Gaywatch - Lesbian Life Cycle Edition

  • Aired:  05/06/14
  •  | Views: 59,595

A look at major milestones in a lesbian's life shows that same-sex couples are not even entitled to the less romantic aspects of marriage. (6:01)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]NOW -- WE ALL KNOW THAT TWO GAY

MEN IN A LOVING COMMITTEDRELATIONSHIP POSES A THREAT TO

OUR AMERICAN WAY OF LIFE.

WE ALWAYS ASSUMED THAT TWO GAYLADIES WERE OKAY WITH US.

BUT WE FIND OUT OTHERWISE INTONIGHT'S SPECIAL EDITION OF GAY

WATCH, LESBIAN LIFECYCLE.

♪ FIRST --

[LAUGHTER]-- WE BEGIN --

[LAUGHTER]I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S A STOCK

PHOTO OR NOT BUT --[LAUGHTER]

FIRST, WE BEGIN WITH ONE OF MOSTIMPORTANT MILESTONES IN A

WOMAN'S LIFE.

YOU MEET SOMEONE, IN THIS CASEANOTHER WOMAN, YOU FALL IN LOVE

AND YOU GET MARRIED AND THEN ANDONLY THEN IF YOU ARE BOTH READY?

>> THE JUDGE RULED THAT TWO SANANTONIO WOMEN MARRIED IN ANOTHER

STATE CAN LEGALLYGET A DIVORCE HERE IN TEXAS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: THEY DID IT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]TRUE DISDAIN REALLY DOES CONQUER

ALL.

CONGRATULATIONS.

THE CASE COULD HAVE RIPPLEEFFECTS BECAUSE THE STATE OF

TEXAS DOES NOT RECOGNIZESAME-SEX MARRIAGE AND IN THIS

CASE IS RECOGNIZING SAME-SEXDIVORCE.

>> Jon: THAT'S RIGHT. THERECOULD BE A SLIPPERY SLOPE THAT

WOULD OPEN THE DOOR TO SAMESEX TRIAL SEPARATIONS, SAME SEX

LABOR DAY BARBEQUES, SAME SEXQUINCEANERAS. SAME SEX

BAR MITZVAHS. IT'SA SLOPERY SLOPE.

I'M JUST WONDERING THOUGH, WHYDO THEY NEED A DIVORCE IF

THE STATE DOESN'T CONSIDERTHEM MARRIED?

>> ALLISON FLOOD LESH HASN'TSEEN 14 MONTH OLD KATELYN

SINCE NOVEMBER SHORTLY AFTER SHEAND

HER WIFE OF THREE YEARS DECIDEDTO SEPARATE.

>> Jon: OH RIGHT, LEGALPROTECTION. SHE NEEDS TO GET

A DIVORCE IN ORDER TO GET THELEGAL RIGHT TO SEE HER KID.

RIGHT, WELL THAT SOUNDSREASONABLE.

>> LESH'S WIFE ASKED THE JUDGETO TOSS THE CASE SINCE GAY

MARRIAGE ISN'T LEGAL INTEXAS BUT LATE TUESDAY

THE JUDGE DENIED THAT REQUEST.

>> Jon: WOW, TAKING ADVANTAGEOF THE STATE'S HOMOPHOBIC

MARRIAGE LAWS JUST TO GET BACKAT YOUR EX.

THAT IS IMPRESSIVE TO SEE ALESBIAN PULLING SUCH A DICK

MOVE. THAT IS --[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

NICE.

NICE.

ON TO THE NEXT STAGE IN THECYCLE OF A LESBIANS LIFE.

RETIREMENT, A JOYFULREFLECTIVE TIME THOUGH LESS SO

WHEN SAID RETIREMENTWAS NOT VOLUNTARY.

SUCH WAS THE CASE FOR LATTASOUTH CAROLINA POLICE CHIEF

CRYSTAL MOORE WHO CLAIMS SHE WASFIRED AFTER 23

YEARS ON THE FORCE BECAUSE OFHER SEXUAL ORIENTATION.

BUT WAS SHE? WAS SHE?

>> SOME RESIDENTS BELIEVETHE MAYOR FIRING CRYSTAL WAS

PAYBACK. CHIEF MOOREINVESTIGATED MAYOR BULLARD'S

MOST RECENT HIRE. CHIEF MOOREFOUND THE MAYOR

NEGLECTED TO CONDUCT ABACKGROUND CHECK ON SELLERS.

>> Jon: AND, IF HE HAD RUN ABECOMEGROUND CHECK THE MAYOR

WOULD HAVE FUND OUT THAT VONTRAYSELLERS HAD CRASHED HIS CAR IN

A DITCH WHILE DRUNK DRIVING.

SO, IT IS POSSIBLE THIS ISN'T ACASE OF HOMOPHOBIA AND JUST SOME

GOOD OLD FASHIONED SMALLTOWN CRONYISM.

>> THE CITY'S NEW MAYOR EARLBULLARD WHO WAS SECRETLY

RECORDED BY A COUNCIL MEMBER.

>> I WOULD MUCH RATHER HAVESOMEBODY WHO DRANK AND DRANK TOO

MUCH TAKING CARE OF MY CHILDTHAN I HAVE SOMEBODY WHOSE

LIFESTYLE IS QUESTION ABLEAROUND CHILDREN.

>> Jon: OKAY HOMOPHOBIA ITWAS. ALRIGHT, I'M SORRY. NO,

HE'S JUST SAYING HIS CHILDCARE HIERARCHY IS THIS.

HIS FIRST CHOICE, HIS EXWIFE,SECOND CHOICE 15-YEAR-OLD DOWN

THE STREET WITH ADD.THEN DRUNK GUY, THEN

ESCAPED MENTAL PATIENT, THENTORONTO CRACK

SMOKING MAYOR ROB FORD AND THENFIGMENT OF HIS IMAGINATION AND

THEN AND ONLY THEN A RESPONSIBLELESBIAN WHO RUNS AN ACCREDITED

AND LICENSED CHILD CAREFACILITY. SIR, JUST OUT OF

CURIOSITY, WHY CAN'T A LESBIANTAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILD?

>> BECAUSE THAT AIN'T THE DAMNWAY IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE.

>> Jon: SAYS IT RIGHT THERE INTHE BIBLE.

GOD SAYth UNTO MOSES, THOUSHALT LEAVE THY SON TO BE

WATCHED BY YE WHO DRUNKENLYABANDONED HIS CAR IN A DITCH.

SO SAYETH THE LORD.

SO, LESBIANS DON'T GET TO TAKEPART IN EVERY DAY LIFE EVEN THE

BAD PARTS LIKE DIVORCE AND WORK.AT LEAST TELL ME THEY

ARE TREATED EQUALLY AT THE ENDOF THE LIFE CYCLE.

>> IN IDAHO, A NAVY VET ISMOURNING THE DEATH OF HER LATE

WIFE BUT MADELEINE TAYLOR ISALSO MOURNING SOMETHING ELSE.

THE STATE RUN VETERANS CEMETERYWHERE TAYLOR HOPES TO BE BURIED

ONE DAY IS REFUSING TO BURY HERWITH HER WIFE'S REMAINS.

>> Jon: YE YOU (bleep).

CONGRATULATIONS IDAHO YOUFIGURED OUT HOW TO SCREW GAY

PEOPLE FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE.

AND A VETERAN NO LESS. LET METELL YOU SOMETHING,

THIS WOMAN BETTER NOT BEADORABLE OR YOU ARE IN TROUBLE.

>> TAYLOR WAS HOPING THEY WOULDAPPROVE IT SINCE THEIR ASHES

WOULD FIT IN ONE SPOT ON THEWALL.

>> IT'S NOT TAKING UP ANY MORESPACE TO HAVE BOTH OF US IN

THERE. I DON'T SEE WHERETHE ASHES OF OF A COUPLE

OF OLD LESBIANS IS GOINGTO HURT ANYBODY.

>> Jon: IDAHO. YOU ARETELLING ME YOU DON'T

WANT TO SEE THAT SWEET OLDLADY, BURNED TO

ASHES AND PLACED IN -- [LAUGHTER]

-- POINT IS JUST LET HER DOWHAT SHE WANTS.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE][CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

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