Deductible Me

  • Aired:  08/11/10
  •  | Views: 314,284

Republicans don't realize that extending the Bush tax cuts will strengthen the deficit monster that's going to eat our babies. (7:17)

>> Jon: THOMAS JEFFERSON!

WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW", MY

NAME IS JON STEWART, WE'VE GOT A

SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

THE VERY TALENTED LAURA LINNEY

IS HERE.

WE BROUGHTER IN TONIGHT

SPECIFICALLY TO CLASS THE JOINT

UP.

(LAUGHTER)

SHE'S VERY CLASSY AND WE'RE

HOPING THAT I WILL SOMEHOW

BALANCE HER OUT AND WE'LL HAVE A

NEUTRAL PROGRAM.

VERY CLASSY AND BEARDIE

McIDIOT.

(LAUGHTER)

LET'S BEGIN TONIGHT IN

WASHINGTON, D.C

IT'S OUR NATION'S CAPITAL.

FOR THE LAST 18 OR SO MONTHS

BARACK OBAMA'S BEEN THE

PRESIDENT AND DEMOCRATS HAVE

CONTROLLED BOTH HOUSES OF

CONGRESS.

PURELY BY COINCIDENCE, THAT'S

THE EXACT SAME AMOUNT OF TIME

THAT REPUBLICANS HAVE EXPRESSED

A NEWFOUND CONCERN FOR OUR

NATION'S FINANCIAL STABILITY.

(LAUGHTER).

>> SPENDING IS OUT OF CONTROL.

>> WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A DEFICIT

THIS YEAR $1.8 TRILLION.

>> PEOPLE ARE AGHAST.

>> THEY'RE SCARED TO DEATH ABOUT

THE FUTURE FOR THEIR KIDS AND

THEIR GRAND KIDS.

>> GENUINELY WORRIED ABOUT THEIR

CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN BEING

CRUSHED.

>> Jon: THE DEFICIT WANTS TO

SKULL [NO AUDIO] YOUR MOTHER!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

IT WANTS TO EAT YOUR CHILDREN!

AFTER IT SHOWS YOUR WIFE A LEVEL

OF PHYSICAL PASSION YOU'VE NEVER

BEEN ABLE TO GIVE.

(LAUGHTER)

IT'S A POWERFUL DEFICIT IS WHAT

I'M SAYING.

WELL, THERE IS GOOD NEWS FOR

CONCERNED REPUBLICANS.

YOUR PRAYERS TO THE GOD OF

UNCRUSHED CHILDREN HAVE BEEN

ANSWERED.

>> YOU SEE, GEORGE BUSH'S

MASSIVE TAX CUTS ARE THE

SINGLE-LARGEST CHUNK OF OUR

STRUCTURAL BUDGET DEFICIT.

WERE THE TAX CUTS TO EXPIRE, THE

BUDGET DEFICIT WOULD INSTANTLY

SHRINK BY ABOUT 30%, OR MORE

THAN $300 BILLION.

>> Jon: THAT 3D ANIMATRONIC

VERSION OF FAREED SAA CAR YA IS

RIGHT.

HANDSOME.

LETTING THE BUSH TAX CUTS EXPIRE

SHRINK IT IS DEFICIT BY 30%.

AS LUCK WOULD HAVE IT, THE BUSH

TAX CUTS ARE SCHEDULED TO EXPIRE

AT THE END OF 2010, THE VERY

YEAR REPUBLICANS HAVE EXPRESSED

CONCERN ABOUT DEFICIT REDUCTION.

I LOVE IT WHEN A PLAN COMES

TOGETHER!

>> LET'S EXTEND THE TAX CUTS.

>> LET'S GO WITH KENT CONRAD'S

PLAN AND EXTEND THE TAX CUTS FOR

TWO YEARS.

>> I AM NOT FOR RAISING TAXES ON

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.

>> WE CAN NOT ALLOW OR EVEN TALK

OF RAISING TAXES RIGHT NOW.

>> Jon: OH MY... DO THEY NOT

REALIZE THAT THE TAX CUTS

STRENGTHEN THE DEFICIT MONSTER

THAT'S GOING TO EAT OUR BABIES?

(LAUGHTER)

HOW EXACTLY CAN YOU BE FOR

DEFICIT REDUCTION AND EXTENDING

TAX CUTS?

HOW THE DO THOSE TWO

DIAMETRICALLY OPPOSED THOUGHTS

EXIST IN THE SAME PARTY

PLATFORM.

>> THEY KNOW WE HAVE TO EXTEND

THE BUSH TAX CUTS, THEY HAVE TO

REPEAL THE BUDGET-BUSTING BILLS

LIKE OBAMA-CARE.

>> Jon: OH, MY GOD!

SHE'S GOT THEM EXISTING IN THE

SAME SENTENCE!

(LAUGHTER)

AND I SAY TO YOU SARAH PALIN

THAT A SENTENCE DIVIDED AGAINST

CANNOT STAND.

COMMA, PERIOD, EXCLAMATION

POINT!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

WHY LINCOLN'S WORDS ARE IN

KENNEDY'S MOUTH...

(LAUGHTER).

NOT REALLY SURE WHY THAT

HAPPENED.

I GUESS IT'S BETTER THAN DOING

IT AS JACKIE MASON.

(AS JACKIE MASON)

WE CAN'T LET THE SENTENCE

DIVIDE...

(LAUGHTER).

HOW CAN YOU ARGUE THAT?

IT JUST... MY THINKING BEARD IS

GONE!

WELL, THE... THEY MUST HAVE AN

EXPLANATION FOR THIS.

>> YOU'RE SAYING EXTEND THE TAX

CUTS THAT AREN'T PAID FOR AND

CUT THE DEFICIT?

>> I THINK IT'S APPLES AND

ORANGES.

>> Jon: YES, YES.

IN THE SENSE THAT FOR NO

DISCERNIBLE REASON YOU LOVE

APPLES AND THINK ORANGES ARE

RUINING THE COUNTRY.

(LAUGHTER)

TAKE ANOTHER CRACK AT THIS.

WHY ARE THEY DIFFERENT?

>> THEY TALK ABOUT TAX CUTS THE

SAME WAY THEY TALK ABOUT

SPENDING INCREASES AS THOUGH THE

GOVERNMENT OWNED ALL OF THE

MONEY.

THEY SAY ARE THEY PAID FOR?

WELL, I THINK DECIDING ON A

GOVERNMENT SPENDING INCREASE IS

VERY DIFFERENT ON WHETHER OR NOT

WE ALLOW THE AMERICAN PEOPLE TO

KEEP MORE OF THEIR HARD-EARNED

TAX DOLLARS.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS

MONEY THE GOVERNMENT GETS IS

VERY IF HE WANT THAN MONEY THE

GOVERNMENT SPENDS?

OKAY.

BUT YOU'RE FOR DEFICIT

REDUCTION.

AND I BELIEVE THE DEFICIT'S

OPINION ON THAT ISSUE CAN BEST

BE SUMMED UP WITH THIS.

>> BUSINESS BAD?

[NO AUDIO], PAY ME.

YOU HAD A FIRE?

[NO AUDIO] YOU, PAY ME.

PLACE GOT HIT BY LIGHTNING, HUH?

[NO AUDIO] YOU, PAY ME.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> Jon: DEFICIT DOESN'T CARE

WHERE IT COMES FROM.

ULTIMATELY, IT BOILS DOWN TO, IN

MIKE SPENCE'S OPINION, APPLES

AND ORANGES.

AND SPEAKING OF ORANGES, WHAT

DOES HOUSE MINORITY LEADER AND

RETIRED SYRACUSE MASCOT JOHN

BOEHNER THINK IS THE ANSWER?

>> THE ONLY WAY WE'RE GOING TO

GET OUR ECONOMY GOING AGAIN AND

SO OUR BUDGET PROBLEMS IS TO GET

THE ECONOMY MOVING.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: THE ONLY WAY TO GET

OUR ECONOMY GOING IS TO GET IT

MOVING?

(LAUGHTER)

THAT IS EITHER THE MOST PROFOUND

OR MOST RETARDED STATEMENT I'VE

EVER HEARD.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

ACTUALLY... NO, WAIT.

WAIT.

IN FACT, IT'S THE MOST

PROFOUNDLY RETARDED STATEMENT

I'VE EVER HEARD

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

THAT'S THE KIND OF STATEMENT YOU

THINK WILL BE FOLLOWED BY THE

PHRASE "IN BED."

(LAUGHTER)

IT MAKES... BY THE WAY, DIDN'T

THAT CAT USED TO BE ORANGE?

(LAUGHTER)

NOW HE'S LIKE A DIFFERENT

BROWNISH... EITHER HE'S GETTING

READY TO PLAY AN ININDIAN IN A

1950s WESTERN...

(LAUGHTER).

... OR JOHN BOEHNER-- AND I

BELIEVE THIS MAY BE THE CASE--

IS NOT HUMAN BUT ACTUALLY MADE

ENTIRELY OF CURED MEATS.

(LAUGHTER)

I'M SAYING.

(APPLAUSE)

YOU'RE WELCOME.

HE IS... HE IS PERHAPS SKWERBGY.

(LAUGHTER)

THE LACK OF SPES F.I.S. CITY

JUST ONE PART OF THE REPUBLICAN

ECONOMIC PLAN, NOW FIND THE

CREAMY CARAMEL NOUGATY CENTER

YOU MUST FIND THE UNDERPINNINGS

OF THE REPUBLICAN ECONOMIC PLAN.

FOR THAT, WE GO TO ONE OF THE

BRAINS OF THE OPERATION.

>> THE JOB-KILLING NATURE OF THE

OEUB/REID/PELOSI TEAM IS THE

FIRST BIG CHALLENGE WE'RE FACED

WITH AS A COUNTRY.

PART OF IT IS BECAUSE THEY DON'T

KNOW AND PART OF IT IS FRANKLY

BECAUSE THEY'RE SOCIALIST AND

THEY DON'T CARE.

>> Jon: WOW, SO TO THE PLAN TO

RETURN THE TAX RATE FOR ANY

HOUSEHOLD MAKING OVER $250,000

IN 2010 STILL LOWER THAN UNDER

RONALD REAGAN IS AN ACTIVE

SOCIALIST PLOT TO RUIN THE

ECONOMY.

AND WE ALL KNOW THERE'S ONLY ONE

WAY TO COUNTER A SOCIALIST PLOT.

>> YOU WANT TO CREATE JOBS AS

RAPIDLY AS CHINA?

THE CHINESE PAY ZERO CAPITAL

GAINS TAX.

IF WE HAD ZERO CAPITAL GAINS TAX

IN THE UNITED STATES, WE'D BE

BUILDING FACTORIES, FOUNDING

COMPANIES, CREATING JOBS.

WE'D BE DRAMATICALLY BETTER OFF.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: SO THAT'S THE

REPUBLICAN PLAN.

TO FIGHT SOCIALISM, WE MUST

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