Democalypse 2012 - O Bama, Where Art Thou? Pt. 1

  • Aired:  10/04/12
  •  | Views: 232,977

Mitt Romney crushes President Obama by lying during the first debate, and moderator Jim Lehrer tries to figure out the differences between them. (5:45)

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: WELCOME TO THE DAILY SHOW, WE HAVE A GOOD PROGRAM.

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

MY GUEST ONE WILLIAM JAMES BILL O'REILLY WILL BE DISCUSSING HIS BOOK KILLING KENNEDY WHICH I CAN ONLY

ASSUME IS A CONFESSION.

LET'S GET RIGHT TO, IT.

WE KNOW THIS IS A DEEPLY DIVIDED NATION, UNTIL LAST NIGHT WHEN SOMETHING BROUGHT ALL AMERICANS TOGETHER IN AGREEMENT.

>> PRESIDENT OBAMA TOOK A SHELL ACTING.

>> HE WAS NOT PROPERLY PREPARED FOR THIS.

>> THE PRESIDENT DIDN'T BRING HIS A GAME.

>> HE WAS JUST SO DULL.

>> HE LOOKED TIRED TO ME.

>> ROMNEY WON HANDS DOWN.

>> HE WAS VERY, VERY BAD LAST NIGHT.

>> Jon: THERE IS NO RED AMERICA THERE IS NO BLUE AMERICA THERE IS ONLY THE AMERICA THAT CAN'T BELIEVE

HOW BAD THIS GUY DID IN THE DEBATE.

HOW BAD WAS THE DEFEAT O BAMA LOST DESPITE MITT ROMNEY DOING THIS.

>> I'M SORRY, I WILL STOP THE SUB SID TO PGS.

I LIKE BIG BOARD, I LIKE FEW, BUT I'M NOT GOING TO KEEP ON SPENDING MONEY ON THINGS TO BORROW MONEY FROM CHINA TO

PAY FOR IT.

>> Jon: MOTHER [BLEEP] FIRED BIG BOARD.

AMERICA'S FAVORITE NONFRIED BIRD.

HE FIRED BIG BOARD AND WON.

BELOVED CHILDREN'S CHARACTER.

ROMNEY COULD HAVE WATER BOARDED ALADDIN, PUT DOWN BLUE, DEPORTED DORA THE EXPLORER.

AND STILL WON WALKING AWAY.

ROMNEY WON WITH THE SOUND UP.

>> YOUR TITLE OF THE PRESIDENT OF YOUR OWN AIRPLANE, HOUSE AND FACTS.

>> Jon: ROMNEY WON WITH THE SOUND OFF.

DUDE, HE'S YELLING AT YOU.

LOOK UP.

LOOK UP!

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?

WHAT ARE YOU WRITING THAT'S SO IMPORTANT?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING-- OH, THAT'S NOT-- OH, I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT IS IMPRESSIVE WORK.

I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT.

(APPLAUSE) MAYBE YOU COULD GIVE THAT TO MITT ROMNEY AS A SOUVENIR OF THE NIGHT HE CRUSHED YOU IN THAT DEBATE.

(LAUGHTER) AND HERE'S THE THING, OBAMA LOST EVEN THOUGH ROMNEY WAS LYING HIS ASS OFF THE ENTIRE NIGHT.

>> ON MEDICARE FOR CURRENT RETIREES, HE'S CUTTING $716 BILLION FROM THE PROGRAM.

>> Jon: NOT GUTTING $716 FROM THE PROGRAM.

HE IS NEGOTIATING PAYMENTS TO PROVIDERS AND INSURANCE COMPANIES, AKA THE EXACT SAME THING THAT IS IN PAUL

RYAN'S BUDGET PLAN.

>> YOU PUT $9 O O-- $90 BILLION INTO GREEN JOBS, AND THESE BUSINESSES, MANY OF THEM ARE GOING OUT OF BUSINESS.

I THINK ABOUT HALF OF THEM OF THE ONES THAT HAVE BEEN INVESTED IN, HAVE GONE TO BUSINESS.

>> Jon: WELL, ALMOST HALF, OUT OF NEARLY THREE DOZEN, THREE OF THEM HAVE BEEN CUT OUT SO THAT IS ALMOST HALF

EXCEPT AKA NOWHERE [BLEEP]

NEAR HALF.

>> THE PRESIDENT SAID WE CUT THE DEFICIT IN HALF.

UNFORTUNATELY HE DOUBLED IT.

>> Jon: 1.2 TRILLION WHEN HE TOOK OFFICE T IS 1.1 TRILLION NOW.

MR. PRESIDENT ARE YOU JUST GOING THROAT HIM ROLL YOU.

>> MR. PRESIDENT, TWO MINUTES.

>> WHEN I WALKED IN THE OVAL OFFICE I HAD MORE THAN A TRILLION DOLLAR DEFICIT GREETING ME.

AND WE KNOW WHERE IT CAME FROM.

YES, WHEN TO TAKE SOME INITIAL EMERGENCY MEASURES TO MAKE SURE WE DIDN'T SLIP INTO A GREAT DEPRESSION.

LET'S MAKE SURE WE ARE CUTTING OUT THOSE THINGS THAT ARE NOT HELPING US GROW.

18 PROGRAMS ARE-- MEDICAL FRAUD IN MEDICARE, CUT A TRILLION DOLLARS OUT OF OUR DISCRETIONARY DOMESTIC BUDGET.

THE SPECIFICALLY SPECIFIC $4 TRILLION DEFICIT REDUCTION PLAN T IS ON THE WEB SITE.

YOU CAN LOOK AT ALL THE NUMBERS.

LET ME JUST FINISH THIS POINT BECAUSE ARE YOU LOOKING FOR CONTRAST.

>> WAY OVER TWO MINUTES.

>> SORRY (LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: YOU WENT OVER YOUR TIME?

AND YOU SOMEHOW MANAGED IN ALL THAT OVERTIME TO NOT TURN AND LOOK YOUR OPPONENT IN THE LIE AND JUST MENTION

WHAT HE SAID WAS UNTRUE?

NOT EVEN A QUICK SNEEZE BEFORE YOUR ANSWER, NO NEED TO BE COY, LET ME SEE IF I CAN COME UP WITH A TWO

MINUTE ANSWER THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN MORE EFFECTIVE.

LIAR!

LIE, LIE, LIAR, LIE, LIE, LIAR, LIE, LIE, LIE, LIE, LIAR.

LIE ROMNEY LIE!

ROMNEY LIE, LIE.

YOUR TIME IS UP.

>> SHOT YOUR FAT PIE HOLE LEHRER.

OPTIMISM HE-- I'M ACCOUNT COMMAND NEVER CHIEF, I DON'T TAKE ORDERS FROM TOTE BAG JOHNNIE.

LIE, LIE, LIE.

WHAT DID YOU THINK LEHRER WAS GOING BAIL YOU OUT.

HOLD ROMNEY'S FEET TO THE FIRE.

LEHRER SPENT THE NIGHT TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHO WAS WHO.

>> WHAT ARE THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU AS TO HOW WOULD YOU GO ABOUT TACKLING THE DEFICIT.

>> DOW BELIEVE THERE IS A FUNDAMENTAL DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU AS TO HOW YOU VIEW THE MISSION OF

THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT?

DO YOU SEE A MAJOR DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU ON SOCIAL SECURITY?

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE.

>> LET'S MOVE TO HEALTH CARE WHERE I KNOW THERE IS A CLEAR DIFFERENCE.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: YOU ARE BOTH AROUND THE SAME HEIGHTS.

IS THERE A DIFFERENCE IN YOUR WEIGHT?

IS THERE-- I SEE ENERGYWISE THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.

THIS GENTLEMAN HERE, APPEARS TO BE ON AMBIEN AND THE OTHER GENTLEMAN APPEARS TO HAVE TRIED CAFFEINE FOR THE

FIRST TIME IN HIS LIFE.

YOU GUYS NOTICED THAT TOO.

SERIOUSLY, IT'S LIKE MINUTES BEFORE THE DEBATE SCOTT BACULA QUANTUM LEAP MOOD LEHRER'S BODY AND THEN HAD

TO FIGURE OUT WHERE THE

[BLEEP] HE WAS.

ALL RIGHT, TWO PEOPLE ON STAGE,S THEY ARE'S AN AUDIENCE.

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THEM.

AND THEN BACULA IS LIKE DEAN STOCKWELL, AM I HERE TO PREVENT A CRIME OR WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON AROUND HERE.

ANYWAY MY POINT IS,

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