Indecision 2012 - Three Men and a White-Haired Man-Baby

  • Aired:  02/23/12
  •  | Views: 171,998

At the Arizona GOP debate, Rick Santorum explains the decision-making process behind his conservative transgressions, and Mitt Romney describes himself as resolute. (7:40)

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>> Jon: HEY, WELCOME TO THE

DAILY SHOW, MY NAME IS JON

STEWART, YOUR GUEST TONIGHT,

PAUL RUDD.

ACTOR PAUL RUDD.

PAUL RUDD IS GOING TO BE ON

THE PROGRAM TONIGHT, I LIKE

HAVING HIM AROUND, IT MAKES

ME FEEL BETTER TO SIT NEXT

TO A GUEST WHO HAS

ABSOLUTELY NO CHARM OR

PERSONAL CHAR IS MA.

SON OF A PITCH, LET'S BEGIN

IN ARIZONA, THE SITE OF LAST

NIGHT'S REPUBLICAN DEBATE.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THE TO

THEth DEBATE OF THIS

CAMPAIGN SEASON.

ONE MORE AND THE DEBATE WILL

BE ABLE TO DRINK LEGALLY.

MOSTLY TO FORGET ABOUT THE

TERRIBLE THINGS THEY'VE

HEARD IN THESE DEBATES.

THE NETWORK FOR LAST NIGHT'S

CONTEST, CNN.

AND THEY NEEDED TO BRING

EVERYTHING IN THEIR GRAPHICS

AND VOICE OVER TRUCK TO

INTRODUCE TO YOU CANDIDATES

YOU HAVE ALREADY MET 19

TIMES PRIOR.

>> RICK SANTORUM, THE LATE

CONTENDER.

MITT ROMNEY, THE LONG

DISTANCE RUNNER.

NEWT GINGRICH, THE

DETERMINED CHALLENGER.

RON PAUL, THE DELEGATE

HUNTER.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: THESE FOUR MEN HAVE

GOT JUST 48 HOURS TO BREAK

INTO THE WORLD'S TOUGHEST

PRISON.

WOMEN'S PRISON?

IT WAS CLEAR FROM THE

OPENING STATEMENT MITT

ROMNEY HAS A LOT OF FAMILY

IN ARIZONA.

>> I WANT TO RESTORE

AMERICA'S PROMISE AND I'M

GOING TO DO THAT--

(APPLAUSE)

>> THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH.

>> AS GEORGE KOS STANZA

WOULD SAY, WHEN THEY ARE

PLAUDING STOP, RIGHT.

>> Jon: TWO THINGS, ONE,

THAT'S THE APPLAUSE PART FOR

THE NIGHT.

I'M GOING TO RESTORE

AMERICA'S PROMISE AND-- EVEN

ROMNEY COULDN'T BELIEVE YOU

WERE CLAPPING FOR THAT

PABLUM.

AND TWO, ROMNEY, THAT'S NOT

THE SEINFELD LINE, IT'S

JERRY'S LINE.

AND IT GOES LIKE THIS.

>> WHEN YOU HIT THAT HIGH

NOTE, YOU IS SAY GOOD NIGHT

AND WALK OFF.

SO DON'T PRETEND LIKE YOU

WATCH SEINFELD, BIG PHONEY.

THE BIG QUESTION, HOW WOULD

THE REPUBLICAN CANDIDATES

TREAT NEWLY CROWNED

FRONT-RUNNER RICK SANTORUM.

THE ANSWER, LIKE THEY WAS

HIS POPPA.

>> SENATOR, DURING YOUR TERM

IN CONGRESS, THE YEARS

YOU'VE BEEN THERE,

GOVERNMENT HAS DOUBLED IN

SIZE.

>> THE SENATOR VOTED FOR NO

CHILD LEFT BEHIND, NOW HE'S

RUNNING ON THE EFFORT TO GET

RID OF IT.

>> HE VOTED FOR THE BRIDGE

TO NOWHERE.

>> HE LITERALLY VOTED FOR

ABORTION.

BECAUSE PLANNED PARENTHOOD

GETS THE MONEY.

>> IF YOU HAVE NOT SUPPORTED

HIM F WE HAD SAID NO TO

ARLEN SPECTER WE WOULD NOT

HAVE OBAMACARE.

>> YOU HAVE A NEW TELEVISION

AD THAT LABELS HIM A FAKE.

WHY?

>> BECAUSE HE'S A FAKE.

(LAUGHTER)

>> I'M REAL, I'M REAL, I'M

REAL.

>> CONGRATULATIONS.

>> Jon: I AM REAL, RON.

AND IF YOU TOUCH ME, YOU'LL

FEEL KIND OF A SALTY FILM ON

MY ARM.

WHICH I CRIED WHEN YOU SAID

THOSE HURTY WORDS.

WHAT HAPPENED NEXT IS THE

REASON RICK SANTORUM WILL BE

ONE MORE FAILED NOT ROMNEY.

RATHER THAN MASK HIS

CONSERVATIVE FAILINGS WITH

DENIALS OR LIES OR

NONSENSICAL TWADDLE, HE

ATTEMPTED TO EXPLAIN THE

DECISION-MAKING PROCESS

BEHIND HIS TRANSGRESSION.

>> I OPPOSED TITLE 10

FUNDING, I ALWAYS OPPOSED IT

BUT IT INCLUDED IN A LARGER

A PROCEED BRACING BILL THAT

INCLUDES A WHOLE LOST OF

OTHER THINGS INCLUDING THE

FUNDING FOR THE NATIONAL

INSTITUTES OF HEALTH.

>> I MADE IT VERY CLEAR, IN

SUBSEQUENT INTERVIEWS THAT

I-- I DON'T SUPPORT THAT.

I HAVE NEVER SUPPORTED IT.

WHY I SUPPORTED ARLEN

SPECTER, NUMBER ONE, BECAUSE

BECAUSE-- BECAUSE, BECAUSE

ARLEN SPECTER DONE I

SUPPORTED NO CHILD LEFT

BEHIND, I SUPPORTED IT.

IT WAS THE PRINCIPAL

PRINCIPAL-- PRINCIPLES

PRIORITY OF PRESIDENT BUSH.

WHEN YOU ARE PART OF THE

TEAM SOMETIME US TAKE ONE

FOR THE TEAM FOR THE LEADER

AND I MADE A MISTAKE.

YOU KNOW, POLITICS IS A TEAM

SPORT, FOLKS.

>> Jon: BOO, BOO, I BOO YOUR

UNCOMFORTABLY FRANK

ASSESSMENT OF THE INNER

WORKINGS OF OUR LEGISLATURE.

BOO.

SANTORUM, ARE YOU IN A

DEBATE THIS IS NO PLACE FOR

REASONED ARGUING.

(LAUGHTER)

SHOW THEM HOW IT'S DONE,

BOYS.

>> WE HAVE TO HAVE

INDIVIDUALS THAT WILL STAND

UP FOR RELIGIOUS CONSCIOUS

AND I DID AND I WILL AGAIN

AS PRESIDENT.

>> I BELIEVE THIS IS THE

MOST DANGEROUS PRESIDENT ON

NATIONAL SECURITY GROUNDS IN

AMERICAN HISTORY.

>> AND JUST AS ARIZONA IS

FINDING OUT, YOU CAN STOP

ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION.

IT'S TIME WE FINALLY DID IT.

>> NOT ONCE DID ANYBODY IN

THE ELITE MEDIA ASK WHY

BARACK OBAMA VOTED IN FAVOR

OF LEGALIZING INFANTICIDE.

SO LET'S BE CLEAR HERE.

>> Jon: I'M SORRY, I THINK

YOU MAY HAVE PRESIDENT OBAMA

CONFUSED WITH KING HEROD.

IT IS A COMMON MISTAKE,

UNDERSTANDABLE.

FOR MONTH ITS NOW THESE

REPUBLICANS CANDIDATES HAVE

CHRIS CROSSED OUR GREAT

NATION.

MEETING HARDWORKING

AMERICANS IN DINERS ON THE

ROADSIDE AT TRUCK STOPS,

ENGAGING IN 20 TELEVISED

DEBATES, NEARLY TWO DAYS

WORTH, SPIRITED

GIVE-AND-TAKE ABOUT THE FATE

AND FUTURE OF THIS GREAT

NATION WHICH WE LOVE.

AND YET, IT IS NOT SETTLED.

CAN WE SETTLE THIS, PLEASE,

PERHAPS IN ONE MORE CHANCE.

JOHN KING, THE HAIL MARY, IF

YOU WILL.

>> WITHOUT CAVEATS OR

EXPLANATIONS, PLEASE DEFINE

YOURSELF USING ONE WORD AND

ONE WORD ONLY.

>> Jon: OH, MAN, YOU SO GET

US!

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: WE COULD HAVE JUST

DONE THIS ONE WORD [BLEEP]

AT THE BEGINNING OF THE

WHOLE SHEBANG.

SAVED OURSELVES A WHOLE LOT

OF TIME AND MONEY.

>> CONGRESSMAN PAUL?

>> CONSISTENT.

>> Jon: I'LL GIVE HIM THAT.

I GOT TO TELL YOU THOUGH

THIS IS WHEN YOU REALLY MISS

RECOGNIZE PERRY IN THE

DEBATES, DON'T YOU?

HE IS THE GUY.

HE'S THE GUY WHO COULD

ACTUALLY BLOW IT IN ONE WORD.

COULD YOU SHALL DID --

BECAUSE YOU CAN'T WIN IT IN

ONE WORD, THERE IS ONE WAY,

BUT YOU COULD BLOW THIS

MOTHER [BLEEP] IN ONE WORD,

COULDN'T YOU.

RICK PERRY DESCRIBE YOURSELF

IN ONE WORD, TITTIES, NO!

WHY DID I SAY THAT!

OH!

WHY DID I SAY TITTIES!

THAT WAS WRONG!

OH MAN!

I WAS GOING TO SAY

NIGGERHEAD-- OH, THAT'S TWO

WORDS, OH, WHY DID I SAY!

OH, MAN.

I SHOULD HAVE SAID PANCAKES,

PANCAKES, OH,

THAT'S-- OH-- I HAVE HAD A

BALL OUT HERE.

OF COURSE THE SINGLE WORD

CHALLENGE WOULD PROVE

TOUGHER SLEDDING FOR WILLARD

MITT ROMNEY, A CANDIDATE

FIGHTING THE PERCEPTION THAT

HE GOES WHERE THE WIND

BLOWER, WILL DO ANYTHING TO

WIN.

I'M GUESSING ROMNEY PULLED

THEE VIDZERS, COMMISSIONED A

FOCUS GROUP, DESIGNED TO

EFFECTIVELY AS POSSIBLE

COUNTER THE NOTION THAT HE

IS A FLIP-FLOPPING FLIP --

>> RESOLUTE.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: YOU KNOW THERE IS

ANOTHER KOS STANZA PHRASE

THAT APPLIES HERE.

>> IT'S NOT A LIE IF YOU

BELIEVE IT.

(LAUGHTER)

AND THEN THERE WAS NEWT

GINGRICH WHO THROUGHOUT THE

NIGHT ARTICULATED A

WORLDVIEW THAT MADE HIM

SOUND LIKE HE HAD GROWN-UP

DURING SOME COMBINATION THE

GREAT DEPRESSION, SEVERAL

WORLD WARS AND HAD THE

BUBONIC PLAGUE.

>> YOU LIVE IN A WORLD OF

TOTAL WAR FARE.

WE HAVE TO GENUINELY WORRY

ABOUT NUCLEAR WEAPONS GOING

OFF IN OUR OWN CITIES.

VIRTUALLY ANYWHERE IN THE

WORLD COULD BE IN DANGER AT

VIRTUALLY ANY MINUTE.

WE ARE NOW LOOK AT AN ABYSS

ALL OF US ARE MORE AT RISK

TODAY, MEN AND WOMEN, BOYS

AND GIRLS, THAN AT ANY TIME

IN THE HISTORY OF THIS

COUNTRY.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT.

AFTER ALL THAT MI ALMOST

AFRAID TO HERE GINGRICH'S

ONE WORD FOR HIMSELF.

>> MR. SPEAKER.

>> CHEERFUL.

(LAUGHTER)

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