CNN: Do the Right Story

  • Aired:  04/24/14
  •  | Views: 77,490

The Best F#@king News Team Ever gives CNN some advice on how to effectively cover climate change. (4:13)

>> THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHINGELSE WORTH COVERING.

>> THE NEW U.N. REPORT ONCLIMATE CHANGE IS FULL OF

SERIOUS WARNINGS AND PREDICTIONSOF WHAT IS TO COME.

>> INTENSE HEAT WAVES THAT FEEDFIRES, WIPING OUT FORESTS AND

HOMES. PROLONGEDDRAUGHTS THAT DAMAGE

FOOD AND WATERSUPPLIES FOR BILLIONS OF PEOPLE.

>> Jon: I MEAN SURE, BUT THATIS JUST PBS, I MEAN THEY ARE

TALKING ABOUT THEU.N. REPORT THAT STATED

THAT WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE.

BUT THAT, ACTUALLY SOUNDSLIKE IT COULD BE SOMETHING.

IT IS NO WHEEL OF FLOTSAM LIKETHEY ARE REPORTING ON CNN BUT IN

FACT THE DAY THE REPORT DROPPEDON CLIMATE CHANGE, FOX AND

NBC DEVOTED AROUND 22 MINUTES OF

COVERAGE TO IT, FOX MOSTLYTO DEBUNK IT AND MSNBC

TO SEE HOW IT AFFECTED HILLARY'SCHANCE OF BECOMING PRESIDENT.

BUT, CNN CLOCKED IN AT TWOMINUTES, TECHNICALLY TWO MINUTES

AND TEN SECONDS, I GUESSCNN IS ONLY INTERESTED

IN WHAT IS FLOATINGIN THE WORLD'S OCEANS.

CNN, DON'T YOU THINK THIS ISACTUAL MEANINGFUL NEWS AND COULD

FIT VERY WELL INTO YOURUNNECESSARY OVER DRAMATIC

HOLOGRAM ROOMS, VIRTUAL

REALITY RIDES AND RANDOM STREETYELLING? YOU CAN'T USE YOUR

HOLO-DECK GREEN SCREEN ROOM TOTALK ABOUT GLOBAL WARNING. JASON

JONES, SHOW THEM HOW IT IS DONE.

>> THANK YOU, JON. I'M OUTHERE IN THE STATE OF THE ART

STIMULATION OF WHAT IT WILL BELIKE WHEN WE ARE

ALL BOILING IN THE WORLD'SRISING OCEANS.

>> Jon: JASON, YOU ARE IN AHOT TUB, JASON.

YOU ARE IN A HOT TUB.

>> OH YEAH, IS THAT WHATYOU THINK? WELL, CHECK THIS OUT.

HOLO-DECK OFF.

>> BEST GRAPHIC TEAM IN THEBUSINESS. THEY WERE EVEN ABLE TO

HIDE THIS PING-PONG BALLI ALWAYS WEAR ON MY CROTCH FOR

PLEASURE, IT'S FOR A DIFFERENTKIND OF SPECIAL EFFECT, IF YOU

KNOW WHAT I MEAN. ITMAKES MY (BLEEP) HUGE.

>> Jon: ALRIGHT, THANK YOU.

I AM GLAD I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT YOUMEANT.

CNN, YOU WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE TOCHANGE THAT MUCH AS PART OF YOUR

MONTH AND A HALF LONG BREATHLESS

PLANE SEARCH YOU ALREADYHAVE MARTIN SAVIDGE

UNDERWATER TO DEMONSTRATE WHATIT IS LIKE UNDER WATER.

YOU CAN EASILY REPURPOSE THATFOR GLOBAL WARMING COVERAGE.

>> MARTIN SAVIDGE, WHAT WOULDTHE VISIBILITY BE LIKE IF WE

WERE ALL UNDER WATER DUE TOCATASTROPHIC CLIMATE CHANGE.

>> AS YOU CAN SEE, THEVISIBILITY HERE REALLY IS

VERY, VERY LIMITED.

>> Jon: THANKS, MARTIN.

STAY DOWN THERE FOR ANOTHER FEWWEEKS.

I MIGHT HAVE ANOTHER QUESTIONFOR YOU.

AND CNN, HOW ABOUT YOUR BOSTONMANHUNT COVERAGE WHEN YOU SENT

YOUR FINEST REPORTERS INTOTHE STREETS TO SHOUT AND POINT

AT (BLEEP).

>> GUYS, YOU HAVE TO COME TO US.

LISTEN, OKAY.

THAT IS AT LEAST THE THIRDCANINE DOG THAT BEGAN BARKING,

BARKING VERY, VERY LOUDLY,SO THEY MAY BE SMELLING

WHAT WE -- WHAT WETHOUGHT WE SMELLED.

>> Jon: CNN.

YOUR PLACE FOR WHAT A DOGSOMEWHERE MIGHT OR MIGHT NOT BE

SMELLING.

WHY CAN'T YOU GIVE CLIMATECHANGE THE SAME TREATMENT.

>> JON, JON, JON, OVER HERE, CUTTO ME. I SAW A FAT KID EATING

ICE CREAM AND MAYBEBECAUSE IT IS HOT

OUT AND MAY BE BECAUSE HE ISFAT. WE DON'T KNOW.

>> JON, I'M HERE ON THE WESTSIDE, THE APOCALYPSE MAY

HAVE ALREADY HAPPENED. THEREARE DOGS HERE. I

SEE NOTHING BUT DOGS, THEY MAYBE

TRYING TO FORM THEIR OWN DOGGOVERNMENT, I DON'T KNOW.

>> COME BACK TO ME. COMEBACK TO ME, I DEFINITELY

SMELL BREAD, OKAY, THESMELL IS EVERYWHERE. IT

COULD BE A SEIZURE,IT COULD BE PLOTIZA.

>> JON, AS THE DAYPROGRESSES TEMPERATURES ARE

DEFINITELY GETTING WARMER. IT ISHOTTER

THAN IT WAS WHEN I WOKE UP THISMORNING.

>> WAIT, COME BACK TO ME RIGHTNOW.

IS IT LIVE? AM I ON? OKAY.

DAMN IT. I FORGOT WHAT I WASGOING TO SAY (BLEEP).

>> I HAVE JUST RECEIVED A TWEETHERE, SORRY, IT IS A SNAPCHAT

AND IT LOOKS LIKE A PING-PONGBALL SURROUNDED BY HAIR.

OH, SORRY, JOHN, YES, LOT OFACTIVITY STILL HAPPENING OUT

HERE.

>> Jon: THANK YOU, GUYS. YOUSEE,

CNN, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WASTEYOUR TIME AND RESOURCES ON

HYPERBOLIC UNNECESSARYRIDICULOUS STUNT COVERAGE OF

SPECULATIVE NONSTORIES YOU CANWASTE YOUR TIME AN RESOURCES ON

HYPERBOLIC AND RIDICULOUSCOVERAGE OF REAL STORIES TOO.

WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK.

[ APPLAUSE ]

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