A Beacon of Hope

  • Aired:  12/05/12
  •  | Views: 68,529

A United Nations treaty inspired by the Americans with Disabilities Act temporarily reaffirms America's moral authority. (4:26)

>> Jon: WELCOME TO THE "DAILY SHOW." WHAT A GOOD ONE WE HAVE FOR YOU TONIGHT.

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

OUR GUEST TONIGHT, ALAN SIMPSON-- ONE-THIRD OF THE SINGING TRIO "ASHFORD AND SIMPSON AND BOWLES"

( LAUGHTER ) YOU SHOULD NOT GET THEIR ALBUM.

THEY'RE NOT VERY GOOD.

LET'S BEGIN TONIGHT WITH AMERICA.

IT'S GREAT!

AND REPUBLICANS IN THE UNITED STATES SENATE THINK IT'S ABOUT TIME AMERICA CAFTA, SIDE IT'S

FAMED HUMILITY AND LET THE WORLD SEE THE AWESOMENESS THAT IS US.

>> THE NATION AND THE WORLD NEED STRONG AMERICAN LEADERSHIP.

>> WE NEED TO CONTINUE TO LEAD THE WORLD.

>> WE WANTED OUR EXAMPLE TO INSPIRE THE PEOPLE OF THE EARTH.

>> THEY'RE WAITING FOR AMERICA TO LEAD THE WAY.

>> WE ARE AS A NATION A BEACON OF HOPE FOR MANY ACROSS THE GLOBE.

>> WE'VE CREATED A BEACON OF HOPE AND OPPORTUNITY FOR THE REST OF THE WORLD.

>> Jon: A BEACON OF HOPE.

A HOME BEACON, A-- COME ON, WORLD!

FOLLOW OUR LEADERSHIP.

DID YOU HEAR ME, WORLD?

COME ON, FOLLOW!

( LAUGHTER ) DON'T MAKE ME SEND IN THE ( BLEEP ) DRONES.

GET BEHIND US.

COME ON!

( LAUGHTER ) I WILL RAIN DOWN HELLFIRE!

( LAUGHTER ) ACTUALLY THIS WEEK PRESENTED AMERICA WITH JUST THAT KIND OF LEADERSHIP OPPORTUNITY.

>> THERE'S A SENATE VOTE TOMORROW ON A UNITED NATIONS DISABILITIES TREATY.

>> ADVOCATES SAY THE UNITED NATIONS TREATY APPROVED BY 126 COUNTRIES, WOULD PROMOTE EQUAL

RIGHTS AND BETTER TREATMENT FOR THE DISABLED INSPIRED BY U.S.

LAW, THE AMERICANS WITH STABILITIES ACT.

>> Jon: YOU'RE WELCOME.

( LAUGHTER ).

ONCE AGAIN, AMERICA'S EXAMPLE HAS BECOME THE STANDARD FOR OTHER NATIONS TO FOLLOW.

WE CAN BE THAT SHINING CITY ON THE HILL.

AS LONG AS THAT HILL HAS A RAMP.

( LAUGHTER ) IF-- I THINK IT'S VERY POLITE OF THE UNITED STATES.

IF YEAR GOING TO CREATE CERTAIN DISABILITIES WITHIN YOUR COUNTRY, WELL...

( LAUGHTER ) MIGHT AS WELL HAVE SOME STANDARD TREATMENT FOR SAID INJURIES.

SO, UNASSAILABLE AND UNIIFYING, THIS PROPOSAL COULD NOT BE MATCHED.

FORMER REPUBLICAN PARTY LEADER AND WORLD WAR II VETERAN BOB DOLE CAME OUT OF RETIREMENT TO

PERSONALLY ENDORSE THIS PROBABLY.

EVEN CURRENT SENATE RIFLES MAIN AND JOHN KERRY PUT ASIDE THEIR DIFFERENCES FOR IT.

>> SENATOR McCAIN.

>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MR. SECRETARY.

>> Jon: HUH?

A LITTLE GOOD-NATURED RIBBING.

I'M SURE SENATOR KERRY HAD A GOOD COMEBACK.

"WHAT YOU JUST SAW WAS SENATOR McCAIN REFERRING NOT TO ME WITH MY CURRENT TITLE THE RIGHT

HONORABLE SENATOR FROM THE GREAT STATE OF...

MASSACHUSETTS, BUT SENATOR McCAIN HAS REFERRED TO ME WAY TITLE PROSPECTUS, MR. SECRETARY,

REFERENCEs SENATOR McCAIN'S OBSTINNENCE WITH REGARD TO SUSAN RICE, WHICH MAY RESULT IN MY

ASCENSION TO THE CABINET POSITION HELD BY SUCH LUMINARIES THROUGHOUT HISTORY AS SIEWRD,

ACHISON, VANCE, AND, OF COURSE, OTHERS, INCLUDING BUT NOT--" ( LAUGHTER ) ISN'T THAT HOW YOU HAMMED THAT

THERE, SENATOR KERRY.

>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MR. PRESIDENT.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: BAM!

BA-BAM!

LAUGH LATCH TWO THINGS.( LAUGHTER ) ONE, SOLID, CONCISE JOKE.

TWO, A LITTLE DISPROPORTIONATE ( LAUGHTER ) McCAIN TEASED YOU ABOUT A JOB YOU MIGHT GET.

AND YOU HIT HIM WITH THE FAILURE OF HIS LIFE.

( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) IT'S LIKE-- IT'S LIKE McCAIN NUDGED HIM IN THE RIBS.

MAKIN NUDGED KERRY IN THE RIBS.

MR. SECRETARY-- KERRY TURNED AROUND AND STABBED HIM IN THE FACE.

I CAN SEE WHY

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