Budge Report - A Miraculous Compromise

  • Aired:  12/11/13
  •  | Views: 33,348

John Oliver explains why the achievement of a bipartisan budget bill ranks up there with the Civil Rights Act and a 90% incumbency rate. (4:13)

WE GO TO SENIOR POLITICALCORRESPONDENT JOHN OLIVER.

JOHN -->> JON, WHAT A DAY.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]JOY TO THE WORLD, JON.

WHAT AN AMAZING WONDERFUL,GLORIOUS DAY THIS IS HERE IN

WASHINGTON, D.C.

>> Jon: IT'S A GOOD DAY.

IT'S NICE.

>> IT'S WHAT?

IT'S NICE, JON?

GELATO IS NICE.

TOM HANKS IS NICE.

TOM HANKS GELATO IS DISGUSTINGBUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT.

THIS IS EVERYTHING WE'VE BEENWAITING FOR.

>> Jon: NOT EVERYTHING.

>> IT'S THE WHALE JUMPING OVERTHE KID AT THE END OF FREE

WILLIE AND NOT GETTING A DROP OFWATER ON HIM, JON, NOT A DROP.

>> Jon: JOHN, THE KID ISGETTING SOAKED.

>> NOT A DROP OF WATER, JON.

IT'S THE DEAL -- IT'S CHARLIEBUCKET INHERITING AN ENTIRE

FACTORY FULL OF CHOCOLATE ANDSLAVES.

[LAUGHTER]WERE EITHER OF THOSE MOMENTS

JUST NICE TO YOU, JON?

>> Jon: IS IT LIKE ET GOINGHOME?

>> IT'S NOT LIKE THAT, JON?

HOW IS LETTING AN ALIEN ESCAPEWHEN ALL THE SECRETS TO THE

UNIVERSE ARE HELD WITHIN HIS ONEEASILY SEVERED FINGER A TRIUMPH.

THAT WAS A DISASTER.

THINK OF SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH WELET FLY AWAY.

>> Jon: IT WAS A MOVIE ABOUTFRIENDSHIP OVERCOMING OBSTACLES.

>> YOUR WRONG!

YOU'RE WRONG.

LOOK, JON, MY ARGUMENT HERE --[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: HE -->> WE LET A CHILD LET HIM

ESCAPE.

YOU ARE WRONG.

THE POINT IS, JON.

I'M SAYING ON THE SCALE OFMIRACULOUS CONGRESSIONAL

ACHIEVEMENTS THIS BUDGET BILLRANKS UP THERE WITH THE CIVIL

RIGHTS ACT AND A 90% INCUMBANCY RATE.

>> Jon: IT'S A MODEST, AMODEST, LET'S JUST NOT SHUT THE

GOVERNMENT DOWN FOR A COUPLEYEARS AND TRY TO FIGURE THIS

OUT.

>> JON, YOU ARE NOT RECOGNIZINGTHE DISTANCE THE TWO SIDES HAD

TO TRAVEL TO THAT.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHERE THEYSTARTED JUST TWO MONTHS AGO.

LET ME READ TO YOU, JON, FROMTHE CONGRESSIONAL RECORD OF

THEIR FIRST MEETING.

>> Jon: PLEASE.

PLEASE DO THIS.

>> DAY ONE OF NEGOTIATIONS.

HEY (bleep).

WE START THINGS ON TIME AROUNDHERE.

[ LAUGHTER ]OH, I'M SORRY I'M LATE, PERHAPS

THE GENTLEMAN FROM THE GREATSTATE OF WISCONSIN DIDN'T

REALIZE THAT I WAS AT HOME(bleep) HIS MOM.

>> Jon: WHOA.

>> I KNOW.

>> Jon: WHOA WHOA.

>> I KNOW.

PATTY MURRAY HAS A MOUTH ON HER,JON.

A FILTHY MOUTH.

>> Jon: THAT'S NOT A PROMISINGSTART.

>> IT GOT WORSE.

HERE IS THE AUDIO FROM DAY FOUR.

LISTEN [SCREAMING]>> Jon: PRETTY SURE THAT'S

FROM TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE.

>> PRETTY SURE YOU'RE WRONG.

>> Jon: HOW DID THEY ARRIVE ATA DEAL?

>> LET'S SKIP TO THE END.

ON THE LAST DAY RYAN SAID HEY(bleep) HOW DOES A BUDGET OF A

TRILLION SOUND AND SAID MAKE IT$1.012 TRILLION AND YOU HAVE A

DEAL (bleep) AND SUDDENLY.

♪ COME WITH ME AND YOU'LL SEE AWORLD OF PASSING LEGISLATION ♪

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: DON'T THROW YOUR

THINGS.

SOMEONE HAS TO CLEAN THAT UP.

WILL THERE EVEN BE ENOUGH VOTESFOR THIS?

>> OH, OH, YES, JON.

CONGRESS WILL VOTE FOR THIS IFTHEY KNOW WHAT IS GOOD FOR THEM.

>> SEVERAL LAWMAKERS TOLD USTHEIR WIVES HAVE THREATENED

TO LEAVE THEM IF THEY ALLOWEDYET ANOTHER CRISIS TO RUIN YET

ANOTHER FAMILY CHRISTMAS.

>> NOW THERE'S A DEAL, JON, ALLTHE REPRESENTATIVES HEAD HOME

FOR A MERRY TRIPLE X-MASS.

THERE'S A LOT OF STOCKINGS BEINGSTUFFED, JON.

I'M TALKING ABOUT A (bleep)FEST, JON.

>> Jon: WE UNDERSTAND THAT.

JOHN OLIVER EVERYBODY.

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