Yogurt Gabba Gabba

  • Aired:  05/08/14
  •  | Views: 156,647

The New York Senate has perhaps its best debate ever as it designates yogurt as the official state snack. (6:44)

WELCOME TO THE DAILY SHOWMY NAME IS JON STEWART.

OH, WE HAVE A SHOW FOR YOUTONIGHT.

KATIE COURIC IS GOING TO BEHERE.

VERY EXCITED.

KATIE COURIC, DISCUSSING HER NEWDOCUMENTARY "FED UP," IS GOING

TO BE JOINING US.

BUT, MY FRIENDS, WE ON THIS SHOWDISCUSS POLITICS AND WE HAVE

SOMETIMES BEEN KNOWN TOCRITICIZE, LAMPOON--

( LAUGHTER )TO TAKE-- TO TAKE FUN AND POKE

IT.

( LAUGHTER )WELL, TONIGHT, WE REMOVE OUR

JESTER'S CAP IN RESPECTFULSALUTE TO DEMOCRACY ON PARADE.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOUTHE NEW YORK STATE SENATE.

>> THIS BILL WOULD DESIGNATEYOGURT AS THE OFFICIAL STATE

SNACK OF THE STATE OF NEW YORK.

( LAUGHTER )>> Jon: THAT, MY FRIENDS,

NEW YORK STATE SENATOR MICHAELRANZENHOFER.

AT THE BEHEST OF A LOCAL FOURTHGRADE CLASS ATTEMPTING TO BRING

FORTH INTO LAW AN OFFICIAL HONORFOR NEW YORK'S VAUNTED YOGURT

INDUSTRY, IT'S WHAT'S KNOWN INLEGISLATIVE CIRCLES AS GIMME.

A NO-BRAINER.

THE TYPE OF FEEL-GOOD,PRO-BUSINESS, AND PROBIOTIC--

>> WOULD THE SPONSOR YIELD FOR AFEW QUESTIONS?

>> Jon: WAIT, SPONSORYIELD?

YIELD FOR QUESTIONS?

WHO DARETH RISE?

( LAUGHTER )SENATOR RIVERA, WHAT

QUIBBLE DOTH THOU PROFFER.

>> AS FAR AS A STATE SNACK WHATEXACTLY ARE WE DEFINING AS A

SNACK HERE?

( LAUGHTER ).

>> Jon: TOUCHE.

A PHILOSOPHICAL QUERY.

YOUR ANSWER, SENATORRANZENHOFER.

>> I THINK IT'SSELF-EXPLANATORY.

I MEAN, YOU HAVE BREAKFAST,LUNCH, AND DINNER, AND THEN YOU

HAVE SNACKS.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE ).

>> Jon: I THINK WE'RE DONEHERE.

I BELIEVE THERE ARE NO FURTHERQUESTIONS.

PERHAPS WE CAN MOVE ON TO AVOTE.

>> DID YOU CONSIDER, SAY, THEPOTATO CHIP AS A POTENTIAL STATE

SNACK?

>> NO.

>> DID THE SPONSOR CONSIDERRAISINS AS THE POTENTIAL

OFFICIAL STATE SNACK?

>> NO.

>> DID THE SPONSOR CONSIDER,PERHAPS, PRETZELS AS THE

POTENTIAL STATE-- OFFICIAL STATESNACK?

>> NEVER.

>> Jon: NEVER!

I NEVER DID AND I NEVER SHALL!

FOR THE PRETZEL IS ANABOMINATION.

TO TAKE PERFECTLY GOOD DOUGH, TOTWIST IT, TO BAKE IT WITHIN AN

INCH OF ITS LIFE AND THEN TOSALT IT AS THE ROMANS DID TO

CARTHAGE.

IT IS OUTRAGE.

IT IS AN OUTRAGE.

( LAUGHTER )I DON'T LIKE PRETZELS.

( LAUGHTER )SORRY, SENATOR RIVERA, YOU

WEREN'T FINISHED?

>> WHAT IF, FOR YOU MR.PRESIDENT, THE PRETZEL WAS

DIPPED IN YOGURT? WOULD THATTHEN BE CONSIDERED -- COULD WE

CONSIDER THAT? THAT WOULD BE TWOIN ONE, MR. PRESIDENT?

( LAUGHTER )>> Jon: OH, MY GOD!

THIS GUY IS BATMAN.

( LAUGHTER )WHAT SAY YOU, SENATOR

HASSELHOFF?

>> YOGURT WOULD BE THE STATESNACK.

THE PRETZEL WOULD NOT.

>> Jon: THE PRETZEL, IF SODIPPED, WOULD BE THE STATE SNACK

CONVEYANCE, OR DELIVERY METHOD,FOR WHICH DESIGNATION I REFER TO

THE SUBCOMMITTEE ON SNACKTRANSPORTATION.

I'M TELLING YOU, THIS WAS MAYBETHE BEST 40 MINUTES ANY

LEGISLATIVE CHAMBER ANYWHERE INTHE COUNTRY HAS EVER SPENT.

BUT, OF COURSE, AS ALL GOODTHINGS MUST COME TO AN END, WE

DO HAVE TO MOVE TO A VOTE.

>> THROUGH YOU, THE SPONSORWOULD PLEASE YIELD.

>> Jon: ARE YOU ( BLEEP )KIDDING ME?

ALL RIGHT, SENATOR, SENATORKRUEGER.

>> WOULD WE NEED TO REQUIRE THATTHE STATE SNACK OF NEW YORK BE

YOGURT THAT IS PRODUCED IN THESTATE OF NEW YORK.

( LAUGHTER )>> Jon: DEAR GOD, ANSWER

HER.

>> IS THERE A DEFINITION OF THEKIND OF YOGURT THAT WOULD BE OUR

STATE SNACK?

>> I DON'T BELIEVE THAT THEFOURTH GRADERS WANTED TO

DISCRIMINATE BETWEEN DIFFERENTTYPES OF YOGURT.

( LAUGHTER )I'M GOING TO BE HONEST

WITH YOU GUYS RIGHT HERE.

I'M SURE THE FOURTH GRADERSDIDN'T EVEN WANT TO DO THIS

PROJECT.

I'M SURE THEY WEREN'T EVENINTERESTED.

I'M SURE IT WAS AN ASSIGNMENT.

SOME SORT OF WEIRDINTERPRETATION OF THE COMMON

CORE.

I'M SURE THE KIDS ARE LIKE, "ITWAS MISS ROSSI'S IDEA!

I DON'T KNOW." AND, AS FOR YOU,

KRUEGER I'VE GOT NOPATIENCE FOR THIS NIT-PICKERY.

NOBODY, NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR ANYMORE OF YOUR PETTY COMPLAINTS

ABOUT THE YOGURT BILL.

>> ONE OF MY POSSIBLE CONCERNSWITH SUPPORTING YOGURT AS THE

NEW YORK STATE OFFICIAL SNACK ISTHE ISSUE OF LACTOSE

INTOLERANCE.

( LAUGHTER )>> Jon: ON SECOND THOUGHT,

I YIELD THE FLOOR.

SENATOR HOOTENANNY, WHAT SAYYOU?

>> THERE IS SOY YOGURT, WHICHDOES NOT HAVE THE VERY PRODUCTS

WHICH YOU'RE CONCERNED ABOUT,AND THAT'S WHY, BACK TO YOUR

EARLIER QUESTION, IN TERMS OFDESIGNATING A SPECIFIC TYPE OF

YOGURT, YOGURT IS A VERY GENERICAND ALL-INCLUSIVE TYPE OF

PRODUCT.

>> Jon: HOLY ( BLEEP ).

THIS GUY IS LIKE THE KENJENNINGS OF YOGURT.

HE'S GOT AN INCREDIBLYENCYCLOPEDIC AND FLUID

ARGUMENTATIVE STYLE UNTIL IT ALLCAME CRASHING DOWN.

>> YOU HAVE THE STATE FLOWER.

WE HAVE THE STATE TREE, WHICH ISTHE SUGAR MAPLE.

AND LASTLY, LET ME TALK ABOUTTHE STATE MUFFIN.

THE STATE MUFFIN IS THE APPLEMUFFIN, WHICH WAS NAMED IN 1987.

AND, AGAIN, YOU KNOW, WHENYOU'RE-- WHEN YOU'RE TALKING

ABOUT THE APPLE MUFFIN IT'S NOTTHE FACT THAT THE APPLE MUFFIN

IS BAKED IN SYRACUSE ORTHE APPLE MUFFIN IS BAKED IN NEW

YORK CITY.

( LAUGHING )IT'S THE FACT THAT, IT'S THE

FACT THAT WE HAVETHE APPLE MUFFIN.

( LAUGHTER )>> Jon: YEAH.

YEAH, THE APPLE MUFFIN.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

IT'S GOOD.

IT'S NICE.

YEAH, IT'S NICE.YEAH, THE APPLE-- THE APPLE

MUFFIN IS FUNNY TO YOU? THEAPPLE MUFFIN IS A JOKE? WHAT, IS

THE APPLE MUFFIN A (bleep) CLOWNTO YOU?

IS THAT IT? IS THE APPLE MUFFINHERE TO AMUSE YOU?

WHAT'S SO ( BLEEP ) FUNNY ABOUTTHE NEW YORK STATE APPLE MUFFIN?

SORRY. THAT WAS MY FAVORITEPART OF THE WHOLE DEBATE.

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