Indecision 2012 - Ruh Roh Edition

  • Aired:  10/31/11
  •  | Views: 522,124

Herman Cain denies allegations of sexual harassment, and Rick Perry overcorrects for past debate performance stiffness. (7:41)

HERING A LOT FROM NOW ON.

WE'RE OUT OF RAISIN BRAN."

OUR TOP STORY COMES ONCE AGAIN

FROM THE REPUBLICAN'S DESPERATE

RACE TO FIND A NOMINEE WHOSE

NAME DOESN'T RHINE WITH SCHMIDT

SCHMNOMNEY.

HERMAN CAIN IS THE LATEST.

HOW DOES IT LOOK FOR HIM.

>> DURING CAIN'S TIME AS A

LOBBYIST, AT LEAST TWO WOMEN

COMPLAINED OF INAPPROPRIATE

BEHAVIOR.

SPECIFICALLY SEXUALLY SUGGESTIVE

DEHEAT WAVE YOUR.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

>> Jon: IN HER MAIN CANE'S

DEFENSE, THERE'S VERY LITTLE IN

THE PIZZA WORLD THAT'S NOT

SEXUALLY SUGGESTIVE.

"HEY, YOU WANT SAUSAGE ON YOUR

PIE?"

(LAUGHTER)

"HEY, YOU WANT KNOW STUFF YOUR

CRUST?"

(LAUGHTER)

"NO, NO, I TOLD YOU, I

GUARANTEE, I WILL COME IN 30

MINUTES OR LESS."

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

TOLD YOU.

BY THE WAY, THAT'S A VERY

OPTIMISTIC...

(LAUGHTER)

I THINK THE KEY PHRASE IS THERE

"OR LESS."

ALL RIGHT.

THESE ARE VERY SERIOUS CHARGES

ON HERMAN CAIN.

I HOPE THAT THE REPORTING ON

THIS ISSUE... I KNOW.

I HOPE THE REPORTING ON THIS

MUST BE HANDLED RESPONSIVELY.

>> THERE WERE GESTURES, THERE

WERE COMMENTS, CERTAIN

SUGGESTIVE OVERTURES, FOR

INSTANCE, THINGS THAT MADE THESE

WOMEN UNCOMFORTABLE, MADE THEM

ANGRY.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: YOU HAD TO END THE

SEGMENT ON CAIN AND TWO NUNS,

NEW THAT'S THE FOOTAGE YOU HAD

TO USE.

ARE THESE THE TWO WOMEN WHO WERE

ACCUSING CAIN?

IF NOT, SOMEWHAT PREJUDICIAL

IMAGE FOR A SEXUAL HARASSMENT

STORY.

THE GUY'S OUT OF CONTROL, HE'S

TRYING TO BANG NUNS ON A PARTY

BUS!

(LAUGHTER)

THAT'S WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!

THIS IS A VERY BIG CHALLENGE FOR

HERMAN CAIN.

IT'S ONE THING TO HAVE TO

RECONCILE A NONSENSICAL 999 TAX

PLAN WITH EXISTING STATE TAXES.

>> THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF MIXING

APPLES AND ORANGES.

>> Jon: NO, THEY'RE BOTH

(BLEEP)ING APPLES.

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

WHY YOU WANT TO DEFEND OUR

SOUTHERN BORDER WITH A GIANT

MEXICAN ZAPPER.

>> SOME PEOPLE DON'T THINK IT

WAS A GOOD JOKE AND IT'S

PROBABLY NOT A JOKE THAT FOLKS

MAKE IF YOU'RE A PRESIDENTIAL

CANDIDATE.

I DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR USING A

COMBINATION OF A FENCE.

AND IT MIGHT BE ELECTRIFIED.

I'M NOT WALKING AWAY FROM THAT.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

>> Jon: IT WAS A JOKE!

LET'S DO IT.

(LAUGHTER)

SO FORGET ABOUT THE NEWS MEDIA.

I YIELD MY REMAINING TIME TO

DEFENSE-TO-A DEFENSE FROM THE

GENTLEMAN FROM GEORGIA.

>> I HAVE NEVER SEXUALLY

HARASSED ANYONE.

LET'S SAY THAT.

SECONDLY, I'VE NEVER SEXUALLY

HARASSED ANYONE.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: AND THIRDLY I HAVE NEVER

SEXUALLY HARASSED ANYONE.

AND FOR MY FOURTH POINT I REFER

YOU TO POINTS ONE THROUGH THREE.

(LAUGHTER)

NAILED IT!

ALL RIGHT, I'LL GIVE IT TO FOX

NEWS.

THEY DIDN'T LET CAIN OFF THAT

EASY.

>> HAVE YOU EVER HAD TO SETTLE A

CLAIM... GIVEN MONEY OR PAID

SOMEONE BECAUSE OF A CLAIM OF

SEXUAL HARASSMENT OR SEXUAL

MISCONDUCT?

>> AT THE RESTAURANT

ASSOCIATION.

NOW, OUTSIDE OF THE RESTAURANT

ASSOCIATION, ABSOLUTELY NOT.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

>> Jon: THE RESTAURANT

ASSOCIATION IS THE ONE THAT

YOU'RE...

>> YOU CAN'T JUST GO WELL, OTHER

THAN THAT, NO.

"HAVE YOU EVER KIDNAP A BABY?"

"WELL, OTHER THAN THE LINDBERGH

BOY.

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

I'VE JUST DONE THE ONE.

BUT IT'S THE ONLY ONE I COULD

THINK OF."

YOU KNOW WHAT'S SAD?

FORGET ABOUT THE INCOHERENCE OF

MOST OF HERMAN CAIN'S POLICY

PLANS.

IF HE'S TELLING THE TRUTH, HE'S

JUST A NICE CHURCH-GOING GUY AND

EVERYTHING HE DOES NOW IS

TAINTED BY THESE ALLEGATIONS.

EVEN HIS SIMPLE LOVE OF ICE

CREAM.

>> BLACK WALNUT.

BECAUSE IT TASTES GOOD ALL THE

TIME.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: THAT JUST SOUNDS REALLY

DIRTY NOW.

AND THAT CLIP OF HERMAN CAIN

SPILING AT THE END OF HIS

POLITICAL ADS.

(LAUGHTER)

THAT COMMERCIAL IS ALWAYS GOING

TO PLAY WITH DIFFERENT MUSIC IN

PEOPLE'S HEADS NOW.

(SEX SEXY MUSIC PLAYING)

(LAUGHTER)

STOP LOOKING AT MY BLACK WALNUT.

SO IS POSSIBLY HOBBLED.

COULD RICK PERRY HURT BY

STIFFNESS IN HIS DEBIT

PERFORMANCES SEIZE THE MOMENT IN

NEW HAMPSHIRE?

>> THIS IS SUCH A COOL STATE.

I MEAN, COME ON: LIVE FREE OR

DIE?

IT'S LIKE LIVE FREE OR DIE,

VICTORY OR DEATH, BRING IT!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: YOU'RE OVERCORRECTING.

"I MEAN, SERIOUSLY, THE GRANITE

STATE?

I MEAN... IT'S LIKE A BLACK ROCK

YOU KNOW?

I JUST WANT TO GET IN THERE AND

JUST (BLEEP) THAT GRANITE!

COME ON!

THERE'S GOT TO BE OIL IN HERE

SOMEWHERE!"

(LAUGHTER)

ERR!

"NEW HAMPSHIRE!

I JUST WANT TO GRAB YOUR BALLS!

" DON'T WORRY, IT GETS WORSE.

>> TEXAS RANGERS AFTER 50 YEARS

ARE GOING TO WIN A WORLD SERIES!

(BOOS)

OOPS.

TODAY HAS BEEN AWESOME, GIRL!

20% FLAT TAX, PUT IT ON THERE,

TAKE YOUR DEDUCTIONS OFF, SEND

IT IN.

I GREW UP ON A FARM.

I GREW UP... (LAUGHS)

I GREW UP ON A FARM.

THAT LITTLE PLAN THAT I JUST

SHARED WITH YOU DOESN'T FORCE

THE GRANITE STATE TO EXPAND YOUR

TAX FOOTPRINT.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

LIKE THE 9% EXPANSION.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: BEST-CASE SCENARIO: THAT

DUDE'S HAMMERED.

WORST-CASE SCENARIO THAT IS

PERRY SOBER AND EVERY TIME WE'VE

SEEN HIM PREVIOUSLY HE'S BEEN

HAMMERED.

(LAUGHTER)

OR THERE IS ONE OTHER

EXPLANATION: RICK PERRY JUST GOT

BACK FROM THE DENTIST.

>> IS THIS REAL LIFE?

>> UH-UH...

>> I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING.

(SCREAMING)

>> Jon: THAT TAX BASE EXPANSION.

(SCREAMING)

AFTER THE EVENTS OF THIS WEEKEND

BETWEEN HERMAN CAIN AND RICK

PERRY I'M READY FOR "THE DAILY

SHOW" TO UNVEIL A BRAND NEW

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