Well, That Was Fast - Comcast/NBC Merger

  • Aired:  05/16/11
  •  | Views: 102,116

Disney requests a trademark for the name "SEAL Team 6," and the FCC approves the Comcast/NBC merger. (4:23)

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

WELCOME BACK.

JUST THIS PAST WEEKEND, MY SON

AND I ARE PLAYING OUR NEW

FAVORITE GAME THERE.

WE PRETEND TO BE THE HEROIC

NAVY SEALS WHO TOOK DOWN

AMERICA'S WORST ENEMY, A.K.A.,

OUR NEIGHBOR'S LABRADOR.

THE NEXT THING I KNOW THERE'S

A LAWYER AT MY DOOR SERVING ME

WITH PAPERS.

>> WALT DISNEY COMPANY IS IS

LOOKING TO CASH IN ON THE

OSAMA BIN LADEN TAKEDOWN.

>> IT'S BEEN TWO WEEKS SINCE

THE U.S. MILITARY RAID ON

OSAMA BIN LADEN'S COMPOUND BUT

IT TOOK DISNEY LESS THAN TWO

DAYS TO REFLECT THE TRADEMARK

FOR THE NAME.

>> Jon: YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

YOU CAN'T JUST TAKE AMERICA'S

REAL-LIFE HEROES AND TURN THEM

INTO THIS.

ALTHOUGH... BUT THAT IS IS

AWESOME.

I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE HAPPY

MEAL.

PUTTING A TRADEMARK IS LIKE

TRYING TO COPYRIGHT THE GUYS

WHO STORMED THE BEACHES OF

NORMANDY OR PUTTING A PATENT

PATENT ON PATTON.

IT BELONGS TO ALL OF US.

NOT TO MENTION DISNEY FILED

ITS CLAIM ONLY TWO DAY AFTER

THE STORY WAS RELEASED.

PART OF OUR NEW ONGOING

SEGMENT, THAT WAS FAST.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I HAVE AN IDEA.

I'M GOING TO TRADEMARK THE

LION KING.

OH, IT'S TRADEMARK.

THEN I'LL JUST TRADEMARK THE

TRADEMARK.

YOU USE THAT THING ALL THE

TIME?

I'M GOING TO MAKE A BOAT LOAD.

ALTHOUGH DISNEY ISN'T THE ONLY

BIG MEDIA COMPANY MAKING THE

MOVES.

>> FEDERAL REGULATORS TODAY

APPROVED THE PURCHASE BY

COMCAST OF A MAJORITY STAKE IN

NBC UNIVERSAL FROM GENERAL

ELECTRIC.

THIS MERGER WILL CREATE A $30

BILLION MEDIA COMPANY WITH

CABLE, BROADCAST, INTERNET,

MOTION PICTURE AND THEME PARK

COMPONENTS.

>> Jon: THANKED GOD.

NOW IF I HAVE MY CABLE GO OUT

AND I GO TO A THEME PARK AND

CHOKE ON A GIANT FRIED TURKEY

LEG RIGHT BEFORE I FIND OUT MY

FAVORITE SHOW GOT CANCELED I

ONLY HAVE TO CALL ONE NUMBER

TO COMPLAIN.

THIS MONOPOLY IS AWESOME.

I DON'T KNOW WHY THIS DOESN'T

HAPPEN MORE OFTEN.

RIGHT.

BECAUSE IT'S ILLEGAL.

WHICH IS WHY IT HAD TO BE

APPROVED BY THE FCC.

THE SAME PEOPLE WHO FREAK OUT

WHEN BOOBS POP OUT OF A SUPER

BOWL OR KEEP ME FROM SAYING

THINGS LIKE (BEEP) OR (BEEP

BEEP (.

IN FACT, IF I COVER MY MOUTH

EVEN JUST SAY LIKE (BEEP) NO

ONE KNOWS BUT THEY WILL GET IT

AND THEY WILL BLEEP IT.

PART OF THE FCC'S JOB IS

MAKING SURE THAT THE MEDIA

COMPANIES DON'T GET TOO

POWERFUL OR THEY MIGHT START

DOING STUFF LIKE TRADEMARKING

THE NAMES OF HEROIC MILITARY

UNITS FOR THEIR OWN FINANCIAL

GAMES.

THOSE (BEEP).

YOU KNOW, STUFF LIKE THIS.

>> THE MERGER WOULD

DRAMATICALLY INCREASE

COMCAST'S INCENTIVE AND

ABILITY TO RAISE PRICES, BLOCK

COMPETITIVE ENTRY, FORCE

BUNDLES ON OUR CABLE SYSTEMS

AND DISCRIMINATE COMPETING

PROGRAMMING.

FOR CONSUMERS THIS WOULD SPELL

EVEN HIGHER PRICES.

>> Jon: EVEN HIGHER PRICES.

SO WHAT?

I ONLY PAY $150 A MONTH BUT I

GET 80 DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF

THE STYLE CHANNEL EVEN THOUGH

THAT'S ALL THERE IS ON EVER.

EXCEPT OF COURSE MONDAY

THROUGH THURSDAY AT 11:003

ON COMEDY CENTRAL WHERE TV

FUNNY MAN JOHN STEWART PUTS

HIS OUTRAGEOUS TONIGHT ON

TONIGHT'S NEWS.

TONIGHT'S EPISODE JERK-OFF

JOKES ABOUT BIN LADEN.

HOW HOW DID THIS DEAL HAPPEN?

WELL, THE FCC'S FIVE-MEMBER

REGULATORY BOARD WORKS KIND OF

LIKE THE SUPREME COURT WITHOUT

THE ROBES OR THE LITTLE

HAMMERS AND NOT AS MANY PEOPLE

DIE WHILE IN OFFICE.

THEY VOTED 4-TO-1 TO APPROVE

THE MERGER THANKS IN PART TO

THE SUPPORT OF FCC

COMMISSIONER MEREDITH BAKER.

>> SHE VOTED FOR THE DEAL AND

HAS SINCE BEEN OUTSPOKEN

COMPLAINING THAT THE FCC'S

MERGER REVIEW PROCESS IS

CUMBERSOME AND TAKES TOO LONG.

>> Jon: GOOD FOR YOU, MADAM

COMMISSIONER.

CUT TO THE RED TAPE TO SAVE

TIME AND MONEY FOR THE

AMERICAN TAX PAYOR.

FINALLY SOMEONE IN GOVERNMENT

WHO IS NOT JUST LOOKING OUT

FOR NUMBER ONE.

>> FEDERAL COMMUNICATIONS

COMMISSIONER MEREDITH BAKER

ANNOUNCED SHE'S RESIGNING NEXT

MONTH TO BECOME COMCAST NBC

UNIVERSAL'S SENIOR VICE

PRESIDENT OF GOVERNMENTAL

AFFAIRS.

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