Mess O'Potamia - Sad Dick Cheney Is Sad

  • Aired:  06/23/14
  •  | Views: 83,176

Michael Che reports on Dick Cheney mournfully lamenting his role in the Iraq War. (3:38)

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]FOR MORE WE TURN TO OUR SENIOR

DICK CHENEY CORRESPONDENTMICHAEL CHE.

MICHAEL CHE, WHAT IS THE LATEST?

>> JON, THIS WEEKEND I MET WITHCHENEY TO TALK WITH HIM ABOUT

HIS ROLE IN THE IRAQ WAR, THEPAST DECADE OF U.S. FOREIGN

POLICY.

AND AS I SAT ACROSS FROM HIM,BRACING FOR ANOTHER ROUND OF

BLAME SHIFTING.

CHENEY PAUSED.

IT WAS AS IF A DECADE OF TENSIONLIFTED FROM HIS FACE, LEAVING

ONLY SORROW.

>> Jon: SORROW?

WHAT?

>> THE DAM WAS BREAKING, JON.

HE LOOKED AT ME NOT AS APOLITICIAN BUT AS ONE MAN TO

ANOTHER AND SAID, "MICHAEL, I'MSORRY.

I'M SORRY FOR ALL THE PAIN THATI'VE CAUSED."

>> Jon: DICK CHENEY SAID THAT?

>> YEP.>> Jon: WHAT?

>> AND AS HE NERVOUSLY FIDDLEDWITH A BUTTON ON HIS HALIBURTON

PAJAMAS, HE WENT ON TOSAY, "A PLAN THAT RELIES

ON UNLIMITED TROOPS AND MONEY TOSTABILIZE COUNTRIES WE HAVE

INVADED UNTIL THOSE COUNTRIESDEVELOP SELF-SUSTAINING

PRO-WESTERN DEMOCRACY ISREALLY, REALLY STUPID."

>> Jon: HE SAID "STUPID"?

>> I'M STUPID.

>> Jon: HE SAID HE WAS STUPID.

>> END QUOTE.

>> Jon: SO NOT ONLY IS DICKCHENEY SO DISTRAUGHT THAT HE'S

WEARING PAJAMAS IN THE DAYTIME,BUT HE IS ACCEPTING

RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS SITUATIONIN IRAQ AND EVERYTHING THAT

WE'VE GOTTEN INTO.

>> LOOK, ALL I KNOW IS THAT ASRAINWATER DRIPPED DOWN THE

WINDOW, DICK CHENEY PUT HIS HANDAGAINST THE PANE AS HE

WHISPERED, "WHAT HAVE I DONE?"[LAUGHTER]

"WHAT HAVE I DONE?">> Jon: [BLEEPED].

MICHAEL, WHAT DID YOU SAY?

>> I ASKED HIM WHAT HE DID.

AND HE SAID, "I IGNORED THEREGION'S DELICATE INTERNAL

POLITICS AND HID BEHIND EMPTYPROMISES THAT WE'D BE GREETED AS

LIBERATORS."

>> Jon: UNBELIEVABLE.

>> AND THEN CHENEY'S EMOTIONSBECAME TOO MUCH FOR MERE WORDS.

>> Jon: REALLY?

>> HE BEGAN TO SING SOFTLY IN AMELANCHOLY TONE.

>> Jon: WHAT?

>> ♪ MY COUNTRY'S PISSED AT ME

I LIED ABOUT WMDs ♪♪>> Jon: WHAT?

>> IT WAS A LITTLE CLUNKY,BUT MAN, HE

WAS SPITTING IT OFF THE TOP,JON.

YOU GOT GIVE HIM CREDIT.

>> Jon: THAT IS AMAZING.MICHAEL, MICHAEL.

K, CAN HE SING?

>> LIKE A [BLEEPED] ANGEL.

>> Jon: YOU GOTTA TELL ME YOUGOT THIS ON TAPE.

I GOT SEE IT.

>> I GOT IT ON TAPE.

WHAT, GET THE [BLEEPED] OUT OFHERE. MR. CHENEY,

THIS IS GOING TO MAKE GREATTELEVISION WHEN I REPORT ALL THE

WORDS YOU'RE TELLING ME RIGHTNOW.

[LAUGHTER][CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

>> Jon: SO IT'S ON YOU THEWHOLE TIME. LOOK,

I KNOW YOU JUST STARTED WORKINGHERE AND EVERYTHING, BUT THE

CAMERA WAS ON YOU THE WHOLETIME, IS THAT WHAT THAT...

YEAH...

>> OH, YEAH, YOU DIRECT ONEMOVIE AND NOW YOU SUPPOSED TO BE

SPIELBERG?

>> Jon: LISTEN, IF THESE ARECHENEY'S TRUE FEELINGS, WHY IS

HE ALL OVER THE NEWS BLAMINGOBAMA?

>> CAUSE HE'S AN ASSHOLE, JON, ATRAGIC ASSHOLE, BUT AN ASSHOLE

NONETHELESS.

>> THANK YOU, MICHAEL.

MICHAEL CHE, EVERYBODY.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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