C.N.I.: Cable News Investigators & Dick Cheney's Heart

  • Aired:  03/26/12
  •  | Views: 102,397

The media analyze George Zimmerman's 911 call and don hoodies, following the Trayvon Martin shooting in Florida; while in other news, Dick Cheney gets a new heart. (8:39)

>> Jon: HEY, WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW.

BOOM!

WE'RE BACK.

YES!

OH, WE ARE BACK FROM ANOTHER UNDESERVED VACATION.

MY GUEST TONIGHT SHAQUILLE O'NEAL.

I ASSUME FULLY RECOVERED FROM ST. PATRICK'S DAY.

WHILE WE WERE GONE, WHILE WE WERE ON VACATION THIS PAST WEEK, A LOT WENT ON.

THERE WAS THE USUAL REPUBLICAN PRIMARY SHENANIGANS.

WE TRIED BUT FAILED TO AVOID TALKING ABOUT THAT UNTIL TOMORROW.

FOR THE FIRST DAY BACK THERE WERE REALLY ONLY TWO STORIES THAT CAUGHT MY ATTENTION.

>> FORMER VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY HAD HEART TRANSPLANT SURGERY EARLIER TODAY.

>> Jon: GREATEST JOKE SET-UP.

EVER!

I CAN MAKE THE SHOW OUT OF THAT.

WHAT'S THE OTHER STORY.

>> THE CONTROVERSIAL SHOOTING DEATH OF 17-YEAR-OLD TRAYVON MARTIN ONE MONTH AGO IN

SANFORD FLORIDA.

>> Jon: (MUMBLING).

THAT'S THE HEADLINES.

OH, THE HEADLINE IS DICK CHENEY GOT A NEW HEART.

I'M SURE BY THE WAY THAT THAT IS A VERY DIFFERENT HEADLINE IN THE ORGAN COMMUNITY.

PROBABLY SOMETHING LIKE INNOCENT HEART SENTENCED TO LIFE IN CHENEY.

BOOM!

BOOM!

I'M GOING TO GET TO DO A FON OF THESE TODAY.

>> MARTIN HAD GONE OUT TO BUY CANDY WEARING A HOODED SWEAT SHIRT.

>> CARRYING SKITTLES AND AN ICED AT A.

>> 28-YEAR-OLD GEORGE ZIMMERMAN WAS ACTING AS A NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH GUY.

>> HE FOLLOWED AND CHASED HIM DESPITE THE POLICE DISPATCHER TELLING HIM NOT TO.

>> Jon: HEART TRANSPLANT.

ISN'T IT MORE OF A HEART PLANT WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE AN ORIGINAL?

HEY, I THINK WE HAVE A CLIP OF CHENEY SELECTING THE NEW ORGAN.

HE'S NOT A NICE MAN.

>> THE POLICE APPEARED TO HAVE DONE A VERY CURSORY INVESTIGATION.

>> ZIMMERMAN HAS NOT BEEN CHARGED WITH ANY CRIME AND CONTINUES TO CARRY THE WEAPON

THAT KILLED TRAYVON.

>> Jon: ARE YOU (BEEP)?

HEY, EVERYBODY, HERE'S MY IMPRESSION OF DICK CHENEY'S SURGEON REMOVING CHENEY'S

ORIGINAL HEART.

IT BIT ME.

(SCREAMING) OH, MY GOD.

WHY DOES A HUMAN HEART HAVE FANGS?

(SCREAMING) ALL RIGHT.

I CAN'T DO THIS.

HOW IS THIS GUY ZIMMERMAN NOT CHARGEDED WITH ANYTHING?

HOW CAN THE GUY STILL HAVE A GUN THAT HE SHOT THIS KID WITH?

>> ZIMMERMAN IS NOT UNDER ARREST.

PERHAPS IN PART BECAUSE OF FLORIDA'S "STAND YOUR GROUND" LAW.

>> Jon: FLORIDA.

I FEEL LIKE FLORIDA AND ARIZONA ARE LOCKED IN A HARM'S RACE.

ALL RIGHT, FLORIDA, WHAT IS THE "STAND YOUR GROUND LAW."

>> THE LAW SAYS A CITIZEN WHO FEELS THREATENED HAS NO DUTY TO RETREAT.

IN FLORIDA IS IMMUNE FROM CIVIL OR CRIMINAL ACTION IF THE FORCE IS CONSIDERED JUSTIFIED.

>> FLORIDA'S "STAND YOUR GROUND" LAW GIVES ENORMOUS LEE

WAY FOR PEOPLE LIKE ZIMMERMAN TO USE DEADLY FORCE IF THEY FEEL THREATENED.

>> Jon: HOW CAN A STATE HAVE THAT LAW AND SPRING BREAK?

HEY, I HAVE AN IDEA.

LET'S PASS A LAW SAYING ANYONE WHO FEELS THREATENED DOESN'T HAVE TO RETREAT AND THEN

INVITE DOZENS OF FRAT GUYS TO TOWN.

IT'S LIKE IN NEW YORK SUBWAY: IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SHOOT SOMETHING.

IT'S A GREAT IDEA.

I SEEM TO RECALL A SLIGHT COMPLICATION FOR THIS ZIMMERMAN "STAND YOUR GROUND" DEFENSE.

>> ARE YOU FOLLOWING HIM?

>> YEAH.

>> WE DON'T NEED YOU TO DO THAT.

>> OKAY.

>> Jon: OH, OKAY.

SO, I'LL FOLLOW HIM.

DOES FLORIDA ALSO HAVE A "MOVE YOUR GROUND" LAW.

IF THE POLICE HAD DONE A MORE THOROUGH INVESTIGATION AT THE TIME OF THE CRIME PERHAPS THE

NEWS NETWORKS WOULDN'T HAVE TO.

AND WE WOULD BE SPARED THIS EPISODE OF C.N.I., CABLE NEWS INVESTIGATION.

THIS WEEK TRYING TO FIGURE OUT IF ZIMMERMAN MADE A RACIAL SLUR ON A 911 CALL.

>> AT CNN CENTER IN ATLANTA.

THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST SOPHISTICATED PIECES OF EQUIPMENT.

I HAVE NOT LISTENED TO THIS PORTION AT ALL.

HOW LONG DOES IT LAST.

>> A SECOND 18 FRAMES.

>> A SECOND 18 FRAMES.

ABOUT 1.6 SECONDS.

>> CORRECT.

>> LET'S LISTEN TO IT TEN TIMES IN A ROW IF WE CAN.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY IN POLICE FORENSIC WORK.

10th TIME'S THE CHARM.

JUST BECAUSE WE CAN LISTEN TO IT TEN TIMES IN A ROW DOESN'T MEAN WE SHOULD.

WE CAN MAKE A TACO SHELL FROM A NACHO CHEESE DORITO.

IT DOESN'T MEAN WE SHOULD.

CARRYING ON.

I'M SURE LOOPING A 1.6 SECOND TAPE TOGETHER TEN TIMES WON'T REDUCE IT TO A GREGORIAN CHANT.

>> CAN WE PLAY JUST THAT SECOND WORD.

JUST WHAT WE THINK THE SECOND WORD IS.

I MEAN IT CERTAINLY SOUNDS LIKE THAT WORD TO ME ALTHOUGH YOU CAN'T BE SURE.

>> Jon: IT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE A WORD AT ALL.

THAT'S THE SOUND THAT DICK CHENEY'S NEW HEART MAKES.

TRYING TO GET OUT OF THERE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YOU KNOW, NO ONE KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED.

ONE WAY THAT PEOPLE AROUND THE COUNTRY HAVE DEMONSTRATED SOLIDARITY WAS THE SEARCH FOR

A THOROUGH INVESTIGATION FOR JUSTICE WAS BY DONNING HOODIES WHICH IS WHAT TRAYVON WAS

WEARING THAT NIGHT.

IT'S AN EFFECTIVE AND MOVING GESTURE WHEN PRACTICED BY ORDINARY CITIZENS OR THE MIAMI

HEAT BASKETBALL TEAM.

NOT SO MUCH FROM THESE GUYS.

YES, GIVE THE PEOPLE OF CABLE NEWS AND EXCUSE TO JOIN IN A STORY AND VOILA.

WE HAVE OUR NEW FAVORITE ARE GAME.

JEDI OR SITH LORD?

FIRST UP, MSNBC ANCHOR MELISSA HARRIS PERRY.

OH, SHE'S GOT BRAIDS.

SHE'S DEFINITELY GOT TO BE A JEDI.

BRAIDS ARE A SIGN SHE WAS ONCE A PADEWAN.

I REALLY KNOW TOO MUCH ABOUT THIS.

NEXT UP, FORMER MICHIGAN GOFF' NOR AND CURRENT TV HOST JENNIFER GRANHOLM.

LET'S TAKE A LOOK.

LOOKING VERY PALPATINEESQUE.

SHE WAS NICE WHEN SHE WAS A GUEST ON A PROGRAM.

I WILL GIVE HER HONORARY JEDI.

SITH LORD.

THAT IS A SITH LORD.

I'M NOT SAYING OLBERMANN IS A BAD GUY.

I'M SAYING HE'S MORE MACHINE NOW THAN MAN.

TWISTED.

EVIL.

COME ON.

WHO IS LEFT?

CNN CORRESPONDENT...

(LAUGHING).

OKAY.

THAT IS IS A TRICK QUESTION.

HE IS NEITHER JEDI NOR SITH LORD.

HE'S TOO ADORABLE.

I'LL GO WITH EWAN.

SO LOOK HERE'S THE DEAL.

WE'LL PROBABLY NEVER KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED THAT NIGHT IN FLORIDA.

CLEARLY IF ALL THIS NEW FOUND FOCUS AND ATTENTION FORCES A MORE THOROUGH AND JUST

INVESTIGATION OF THIS TRAGIC INCIDENT, WE WILL ALL BE BETTER OFF.

IN FACT, THERE'S REALLY BEEN ONLY ONE GROUP OF PEOPLE THAT I'VE SEEN SO FAR WEIGH IN.

THAT HAVE THOROUGHLY MISSED THE POINT ON THE IMPLICATIONS OF THIS TERRIBLE SITUATION.

I GIVE YOU THE NEW BLACK PANTHER PARTY.

>> MEMBERS OF THE BLACK PANTHER PARTY OFFERING A BOUNTY FOR THE CAPTURE OF

GEORGE ZIMMERMAN, THE MAN WHO SHOT AND KILLED 17-YEAR-OLD TRAYVON MARTIN.

$10,000.

>> Jon: YES.

THE ONLY WAY TO BRING THIS LONE VIGILANTE TO JUSTICE IS A VIGILANTE MOB.

THAT WILL DO IT.

BLACK

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