War on Christmas - S#@t's Getting Weird Edition

  • Aired:  12/12/13
  •  | Views: 808,437

Gretchen Carlson issues a manger danger warning, and Megyn Kelly defends Santa Claus's historically-based Caucasian bona fides. (5:02)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILY

SHOW."

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

WE'VE GOT A GOOD ONE FOR YOUTONIGHT.

MY GUEST EVANGELINE LILLY.

BUT FIRST -- I DON'T KNOW WHATTHAT WAS.

[LAUGHTER]WE ALL KNOW CHRISTMAS IS

EVERYONE'S FAVORITE HOLIDAY,EVERYONE'S.

[ LAUGHTER ]-- EVERYONE'S.

[ LAUGHTER ]BUT IT'S DIFFICULT FOR EVEN THE

STAUNCHEST DEFENDERS OFCHRISTMAS TO KEEP THE SPIRIT OF

THE SEASON WHEN CHRISTMAS ITSVERY ESSENCE IS UNDER CONSTANT

SIEGE BY SOMEONE, SOMETHING.

[LAUGHTER]IT'S THE SUBJECT OF THE NEW

SEGMENT WAR ON CHRISTMAS(bleep) GETTING WEIRD EDITION.

FIRST UP.

[ LAUGHTER ]THE GENERAL PATTON OF THE WAR ON

CHRISTMAS.

THERE'S A CRAZIER TOPIC OUTTHERE.

>> REMEMBER THIS CLASSICSEINFELD MOMENT.

>> OUT OF THAT A NEW HOLIDAY WASBORN A FESTIVUS FOR THE REST OF

US.

>> THAT'S A CLASSIC EPISODE.

THE EPISODE WAS FUNNY BUTNOT FESTIVUS.

>> Jon: YES, THAT EPISODE WASFUNNY BUT NOT FESTIVUS THE

CENTRAL COMEDIC PART OF THEEPISODE.

NOT FUNNY.

WHY IS IT NOT A HOLIDAY FOR THEREST OF US.

>> A NEARLY SIX FOOT TALLFESTIVUS POLE MADE OF EMPTY

>> A NEARLY SIX FOOT TALLFESTIVUS POLE MADE OF EMPTY

BEER CANS IS GOING TO GO ONDISPLAY AT THE FLORIDA CAPITAL.

NOT KIDDING. IT'S PART OF A NOTSO SUBTLE PROTEST AGAINST THE

NATIVITY SCENE ALREADY ONDISPLAY.

>> Jon: WHO GIVES A (bleep).

CAN'T YOU JUST PRETEND IT'S APLACE FOR THE WISEMEN TO TIE UP

THE CAMELS.

HOW ABOUT THAT?

HYOU ARE CONCERED THERE'S A SIXFOOT FESTIVUS POLE MADE OUT OF

BEER CANS?

IT'S FLORIDA.

YOU ARE LUCKY THERE'S NOT ASTRIPPER NAMED CHRISTMAS

SWINGING ON IT.

HAVE YOU BEEN TO FLORIDA?

I APOLOGIZE YOU ARE UPSET. WHYDO I HAVE TO DRIVE AROUND WITH

MY KIDS TO LOOK FOR NATIVITYSCENES AND BE LIKE OH, YEAH KIDS

THERE'S BABY JESUS BEHIND THEFESTIVUS

POLE MADE OUT OF BEER CANS.

IT'S NUTS.

[ LAUGHTER ]>> Jon: YES, THAT SOUNDS

RELATIVELY NUTS.

[LAUGHTER]WHY ARE YOU DRIVING AROUND --

[LAUGHTER]-- LOOKING FOR NATIVITY SCENES

IN THE CAR WHEN YOU COULD JUSTBRING YOUR KIDS TO WHERE YOU

WORK WHERE YOU PUT A GIANTNATIVITY SCENE OUT ON THE PLAZA.

[ LAUGHTER ]BUT AS MUCH AS I'M USED TO

GRETCHEN'S YEARLY MANGER DANGERWARNINGS A LITTLE SURPRISED TO

SEE MEGYN KELLY GOING FULLCHRISTMAS NOG.

>> ON SLATE.COM THEY HAVE APIECE ABOUT SANTA CLAUS SHOULD

NOT BE A WHITE PERSON ANYMORE.

FOR ALL YOU KIDS AT HOME, SANTAIS WHITE BUT PEOPLE WANT A BLACK

SANTA.

BUT WE'RE JUST DEBATING THISBECAUSE SANTA IS WHAT HE IS BUT

WE'RE DEBATING IT BECAUSESOMEONE WROTE ABOUT IT, KIDS.

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: (bleep) JUST GOT

REAL.

SANTA IS JUST WHITE.

AND WHO ARE YOU ACTUALLY TALKINGTO?

[LAUGHTER]CHILDREN WHO ARE SOPHISTICATED

ENOUGH TO BE WATCHING A NEWSCHANNEL AT 10:00 AT NIGHT, YET

INNOCENT ENOUGH TO STILL BELIEVESANTA CLAUS IS REAL YET RACIST

ENOUGH TO BE FREAKED OUT IF HEISN'T WHITE.

[ LAUGHTER ][CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THAT'S SUCH A NARROW -- YES,WEST VIRGINIA, THERE IS A SANTA

CLAUS.

[LAUGHTER]BUT SINCE WE'RE PRETENDING TO

DEBATE THIS, CARRY ON.

>> THE AUTHOR SEEMS TO HAVE, YOUKNOW SHE'S AFRICAN-AMERICAN AND

SHE SEEMS TO HAVE REAL PAIN ATHAVING GROWN UP WITH THIS IMAGE

OF A WHITE SANTA.

JUST BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU FEELUNCOMFORTABLE DOESN'T MEAN IT

HAS TO CHANGE.

>> Jon: ACTUALLY I THINK THATIS THE OFFICIAL SLOGAN OF

OPPRESSION.

[ LAUGHTER ]OPPRESSION: JUST BECAUSE IT

MAKES YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLEDOESN'T MEAN IT HAS TO CHANGE.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]YOU KNOW WHAT IS INTERESTING?

THAT'S ALSO THESLOGAN OF ARBY'S.

[ LAUGHTER ]I DON'T KNOW WHY WE DO THAT THEY

ARE PERFECTLY NICE PEOPLE ANDTHEY MAKE PERFECTLY NICE FOOD.

I DON'T KNOW WHY WE CONTINUE TODO THIS.

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