Shutstorm 2013: America Sits on Its Balls - Colorful Analogies

  • Aired:  10/09/13
  •  | Views: 129,486

Republicans won't take President Obama's use of metaphorical language lying down. (5:51)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILY

SHOW".

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

OUR GUEST TONIGHT, OH, WE'VE GOTA GOOD ONE.

FROM THE NEW FILM "12 YEARS ASLAVE" WHICH IS A PHENOMENAL

FILM MICHAEL FASSBENDER ISJOINING US TONIGHT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]IT IS AS ALWAYS TIME FOR OUR

CONTINUING COVERAGE OF.

♪ -- YOU KNOW WHEN WE BUILT THAT

OPEN I WAS WORRIED MAYBE WEWOULDN'T USE IT ENOUGH TO

JUSTIFY --[LAUGHTER]

-- HOW MUCH MONEY IT WAS GOINGTO COST AND NOW I'M WORRIED THAT

2013 IS GOING TO BE LIMITING.

[ LAUGHTER ]A LOT OF OUR ATTENTION HAS BEEN

FOCUSED ON THE CAPITOL HILL ANDTHE HOUSE REPUBLICANS BUT THE

PRESIDENT IS ALSO A PLAYER INALL OF THIS.

WHAT IS HIS MIND SET WITH REGARDTO ACCEDING TO REPUBLICAN

DEMANDS.

SEE IF YOU CAN READ BETWEEN THELINES OF HIS RING AND INDEX

FINGER.

>> I'M NOT BUDGING WHEN IT COMESTO THE FULL FAITH AND CREDIT OF

THE UNITED STATES.

I'M GOING TO REPEAT IT.

THERE WILL BE NO NEGOTIATIONSOVER THIS.

>> Jon: IF I WAS ON DEAL OR NODEAL, I WOULD SAY NO DEAL.

HEY, HEY IF I WAS ON LET'S MAKEA DEAL, NO DEAL.

HEY, IF I WAS ON DEAL OFFORTUNE, I WOULD SAY ISN'T THIS

SHOW CALLED WHEEL OF FORTUNE,STILL -- NO DEAL.

[LAUGHTER]BUT WHAT IF THEY DON'T

UNDERSTAND NO OR NOOO, WHAT DOYOU HAVE IN A COLORFUL ANALOGY.

>> WHEN YOU ARE AT THE PLANT INTHE MIDDLE OF YOUR JOB DO YOU

EVER SAY TO YOUR BOSS, UNLESS IGET A RAISE RIGHT NOW AND MORE

VACATION PAY, I'M GOING TO JUSTSHUTDOWN THE PLANT?

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: I'M PRETTY SURE YOU

JUST DESCRIBED A UNION STRIKE.

[ LAUGHTER ]ALL RIGHT.

CLEARLY THE PRESIDENT'S POINT ISYOU CAN'T PUNISH EVERYBODY

BECAUSE YOU DON'T GET EXACTLYWHAT YOU WANT.

>> THE REPUBLICANS WOULDN'T TAKETHE PRESIDENT'S USE OF

METAPHORICAL LANGUAGE LYINGDOWN. METAPHORICALLY. THEY

SEE YOUR VIVID IMAGERY ANDRAISE YOU A TRIP TO KINKOS FOR

SENATOR TOM COBURN.

>> JUST FOR A MINUTE I'D LIKEFOR US TO CONSIDER AND I'D ASK

FOR UNANIMOUS CONSENT TO HAVESCISSORS ON THE FLOOR BECAUSE I

WANT TO MAKE A POINT IN AMINUTE.

>> Jon: I WOULD LIKEPERMISSION TO USE SCISSORS?

THAT IS THE BEST EVIDENCE YETTHAT OUR CONGRESS FUNCTIONS AT A

KINDERGARTEN LEVEL.

BUT NO, CONTINUE.

>> WE'RE $30 TRILLION IN THEHOLE PLUS ANOTHER $17 TRILLION

IN DEBT.

>> ACTUALLY WHAT WE SHOULD DO ISWE SHOULD CUT THIS CREDIT CARD

UP WHICH IS WHAT I'M GOING TO DOBECAUSE THAT'S THE WAY I VOTE.

I THINK IT'S TIME WE QUITBORROWING MONEY.

ACTUALLY I THINK I'LL JUST TEARIT UP.

TIME WE QUIT BORROWING MONEY --[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

[LAUGHTER]DO YOU KNOW HOW ANGRY THE GIANT

WHOSE CREDIT CARD THAT IS ISGOING TO BE?

FIEE, FIE, FO, [BLEEP] I NEEDEDTO BUY CARGO PANTS.

GIANT VOICE.

ANGRY GIANT ASIDE I'M PRETTYSURE CUTTING UP THE COUNTRY'S

CREDIT CARD DOESN'T MAKE THEDEBT GO AWAY.

YOU STILL HAVE TO PAY IT.

CREDIT CARDS ARE NOT LIKE CURSEDMEDALLIONS WHERE YOU

DESTROY IT AND IT LOSES ALL ITSPOWER.

THEY STILL FIND YOU. ACTUALLYFOR THE SINGLE BEST ILLUSTRATION

OF WHO THE REPUBLICANS THINKTHEY ARE IN THIS FIGHT VS. WHO

THEY ACTUALLY ARE,GOES TO SENATOR MIKE

LEE OF UTAH.

>> SUPPOSING YOU GO TO THEGROCERY STORE HAVING BEEN

INFORMED BY YOUR SPOUSE THAT YOUNEED TO BRING HOME BREAD, MILK

AND EGGS.

>> Jon: YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE AFAMILY MAN RUNNING ERRANDS FOR

FRENCH TOAST DAY.

WHAT COULD BE MORE WHOLESOME.

>> WE WON'T ALLOW TO YOU BUYJUST BREAD, MILK AND EGGS.

IN ORDER TO BUY THESE ITEMS ATTHIS STORE, WE'LL REQUIRE YOU TO

PURCHASE A HALF TON OF IRON ORE,A BUCKET OF NAILS, A BOOK ABOUT

COWBOY POETRY AND A BARRY

MANILOW ALBUM.

>> Jon: YOU ARE A FAMILY MANRUNNING ERRANDS FOR FRENCH TOAST

DAY FORCED TO BUYPOETRY AND GAYISH MUSIC.

YOU ARE SAYING PEOPLE INCONGRESS ARE FORCED TO PAY FOR

SOME STUFF THEY DON'T WANT ANDTHAT'S NOT FAIR.

BUT UNFORTUNATELY, THAT'S CALLEDBEING IN A COUNTRY WITH SOME

PEOPLE WHO AREN'T EXACTLY YOU.

LET'S TALK ABOUT WHAT'S REALLYHAPPENING AT THAT STORE.

EVERYBODY CHIPPED IN AND GAVEYOU THE MONEY TO GO TO THE STORE

TO BUY MILK, BREAD AND EGGSYOU DECIDED ON YOUR OWN THAT

YOU DON'T LIKE EGGS, EGGS ARE ACOMMUNIST MENACE TURNING OUR

COUNTRY MUSLIM SO I'M GOING TOJUST BUY MILK AND BREAD.

EVERYBODY IS LIKE WE PASSED THELAW THAT SAID WOULD YOU BUY

MILK, BREAD, AND EGGS AND THESUPREME COURT UPHELD THAT

SHOPPING LIST AND THAT'S WHENYOU BURN THE (bleep) STORE

DOWN.

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