Tales of Manufactured Conflict - Speechgate

  • Aired:  09/06/11
  •  | Views: 91,877

The 24-hour news media turn a tale of reasonable accommodation into a tale of manufactured conflict. (4:24)

(LAUGHTER)

BUT WE ARE BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

WHERE DID WE... LET ME E ASK YOU

A QUESTION.

WHERE DID WE LEAVE OFF?

WHERE DID WE...

>> THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE

ASKING THE QUESTION WHEREBY THE

JOBS?

>> WE SHOULD BE FOCUSED ON JOBS.

>> WHERE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT

ISSUE WE FACE, EXPANDING THE

ECONOMY AND CREATING JOBS.

>> WHERE ISJOBS.

>> Jon: I AM SO CONCERNED

ABOUT JOBS THAT I LEFT MY JOB TO

RUN FOR OFFICE TO CREATE JOBS

FOR OTHER...

(LAUGHTER).

I DON'T KNOW WHY I DID THAT!

NOW, SOMEONE ELSE CAN TAKE MY

OLD JOB, I'M GOING TO TAKE SOME

OTHER GUY'S JOB AND THAT GUY CAN

GO (BLEEP) HIMSELF.

(LAUGHTER)

GOOD NEWS, THOUGH.

PRESIDENT OBAMA ANNOUNCED THAT

ON THE VERY FIRST DAY THAT THE

GOVERNMENT WAS BACK IN SESSION

HE WOULD GIVE A SPEECH TO BOTH

HOUSES OF CONGRESS ON THE VERY

PRESSING TOPIC OF JOBS.

>> THERE'S A REPUBLICAN

PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE AT THE SAME

TIME HE WANTED TO SPEAK.

>> Jon: DAMN!

(LAUGHTER)

A REPUBLICAN DEBATE THE VERY

SAME NIGHT THE PRESIDENT WISHES

TO SPEAK ABOUT JOBS.

I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING TO

GO.

LOGGERHEADS, BATTLES, CONFLICT,

GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN, ESCALATION

OF RHETORIC, RACE WAR, FERRELL

LEPRECHAUNS ROAMING THE STREETS.

WE'RE DOOMED!

>> WEDNESDAY SEEMED TO BE THE

BEST OPTION, WHEN THAT WASN'T

AVAILABLE... WHEN THAT SEEMED TO

BE A PROBLEM, THURSDAY WAS FINE

WITH US.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: WELL, THERE YOU HAVE

IT.

THE PRESIDENT OFFERED A DATE,

THE REPUBLICANS SAID "COULD YOU

MOVE THAT A DAY?"

AND THE PRESIDENT SAID "ALL

RIGHT."

(LAUGHTER)

NONCRISIS AVERTED.

IT'S THE FIRST INSTALLMENT OF

WHAT I HOPE WILL BE MANY IN OUR

NEW SEGMENT "TALES OF REASONABLE

ACCOMMODATION."

I TELL YOU, IT'S NICE TO SEE

THAT EVERY NOW AND AGAIN.

PEOPLE IN WASHINGTON WORK

TOGETHER TO SOLVE A MINOR...

>> THE ONE DAY CONTROVERSY KNOWN

AS SPEECH-GATE.

>> WHERE IS SPEECH-GATE.

>> WHERE IS DEBATE-GATE.

>> WHERE IS HOW CAN OUR

POLITICAL LEADERS DO BIG THINGS

LIKE REDUCE THE DEBT OR FIX THE

ECONOMY IF THEY BUTT HEADS OVER

A SCHEDULING SPEECH.

>> Jon: ARE YOU (BLEEP)ING

INSANE?

(LAUGHTER)

"HOW CAN AMERICANS TRUST THEIR

POLITICAL LEADERS NOT TO SNEAK

INTO THEIR HOUSES AND KILL THEM

IN THEIR SLEEP WHEN IT TOOK THEM

24 WHOLE HOURS TO DO A SCHEDULE

RETHINGY."

SEE, THIS IS WHY I HATE THE

24-HOUR NEWS NETWORKS.

WELL, AMONG THE REASONS I HATE

THEM.

THEY'VE TURNED OUR TALE OF

REASONABLE ACCOMMODATION INTO

TALE OF MANUFACTURED

CONTROVERSY.

AND IF YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE A

BIG DEAL ABOUT THE CONFLICT, YOU

HAVE TO MAKE A BIG DEAL ABOUT

THE RESOLUTION.

>> WHERE IS DID HE LOSE THIS

ROUND?

>> PRESIDENT OBAMA HAS CAVED.

>> HE ALSO APPEARS PARTISAN

BECAUSE DID HE SCHEDULE THE BIG

SPEECH ON PURPOSE TO TAKE PLACE

ON THE VERY SAME DAY A

REPUBLICAN DEBATE WAS BROADCAST?

>> IT SYMBOLICALLY BECAME A SIGN

OF WEAKNESS.

>> WHERE IS THE PRESIDENT HAS

CAVED.

>> Jon: THE PRESIDENT PUT ON

HIS FOOTY PAJAMAS.

(LAUGHTER)

DIPPED HIS PACIFIER IN BRANDY

AND CURLED UP SMALLER AND

SMALLER UNTIL HE FOUND HIMSELF

NESTLED INSIDE HIS OWN BALLS.

(LAUGHTER)

LIKE A SET OF RUSSIAN TESTICLE

DOLLS.

BUT, ALL RIGHT, FINE.

YOU CAN EXPECT THE CABLE NEWS

BLOW HARDS TO FOCUS ON THE

SIDESHOW.

THAT'S WHY WE HAVE THE WHITE

HOUSE PRESS CORPS, TO GET TO THE

REAL SUBSTANCE.

>> WHERE IS HOW HAS THE

PRESIDENT REACTED TO THE WHOLE

DEBATE YESTERDAY OVER THE ISSUES

OVER THE SCHEDULING OF THE

SPEECH?

>> THERE'S A PERCEPTION EVEN

AMONG DEMOCRATS THAT HE DOESN'T

HAVE ENOUGH CLOUT WITH THE HILL

TO FIGURE OUT WHAT DAY IT IS.

HOW IS HE GOING TO PASS A PLAN

TO HELP THE AMERICAN THEM?

>> IS THERE ANYTHING THE WHITE

HOUSE WOULD HAVE DONE

DIFFERENTLY.

>> HOW CAN THE AMERICAN PEOPLE

EXPECT HE CAN DO SOMETHING MUCH

MORE DIFFICULT?

>> DID THE PRESIDENT GIVE IN OR

CAPITULATE.

>> WHERE IS DOES THIS HAVE TO BE

FIXED.

>> WHERE IS THE PRESIDENT CAN'T

GET SOMETHING OUT OF THIS

CONGRESS.

>> WHERE IS THIS COMMUNICATED...

>> IS THIS THE PLAN ALL ALONG.

>> WHERE IS HE SAID, ALL RIGHT,

FINE, WE'LL DO IT ON THURSDAY.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: THERE WERE 23

QUESTIONS ABOUT THE SCHEDULING

OF THE SPEECH.

NINE ABOUT ITS CONTENT.

SO I'M HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE THAT AT

APPROXIMATELY 11:00 P.M. EASTERN

STANDARD TIME WE'RE READY TO

CALL IT THE INCUMBENT STYLE

THUMPS SUBSTANCE 72% TO 28%.

WALTER MONDALE LAUGHED AT HOW

POORLY SUBSTANCE DID.

I'M SURE

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