Rally to Restore Sanity Announcement

  • Aired:  09/16/10
  •  | Views: 1,252,279

Rational people will gather on the National Mall in D.C. to spread a timeless message: Take It Down a Notch for America. (11:11)

>> Jon: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW".

MY NAME JON STEWART.

WE'VE GOT A SHOW FOR YOU

TONIGHT.

OUR GUEST TONIGHT IS SO

EXCITING.

THE FORMER PRESIDENT OF THESE

UNITED STATES AND RECENT FATHER

OF BRIDE MR. WILLIAM JEFFERSON

CLINTON WILL BE JOINING US.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WE'LL GET RIGHT TO IT, FOLKS.

OUR TOP STORY COMING OUST EUROPE

THE POPE OR BIG PAPI AS THEY

CALL HIM IN BOSTON LEFT ITALY TO

VISIT THE UNITED KINGDOM.

I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY.

I --

[LAUGHTER]

-- I'M SORRY I CAN'T DO THIS.

[LAUGHTER]

I'M SURE THE 500 YEARS IN THE

MAKING RECONCILIATION OF THE DE

FACTO HEAD OF AINGE -- ANGLICAN

CHURCH AND THE DE FACTO LEAD YES

OF CATHOLICS IS INTERESTING TO

SOSOME BUT THE BUZZ I'M HEARING

ON THE STREETS, IN THE CAFES,

SOME OF YOUR NICER UNISEX

BATHROOMS IS THAT PEOPLE CAN

TALK ABOUT LITTLE ELSE THAN

SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED ON THIS

VERY PROGRAM NOT TWO WEEKS AGO.

I JON STEWART AM ANNOUNCING THAT

I WILL HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT

SOMETIME.

[LAUGHTER]

IT WAS --

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I KNOW YOU REMEMBER, TOO.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

IT WAS THE PREANNOUNCEMENT HEARD

ROUND THE WORLD.

[LAUGHTER]

MANY SAY RIFF VYING IN --

RIVALLING THE NIGHT BEFORE

MARTIN LUTHER KING'S I HAVE A

DREAM SPEECH WHEN HE

PREANNOUNCED I'M GOING TO SLEEP

NOW.

LET'S SEE HOW THIS TURNS OUT.

COURTESY OF THE KING ARCHIVES.

[LAUGHTER]

WELL, FRIENDS, THE TIME FOR

PREANNOUNCEMENTS IS PASSED.

TONIGHT I BRING YOU THE ACTUAL

ANNOUNCEMENT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

BUT FIRST --

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

IF I MAY, HOW DID WE GET HERE?

[LAUGHTER]

WE LIVE IN TROUBLED TIMES WITH

REAL PEOPLE FACING VERY REAL

PROBLEMS, PROBLEMS THAT HAVE

REAL IF IMPERFECT SOLUTIONS AND

I BELIEVE 70% TO 80% OF OUR

POPULATION COULD AGREE TO TRY

AND COULD ULTIMATELY LIVE WITH.

UNFORTUNATELY THE CONVERSATION

AND PROCESS IS CONTROLLED BY THE

OTHER 15% TO 20%.

YOU MAY KNOW THEM AS THE PEOPLE

WHO BELIEVE THAT OBAMA IS SECRET

MUSLIM PLANNING A SOCIALIST

TAKEOVER OF AMERICA SO HE CAN

FORCE HIS RADICAL BLACK

CHRISTIANITY DOWN OUR THROATS OR

THAT GEORGE W. BUSH LET 9/11

HAPPEN TO PAD DICK CHENEY'S

HALLIBURTON STOCK PORT FOAL

YOASM YOU'VE SEEN THE SIGNS

OBAMA IS HITLER, BUSH IS HITLER.

WHAT IS THE PROBLEM, PEOPLE, DO

HAVE YOU NO IDEA WHAT A STALIN

MUSTACHE LOOKS LIKE?

IT'S SIMPLE TO DRAW.

THINK SUPERMARIO'S MUSTACHE WITH

WARIO'S PERSONALITY.

WE HAVE SEEN --

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WE HAVE AN AUDIENCE OF NINE YEAR

OLDS.

[LAUGHTER]

WE HAVE SEEN THESE FOLKS, THE

LOUD FOLKS OVER THE YEARS

DOMINATE OUR NATIONAL

CONVERSATION ON OUR MOST

IMPORTANT ISSUES.

>> THE REPUBLICANS WANT YOU TO

DIE QUICKLY IF YOU GET SICK.

>> OBAMA'S PLAN IS GOING IF KILL

YOU -- GOING TO KILL YOU.

>> OBAMA HAS GONE COMPLETELY

BRAIN DEAD.

>> OBAMA IS DESTROYING THIS

COUNTRY.

>> DO YOU THINK PRESIDENT OBAMA

IS SAY SOCIALIST.

>> SURE.

>> THOSE CRAZED TEA BAGGERS.

>> WE WANT OUR COUNTRY BACK NL

R.

>> KILL THE BILL.

>> YOU ARE GOING TO ROT IN HELL.

OBAMA INTHE MEDIA INSULTS

PEOPLE.

>> GO (bleep) YOURSELF MR. --

>> CAN YOU HEAR ME, OWE --

OBAMA.

PRESIDENT OBAMA ARE YOU LISTEN

SOMETHING IN.

>> ARE YOU LISTENING?

>> FORGET ABOUT IT.

>> Jon: YES.

AS YOU CAN SEE IT'S EASY TO GET

CAUGHT UP IN IT.

WHY DON'T WE HEAR FROM THE 70%

TO 80%?

WELL, MOST LIKELY BECAUSE YOU

HAVE (bleep) TO DO.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND QUITE FRANKLY EVEN IF YOU

DIDN'T HAVE (bleep) TO DO, YOU

MAY LOOK THE THEE AT CALL FLARE

NECESSARY FOR TODAY'S 24 HOUR A

DAY, SEVEN DAY A WEEK NEWS

MEDIA.

YOU MAY HAVE AN ASSAULT RIFLE

BUT DON'T THINK IT'S APPROPRIATE

TO BRING TO A RALLY FILLED WITH

YOUR BRETHREN.

YOU MAY BE INTERESTED IN A TOPIC

BUT NOT DRESS ALL IN PINK.

COVER YOUR HANDS IN FAKE BLOOD

AND ACT YOU SNIEWK A MEET

MEETING THAT IS A PUBLIC IN THE

FIRST PLACE (bleep)

INTERESTED.

TONIGHT I ANNOUNCE THE RALLY TO

RESTORE SANITY.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

IT IS HAPPENING, PEOPLE.

IT IS HAPPENING!

IT IS HAPPENING!

A REAL GATHERING --

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

-- WE WILL GATHER.

WE WILL GATHER ON THE NATIONAL

MALL IN WASHINGTON, D.C., A

MILLION MODERATE MARCH WHERE WE

TAKE TO THE STREETS TO SEND A

MESSAGE TO OUR LEADERS AND OUR

NATIONAL MEDIA THAT SAYS WE ARE.

WE'RE ONLY HERE THOUGH UNTIL

6:00 BECAUSE WE HAVE A SITTER.

A CLARION CALL FOR RATIONALITY.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THIS WILL TAKE PLACE ON

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 30, 2010.

YOU ARE PROBABLY SAYING OCTOBER

30, 2010 THAT RINGS A BELL.

THE 36th ANNIVERSARY OF THE

RUMBLE IN THE JUNGLE IN ZAIRE.

YES.

BUT THAT'S NOT WHY THE DATE IS

SIGNIFICANT.

I'LL TELL YOU THE SIGNIFICANCE

OF OCTOBER 30: YOU SEE, "THE

DAILY SHOW" IS ALREADY GOING TO

BE IN WASHINGTON DOING SHOWS

FROM MONDAY THE 25th TO

THURSDAY THE 28th.

WE THOUGHT IF WE DID IT FRIDAY

WE WERE GOING TO BE REALLY FIRED

FROM DOING THE SHOWS SO WE

THOUGHT WE COULD USE A DAY TO

YOU KNOW, THEN WE WERE THINKING

ABOUT SUNDAY.

THAT'S HALLOWEEN.

A LOT OF KIDS WOASM LIKE TO SEE

THEM TRICK-OR-TREAT BECAUSE IT

GOES SO FAST.

[LAUGHTER]

SO OCTOBER 30 THAT MAKES THE

MOST SENSE.

[LAUGHTER]

ANYWAY, YOU MAY BE ASKING --

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YOU MAY BE ASKING YOURSELF RIGHT

NOW SITTING AT HOME, BUT AM I

THE RIGHT TYPE OF FOREIGN GO TO

THIS -- PERSON TO GO TO THIS

RALLY?

THE FACT THAT YOU WOULD EVEN

STOP TO ASK YOURSELF THAT

QUESTION AS OPPOSE TO JUMPING

UP, GRABBING THE NEXT STACK OF

BURNABLE HOLY BOOKS RATHER THAN

GRABBING A CAR AND MOVING TO

D.C., THAT MEANS YOU JUST MIGHT

BE RIGHT FOR IT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I SEE YOU ARE INTRIGUED.

I SEE YOU ARE INTRIGUED BUT

THERE'S SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU.

AS A REASONABLE BUSY PERSON, I

WOULD LOVE TO COME, JON BUT I

DON'T HAVE TIME HANDCRAFT A

MESSAGE AND SIGNAGE.

NOT TO WORRY.

THAT'S WHERE WE COME IN.

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE SIGNS FOR

YOU DOWN THERE.

IF YOU DON'T HAVE TIME.

OF COURSE, YOU CAN BRING YOUR

OWN BUT HERE IS A QUICK ONE.

I DISAGREE WITH YOU, BUT I'M

PRETTY SURE YOU ARE NOT HITLER.

[LAUGHTER]

OOH, HOW ABOUT THIS FOR THE

DISSATISFIED YET NOT IDEA

LOGICAL AMONGST US: GOT

CONFIDENCE?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I NOTICED THERE'S A LOT OF

CONSPIRACY RALLY STUFF GOING ON

AT THESE THINGS.

HERE IS ONE FOR OUR RALLY, 9/11

WAS AN OUTSIDE JOB.

HERE IS ONE: LEGALIZE POT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

NOW --

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I'M GOING TO BE HONEST WITH YOU,

I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS GOT IN

THERE.

TURNS OUT ANY TIME YOU HAVE A

STACK OF SIGNS THIS ONE SEEMS TO

END UP IN IT.

WE DIDN'T PUT IT IN THERE.

I THINK THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS

WHEN SIGNS BREED.

[LAUGHTER]

PERHAPS THIS ONE IS MORE TO THE

POINT.

I AM NOT AFRAID OF MUSLIMS, TEA

PARTYERS, IMMIGRANTS, GAYS, BUT

I AM KIND OF SCARED OF SPIDERS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THIS RALLY THAT IS REAL IS A DAY

THAT WILL ABSOLUTELY -- [PHONE

RINGING]

HELLO ONE SECOND.

HELLO.

NOT THAT ONE.

HOLD ON.

I THINK IT'S THIS PHONE.

HELLO, YEAH.

>> Stephen: HELLO, JON.

>> Jon: STEPHEN COLBERT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

STEPHEN, I'M KIND OF IN THE

MIDDLE --

>> Stephen: ANNOUNCING YOUR

RALLY.

OH, I'M WALL WEAR OF WHAT YOU

ARE -- I'M WELL AWARE OF WHAT

YOU ARE UP TO, JON I'M LOOKING

AT YOU RIGHT NOW.

>> Jon: OH, MY GOD!

THE CALLED IS COMING FROM

INSIDE --

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: CAN YOU HEAR ME?

THAT'S RIGHT, JON.

THAT'S RIGHT, JON, IF YOU THINK

YOU CAN LEAD YOUR FLOCK OF SHEEP

-LE AND PEEPS TO A

GLORIFIED NOODLE FEST ON THE

MALL YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER THING

COMING, MISTER.

>> Jon: TRY TO STOP ME,

COLBERT.

>> Stephen: OH, I WILL.

[LAUGHTER]

STAY TUNED, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

FOR THE "THE COLBERT REPORT"

WHERE I WILL ANNOUNCE.

>> Jon: NO ONE WILL HEAR YOU.

>> Stephen: HELLO?

HELLO?

DAMN YOU AT&T!

>> Jon: YES.

STEPHEN COLBERT, WE ARE GOING TO

DO THIS.

THE FORMS HAVE BEEN FILLED OUT.

THE CHECKS HAVE BEEN WRITTEN.

IT'S GOING TO BE ABOUT TWO TO

THREE HOURS ONE SATURDAY IN OUR

NATION'S CAPITAL IN LATE OCTOBER

FOR NICE PEOPLE TO GET TOGETHER

FOR FUN, MAYBE SOME SPECIAL

GUESTS AND SOME GREAT

CONVERSATION.

IT WILL BE LIKE BEING IN A CHAT

ROOM BUT REAL!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I DON'T KNOW, SEEMS LIKE A

PRETTY REASONABLE REQUEST.

SEE YOU OCTOBER 30 ON THE

NATIONAL MALL SPREADING THE

TIMELESS MESSAGE, TAKE IT DOWN A

NOTCH!

FOR

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