Hope and Change 2 - Bin Laden Isn't Better Off

  • Aired:  09/07/12
  •  | Views: 45,571

The Democratic National Convention speakers accentuate the non-livingness of Osama bin Laden, in film, words and slogans. (4:52)

Captioning sponsored by

COMEDY CENTRAL

( THEME SONG PLAYING )

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: HI, EVERYBODY.

WELCOME TO THE "DAILY SHOW." MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

IT IS OUR FINAL NIGHT.

IT IS A FRIDAY NIGHT IN CHARLOTTE, THE END OF THE PRESIDENTIAL CONVENTION SEASON.

THE DEMOCRATS SPENT THE FIRST TWO NIGHTS OF THEIR CONVENTION HIGHLIGHTING THEIR VERY DISTINCT

VISION OF AMERICA, WHERE CITIZENS OF ALL RACES AND CREED WORK TOGETHER TO DEFRAUD REAL

AMERICANS WILL OF THEIR HARD-EARNED-- ( LAUGHTER )

SORRY ABOUT THAT.

UH, HELP EACH OTHER SUCCEED TOGETHER.

BUT AFTER LAYING OUT THEIR VISION A RENEWED AMERICAN SPIRIT, THERE WAS ONE OTHER

THING THAT THEY WANTED TO REMIND PEOPLE OF.

>> HE PROMISED TO BRING OSAMA BIN LADEN TO JUSTICE.

DONE.

>> Jon: BIN LADEN, DEAD.

NIEDERMAYER.

DEAD.

YES, THE DEMOCRATS ACCENTUATED THE NON-LIVINGNESS OF BIN LADEN IN FILM.

IN WORDS, AND I GUESS ONCE THEY GOT BORED OF THAT, IN SLOGAN.

>> BIN LADEN SURE ISN'T IT HEAVIN.

>> ASK OSAMA BIN LADEN IF HE IS BETTER OFF NOW THAN HE WAS FOUR YEARS AGO.

>> OSAMA BIN LADEN IS DEAD, AND GENERAL MOTORS IS ALIVE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> Jon: I ASK YOU TONIGHT,

MY FELLOW AMERICANS, WHAT IS BLACK AND WHITE AND KILLED OSAMA BIN LADEN?

( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

PRESIDENT OBAMA.

REQUEST ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

BUT BEFORE THE MAN-- BEFORE THE MAN WHO, FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND,

HAD A ROLE IN THE DEMISE OF TERRORIST MASTERMIND OSAMA BIN LADEN--

>> DONE!

( LAUGHTER ).

>> Jon: GOT IT.

BEFORE THE PRESIDENT WOULD SPEAK, WE WERE TREATED TO MORE DEMOCRATIC ALL-STARS, THE

DAUGHTER OF THE PRESIDENT.

A DIDN'T BECOME PRESIDENT.

AND THE WINNER OF THE PRESTIGIOUS 2012 GESTICULATORS INVITATIONAL, FORMER MICHIGAN

GOVERNOR, JENNIFER GRANHOLM.

>> WE NEED TO REF UP OUR ENGINES IN YOUR CAR AND ON YOUR BALLOTS.

THE "D." IS FOR DRIVE FORWARD.

THE "R." IS FOR REVERSE.

IN THIS ELECTION, WE ARE DRIVING FORWARD, NOT BACK.

LET'S RE-ELECT OUR GREAT PRESIDENT, BARACK OBAMA!

>> Jon: HOLY ( BLEEP )!

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

IN MY ESTIMATION, THAT WOMAN SHOULDN'T BE DRIVING AT ALL!

( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

SHE APPEARS TO BE A DRUNK FLIGHT ATTENDANT.

( LAUGHTER )

( APPLAUSE ) YOU KNOW, THERE'S SOMEONE I MET

LAST WEEK IN TAMPA I WOULD LOVE TO SET THE GOVERNOR UP WITH FOR A LOST WEEKEND OF POLITICAL

INFIGHTING AND HATE ( BLEEP ).

>> PRESIDENT OBAMA'S NEVER RUN A COMPANY.

HE HASN'T EVEN RUN A GARAGE SALE OR SEEN THE INSIDE OF A LEMONADE STAND.

>> Jon: THAT WOULD BE A HELL OF A CONVERSATION.

"WHY WON'T YOU EXTEND THE BUB TAX CUTS?" "WHY DO YOU WANT A VOUCHER

SYSTEM ISSYSTEM?" ( BLEEP ) FRIDAY NIGHT.

AND THEN,, VICE PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN GAVE A POWERFUL SPEECH,

EMPHASIZING HIS BLUE COLLAR ROOTS, HIS STRONG FAMILY TIES AND OF COURSE HIS PHYSICAL

PROXIMITY TO THE PRESIDENT.

>> DAY AFTER DAY, NIGHT AFTER NIGHT TI SAT BESIDE HIM AS HE MADE ONE GUTSY DECISION AFTER

THE OTHER.

I WALKED 30 PACES DOWN THE HALL INTO THE OVAL OFFICE, AND I SEE HIM.

I WATCH HIM IN ACTION.

I GOT TO SEE FIRSTHAND WHAT DROVE THIS MAN.

FOLKS, I'VE WATCHED HIM.

I WATCH IT UP CLOSE.

( LAUGHTER )

( APPLAUSE ).

>> Jon: FOLKS, I'M GOING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING, SOMETIMES

WHEN PRESIDENT IS OVERSEAS, I GO INTO HIS CLOSET AND I PUT ON HIS JACKET.

I TAKE A BREATH OF THAT JACKET,

JUST A DEEP... THE HEADY MEX OF CIGARETTES, INTELLECT, AND UNCHECKED DRONE FIREPOWER.

IT IS-- ( LAUGHTER )

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