRD TERM ENDS THIS YEAR.

SO HE IS DONE UNLESS HE MANAGES TO PULL A PUTIN WHICH-- NO, NOT THAT, NOT RIDING AROUND WITH HIS

NIPPULAR'S SHOWING.

I MEAN JUST HANGING AROUND NOT LEAVING.

WHO SHALL TAKE MAYOR BLOOMBERG'S CASE.

>> DEMOCRATS GATHERED TUESDAY FOR THE FINAL DEBATE AND FACED A TOUGH LINE OF QUESTIONING.

>> WHEN DID ALL OF YOU LAST TAKE THE SUBWAY.

>> GIVE US A RECENT EXAMPLE OF YOUR OWN PERSONAL STRUGGLE TO GET BY.

>> SHOULD BICYCLISTS HAVE TO PASS A TEST AND HAVE A LICENSE.

>> DO YOU COMPOST?

(LAUGHTER)

>> OKAY, TWO THINGS.

ONE, COMPOST?

WHAT DO YOU THINK, THESE GUYS ARE RUNNING FOR MAYOR OF BURNING MAN?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, COMPOST?

(LAUGHTER)

>> WHAT'S ON YOUR IPOD?

AND I GUESS THE SECOND QUESTION WOULD BE THIS, HOW LARGE IS BILL DE BLASIO.

DID THAT GUY FALL RIGHT OFF A BEAN STALK?

I MEAN SERIOUSLY.

IF DE BLASIO WINS THERE WILL BE THE GREATEST INCUMBENT SUCCESSOR INAUGURAL SIZE

DISCREPANCY IN THE HISTORY OF SWEARING IN CEREMONIES.

I MEAN, LOOK-- (LAUGHTER) I GOT TO ASK YOU THIS.

HOW DOES A GUY DE BLASIO'S SIZE GET TO WORK.

I MEAN HE IS-- OH, REALLY, OH.

(LAUGHTER) I GUESS THE RATS DO GET QUITE LARGE, SO-- WELL, THESE DEBATES AREN'T JUST

ABOUT ISSUES.

THEY ARE ABOUT LETTING YOUR PERSONALITY SHINE THROUGH.

>> DO YOU HAVE A HOUSEKEEPER, MR. DE BLASIO.

>> SOMETIMES, FROM TIME TO TIME.

>> MS. QUINN.

>> ONCE A WEEK, YES.

>> ONCE A WEEK AND THEN I CLEAN UP AFTER HER WHEN SHE'S DONE.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: THERE'S THAT CHARM THAT BORDERS ON THE EDGE OF DICKISHNESS.

(LAUGHTER) ANTHONY WEINER, FORMER CONGRESSMAN, TURNED AMATEUR PHOTOGRAPHER-- (LAUGHTER)

HE'S REALLY ABOUT 10% MAN AND 90% GRISTLE AT THIS POINT.

[BLEEP] HIS MAYORAL CAMPAIGN WAS DESIGNED AS A HUMBLE BID FOR NEW YORK VOTERS' REDEMPTION AND

FORGIVENESS BUT NOW IT IS SOMEWHAT NOTICEABLY CURVED A BIT TO THE RIGHT A WAY FROM

THAT PREMISE.

>> REALLY?

IS IT AMBITION, A HUNGER FOR THE BIG JOB, THE POWER?

>> HARD TO TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY, A HUNGER FOR THE BIG JOB.

I HAVE A FEELING I STEPPED INTO A MONTY PYTHON BIT.

>> THE PARADE GETS UNDER WAY.

>> VOTE, VOTE, VOTE, VOTE!

IF I IF I AM FROM JAMAICA?

>> Jon: CALL ME BANANA, AM I RIGHT, HUH?

COOL RUNNINGS.

AH, SERIOUSLY, YOU PEOPLE SOUND RIDICULOUS, VOTE FOR ME!

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