Immigration & the WWE

  • Aired:  06/18/13
  •  | Views: 64,123

Professional wrestling engages in a more articulate immigration debate than anything heard in Congress. (6:54)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK!

SO IMMIGRATION CLEARLY A

DOMINANCE ISSUE IN THE COUNTRY

RIGHT NOW.

IT'S BEING DISCUSSED EVERYWHERE

AND I DO MEAN EVERYWHERE.

>> I AM SPEAKING TO YOU FROM

WITHIN A COUNTRY IS UNDER SIEGE

EVERYDAY.

WE HAVE FOREIGNERS FLOODING OUR

COUNTRY, SNEAKING ACROSS OUR

BORDER LIKE RATS IN THE STREETS.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

>> John: HEY!

HEY!

I'M ONE OF THOSE RATS AND I'LL

HAVE YOU KNOW I TRUST THE OCEAN

ON A VERY COMFORTABLE VIRGIN

ATLANTIC FLIGHT.

THE TIME FLEW BY SO GET YOUR

FACTS STRAIGHT.

SO EVEN THE W.W.E. CURRENTLY HAS

A STORY LINE AROUND THE

IMMIGRATION DEBATE AND TO GIVE

THEM CREDIT THEY ACTUALLY HAD A

GOOD DISCUSSION ABOUT THE

AMBIVALENCE AND HYPOCRISY AT THE

HEART OF OUR POLICIES.

>> NEXT TIME HE COMES DOWN HERE,

HE PREACHES HOW ABOUT JACK IS

THE REAL AMERICAN AND PEOPLE

FROM OTHER COUNTRIES SHOULDN'T

COME IN HERE AND THEY TAKE OUR

JOBS.

>> HE'S FROM OUR COUNTRY.

HE'S COME THE WRONG WAY!

>> HE CAME TO BRING YOU TO THIS

GUY ANTONIO CESARO.

>> GIVE ME A BREAK!

>> Jon: WHAT BEAUTIFUL DREAMER

TELEVISION IS THIS?

NOT ONLY WAS THAT TECHNICALLY

MORE ARTICULATE A DEBATE THAN

ANYTHING WE'VE HEARD IN CONGRESS

BUT IT CAME WITH HALF NAKED MEN

FIGHTING!

IT'S LIKE C-SPAN WITH ELBOW

DROPS.

(LAUGHTER)

PLEASE, GIVE ME MORE.

>> HE WAS EVEN MAD THAT JOHN

OLIVER TOOK OVER FOR JON STEWART

TONIGHT.

>> THAT'S THE BRITISH COMEDIAN

TAKING OVER "THE DAILY SHOW" FOR

A COUPLE MONTHS.

>> John: WHAT IS HAPPEN?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

YOU'RE MAD AT ME?

YOU'RE MAD AT ME?

OH, NOW THIS IS PERSONAL.

I KNOW HOW PRO WRESTLING WORKS.

YOU TRY TO TALK ABOUT ME, I'M

GOING TO TRASH TALK RIGHT BACK

AT YOU.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

SO COME ON, IF THAT IS YOUR REAL

FAKE NAME, LET'S DO THIS.

LET'S DO THIS THEN.

I AM HERE TO REPRESENT FOR ALL

IMMIGRANTS, GIVE ME SOME FIRE

BACK THERE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

IF ZEB WANTS TO GO AFTER

IMMIGRANT RATS HE BETTER BE

PREPARED TO GET GNAWED ON

BECAUSE WE'VE GOT TEETH!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I MAY NOT QUITE HAVE THE MUSCLE

MASS FOR THIS.

I MIGHT NEED A LITTLE HELP.

NICK, NICK, DO YOU MIND HELPING

ME?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

OKAY, TAKE IT, TAKE IT.

>> ZEB, YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH

IMMIGRANTS?

NOW YOU'VE GOT A PROBLEM WITH ME

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> YOU DONE POKED A BEAR, SON!

>> ZEB, IF YOU DON'T LIKE

IMMIGRANTS COMING HERE AND

TAKING OUR JOBS, WHY DON'T YOU

GET YOUR ASS OUT OF THE RING AND

PICK VEGETABLES 14 HOURS A DAY

FOR 50 CENTS AN HOUR!

>> John: EXACTLY!

OR WOULD YOU RATHER THE

STRAWBERRYS IN YOUR PROTEIN

SHAKE COST $75 BECAUSE THAT'S

THE ECONOMIC REALITY OF THE

SITUATION!

COMPLICATED.

COMPLICATED.

>> IMMIGRANTS DO OUR COUNTRY'S

DIRTIEST JOBS.

DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES, THE

STONES TO STEP INTO A BASIC

CABLE TALK SHOW'S HOST CHAIR?

(LAUGHTER)

IF YOUR BOSS GOES AWAY FOR THE

SUMMER --

>> I DON'T THINK YOU DO!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I DON'T THINK YOU'VE GOT IT.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> BUT THIS IMMIGRANT DOES!

>> John: YES!

I'VE GOT IT!

I'VE GOT IT!

>> EVEN THOUGH JON STEWART IS A

T.V. ICON WHOSE HARD-WON LEGACY

OLIVER IS PISSING AWAY.

>> John: WHOA!

>> FOR AN AUDIENCE WATCHING OUT

OF NOTHING BUT HABIT.

>> John: NO, NO.

>> YEARNING FOR THE REAL JON'S

RETURN IN SEPTEMBER.

>> John: LET'S GET BACK ON

POINT.

>> SO THE NEXT GUY WHO TRIES TO

TALK SMACK ABOUT IMMIGRANTS IS

GOING TO HAVE US TO DEAL WITH!

>> EXACTLY.

YOU TILL ME TO SPEAK ENGLISH!

YOU (BLEEP)ING SPEAK ENGLISH!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: WHILE IMMIGRANTS ARE

TAKING THE PATH TO CITIZENSHIP

YOU'LL BE CRAWLING DOWN THE PATH

TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM!

YOU WILL

>> YOU WILL ONLY NEED ONE

DOCUMENT THERE -- A PRESCRIPTION

FOR MORPHINE!

THAT'S A PAINKILLER MOTHER

(BLEEP)ER!

>> SO YOU COME HERE NEXT WEEK

AND WE TAKE THESE CHAIRS, THESE

COLD, STEEL CHAIRS AND WE WILL

UNFOLD THEM.

YES, WE WILL.

AND WE WILL SIT DOWN AND WE WILL

DISCUSS THE COMPLEXITIES OF

IMMIGRATION REFORM WITH YOU.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> IMMIGRANTS BUILT THIS COUNTRY

AND HELPED LEAD IT INTO THE

VIBRANT PATH WE CALL THE

AMERICAN DREAM

>> YOU CAN BELIEVE IT, DREAMERS

WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE A NIGHTMARE!

WE WILL CURSE YOU WITH GRAPHS

SHOWING THE NET ECONOMIC

BENEFITS OF AN INCLUSIVE POLICY

THAT EMBRACES THE TIRED, THE

POOR, THE HUDDLED MASSES

SEARCHING, SEARCHING, SEARCHING

FOR A BETTER LIFE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

SO IF YOU HAVE THE GUTS TO

DEBATE WE'LL BE HERE ANY TIME.

YOU COME DOWN HERE NEXT WEEK AND

YOU SAY IT TO MY FACE!

>> I'M NOT GOING TO BE HERE NEXT

WEEK.

I'M PRODUCING A DOCUMENTARY ON

SANTA CLAUS.

>> THAT ACTUALLY SOUNDS

INTERESTING.

IN THAT WHICH CASE YOU SHOULD

COME BACK IN SEPTEMBER AND ASK

FOR JON STEWART, THE HOST, AND

TAKE IT UP WITH HIM!

BUT THE POINT ABOUT IMMIGRATION

STANDS!

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS

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