Intro - Perfect Comedy Cut

  • Aired:  06/08/11
  •  | Views: 162,079

Jon thanks the kid waiting for facial reconstruction surgery at Mt. Sinai for letting him jump in line to get stitches. (2:24)

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

[APPLAUSE]

>> Jon: HI, EVERYBODY.

WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW."

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

WE GOT A GOOD ONE TONIGHT.

MY GUEST TONIGHT, LARRY KING.

HE IS THE LONG TIME HOST OF

"LARRY KING, LIVE!."

[PRONOUNCED LIKE JON IS BEGGING

HIM TO STAY ALIVE]

SORRY, THAT'S "LARRY KING LIVE."

I APOLOGIZE.

ANYWAY, AS -- NO!

OH, I FORGOT, LAST NIGHT ON THE

SHOW, I HAD AN ACCIDENT.

IF YOU WERE WATCHING LAST

NIGHT'S SHOW, IN THE MIDST OF

REALLY JUST A PASSIONATE, CLEVER

BIT, JOHNNY [BLEEPED] HAD A

LITTLE PROBLEM WITH THE

EQUIPMENT.

CAN WE TAKE A LOOK AT THAT REAL

QUICK?

[LAUGHTER]

THAT'S NOT GOOD.

[LAUGHTER]

HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT HAPPENED.

SO HERE'S, HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED.

[AUDIENCE REACTS]

THERE YOU GO.

I WANT TO THANK MY DOCTOR OVER

AT MT. SINAI FOR STITCHING ME

UP, AND I REALLY WANT TO THANK

THE KID WHO WAS OBVIOUSLY

WAITING FOR FACIAL

RECONSTRUCTION SURGERY, YOU KNOW

TO, LET ME JUMP THE LINE BECAUSE

OBVIOUSLY I HAD A RESERVATION AT

NOBU AT 8:30.

SO IT WAS THE PERFECT COMEDY

CUT.

IT BLED ENOUGH THAT IT REALLY,

YOU COULD SEE IT, BUT

THAT I LOST MY ARM.

[LAUGHTER]

SO THE BEST PART ABOUT IT IS I

GOT HOME AND I WAS EXPLAINING TO

MY SON, WHO IS SIX, GOING ON

SEVEN, WHAT HAD HAPPENED AND HOW

I SMASHED IT AND THE GLASS BROKE

AND I CUT MY WRIST, AND HE GOES,

"WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST USE YOUR

OTHER HAND TO SHUT OFF THE

BLENDER?"

[LAUGHTER]

UH... YEAH.

[APPLAUSE]

YOU'RE GROUNDED.

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