Deports Authority

  • Aired:  07/15/13
  •  | Views: 82,252

Al Madrigal disputes the notion that Latinos can't assimilate in America, since they already have the most important part down -- hating other Latinos. (6:22)

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

>> John: WELCOME BACK.

THE SENATE HAS FINALLY APPROVED

COMPREHENSIVE IMMIGRATION

REFORM, LEAVING IT UP TOP HOUSE

TO PUSH IT THROUGH, WHICH IS

BASICALLY LIKE ASKING YOUR CAT

THE TAKE CARE OF YOUR GOLDFISH

WHILE YOU'RE AWAY.

NOTHING GOOD IS GOING TO HAPPEN

THERE.

SO IS THIS BILL GOING TO BE DEAD

ON ARRIVAL?

>> TODAY THE REPUBLICAN SPEAKER

OF THE HOUSE SAID IMMIGRATION

REFORM IS NOT DEAD, EVEN THOUGH

HE APPEARED TO DRIVE A STAKE

THROUGH THE BIPARTISAN

COMPROMISE PASSED BY THE SENATE.

>> OH, A STAKE.

SO THAT BILL'S NOT DEAD, IT'S

UNDEAD.

ACTUALLY, THAT EXPLAINS WHY JOHN

BOEHNER HAS BEEN DRESSING LIKE

BLADE LATELY.

[LAUGHTER]

OF COURSE, JEOPARDIZING THE

IMMIGRATION BILL COULD PUT SOME

REPUBLICANS IN A TOUGH SPOT, NOT

MORALLY, THEY TRULY DON'T CARE

ABOUT, THAT BUT MUCH MORE

IMPORTANTLY, POLITICALLY.

>> I BELT REPUBLICANS WHO ARE

THINKING ABOUT RUNNING FOR

PRESIDENT IN 2016 MIGHT BE

WORRIED.

>> THE REPUBLICANS KNOW THEY

NEED THIS.

IF YOU WANT TO BE PRESIDENT OF

THE UNITED STATES, YOU HAVE TO

DO BETTER WITH LATINOS THAN MITT

ROMNEY DID.

>> YOU HAVE TO DO BETTER WITH

LATINOS THAN MITT ROMNEY.

OH, THAT'S A LOW BAR, MY FRIEND.

THAT'S LIKE SAYING, LOOK, I'M

JUST LOOKING FOR SOMETHING

TASTIER THAN ARBY'S.

SO WILL REPUBLICANS PAY A

PENALTY FOR OBSTRUCTING THIS

BILL?

WE TURN TO SENIOR LATINO

CORRESPONDENT AL MADRIGAL.

AL?

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

YOU ARE LATINO.

HOW IS THE FAILURE OF THIS BILL

GOING TO AFFECT YOUR VOTE?

>> JOHN, THAT IS OFFENSIVE.

YOU KNOW, I'M SO SICK OF PEOPLE

TREATING LATINOS LIKE SOME

HOMOGENEOUS GROUP THAT ALL FEEL

THE SAME WAY ABOUT EVERYTHING.

YOU KNOW WHAT, IT IS EVEN

OFFENSIVE THAT YOU'D HAVE ME

COVER THIS BECAUSE I'M LATINO.

>> John: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,

WHOA.

TO BE FAIR, AL, YOU ARE THE

SENIOR LATINO CORRESPONDENT.

>> YOU'RE RIGHT.

I'M ALSO THE JUNIOR LATINO

CORRESPONDENT.

YOU KNOW WHY?

BECAUSE I'M THE ONLY LATINO

CORRESPONDENT.

I'M ON THIS SHOW NOT JUST NOW

BUT ALSO EVER.

I CAN'T SPEAK FOR ALLAH TINOS.

STOP ROLLING US ALL TOGETHER

LIKE SOME SORT OF PUEROTO

RICA-MINICAN TEX-MEX BUFFET.

LET ME EXPLAIN.

TAKE A LOOK AT THIS CHART.

SEE, THESE ARE THE TOP ISSUES

FOR A GROUP I'M REFERRING TO AS

"ALL PEOPLE."

NOW COMPARE THAT TO THE TOP

ISSUES FOR LATINO PEOPLE.

>> John: HOLD ON.

HOLD ON.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

CAN WE JUST LOOK AT THOSE TWO

CHARTS TOGETHER BECAUSE THAT

SEEMS TO BE EXACTLY THE SAME

CHART.

>> YEAH, BUT OURS IS IN A

SPICIER FONT AND IF YOU ZOOM IN

A LITTLE, YOU'LL SEE OURS

INCLUDES ULTIMATE FIGHTING AND

PIGEON RACING.

>> John: SURE, SURE, I GET IT.

BUT LET'S BE FAIR FOR A SECOND

NOW.

EVEN IF THERE IS DIVERSITY AMONG

LATINO, YOU GUYS ARE STILL

POLITICALLY IDENTIFIED AS ONE

GROUP.

>> BUT WE SHOULDN'T BE.

THAT'S LIKE LUMPING ALL

EUROPEANS TOGETHER.

WHAT IF I CALLED YOU IRISH?

>> John: HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY,

HEY, THAT'S OFFENSIVE.

WE ARE VERY DIFFERENT AND THERE

IS ALSO SOME COMPLICATED HISTORY

BETWEEN US.

WE DON'T LOOK ALIKE.

WE DON'T SOUND ALIKE.

>> WHAT IF I SAID YOU WERE

EXACTLY THE SAME AS THE FRENCH.

>> John: OH, REALLY?

YOU TAKE THAT BACK OAR I WILL

CUT YOUR FACE OFF.

OH, I GET IT.

I GET IT.

I GET IT.

>> SEE.

THANK YOU.

OKAY.

THAT IS HOW A PUERTO RICAN FEELS

WHEN YOU CALL HIM DOMINICAN OR

HOW A PANAMANIAN FEELS WHEN YOU

CALL HIM HONDURAN.

LET ME PROVE IT TO YOU.

I WENT OUT ON THE STREET AND I

SPOKE TO REAL LATINOS ABOUT HOW

THEY FEEL ABOUT OTHER LATINOS.

>> LATINOS ARE ALL THE SAME

EXCEPT FOR, YOU KNOW, LIKE THE

MEXICANS REALLY.

>> I USUALLY HAVE ISSUES WITH

LIKE ARGENTINIANS.

>> DOMINICANS AND PUERTO RICANS

DON'T KNOW HOW TO SPEAK SPANISH.

>> I DON'T DIG THOSE CHILEANS.

THEY LOVE MAYONNAISE.

>> CHILEANS LOVE MAYONNAISE.

>> CHILEANS LOVE MAYONNAISE.

>> THAT'S A REASON NOT TO LIKE

THEM?

>> THAT'S A BIG REASON.

>> I THINK GUATEMALANS HAVE A

FUNNY NAME TO BEGIN WITH.

WHEN HE WAS LITTLE, HE SAID IT

FUNNY.

>> LIKE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER.

>> I'VE HAD THE SAME JAR OF

MAYONNAISE IN MY REFRIGERATOR

FOR LIKE TWO YEARS.

>> HAVE A CHILEAN IN THERE.

IT WILL BE GONE IN LIKE TWO

DAYS.

>> I'VE GOT TELL YOU, AL.

I HAD NO IDEA THE SITUATION WAS

THAT SERIOUS.

>> YEAH, THE CHILEAN MAYONNAISE

THING IS CRAZY.

THIRD PER CAPITA IN THE WORLD

FOR MAYO CONSUMPTION AFTER

RUSSIA AND THE U.S.

CLEARLY THESE CRAZY CHILEANS

THINK THE SECRET TO BECOMING A

WORLD SUPERPOWER IS JUST EATING

MAYONNAISE.

DO WE NEED A MAJOR INDUSTRY OR A

STRONG MILITARY?

NO, JUST KEEP EATING MAYONNAISE

AND WE'LL BE NUMBER ONE.

BESIDES, WHY ARE WE ALWAYS

TRAPPED IN THESE MINES?

DO WE HAVE ANY FISH TO EAT

BESIDES SEA BASS.

>> John: AL, I'VE GOT TO STOP

YOU.

THAT'S A LITTLE BIT OFFENSIVE.

>> YES!

THAT'S MY POINT.

THAT'S WHY IT'S SO FRUSTRATING

WHEN PEOPLE SAY LATINOS CAN'T

ASSIMILATE HERE IN AMERICA.

THEY ALREADY HAVE THE MOST

IMPORTANT PART DOWN -- HATE LAG

TINOS.

>> John: SO YOU'RE SAYING

STOPPING THE IMMIGRATION BILL

WON'T NECESSARILY HURT

REPUBLICANS BECAUSE THEY CAN

APPEAL TO LATINOS ON OTHER

ISSUES.

>> NOT REALLY.

WE'LL HOLD A GRUDGE AND NEVER

FORGET THAT, BUT I DO KNOW HOW

REPUBLICANS CAN KEEP OUT CHILEAN

IMMIGRANTS.

JUST SEND THEM MORE MAYONNAISE.

>> THAT'S TRUE.

YOU PEOPLE DO LOVE YOUR

MAYONNAISE, HUH?

WHAT?

HEY, HEY!

>> RELAX.

RELAX.

JUST CALM DOWN.

>> DID YOU JUST CALL ME CHILEAN,

FRIEND CHI?

JON YAWN WHAT!

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