Post Democalypse 2012 - America Takes a Shower

  • Aired:  11/07/12
  •  | Views: 386,217

All it took for a reelected Barack Obama to get his groove back was the fact that he never has to run for president again. (3:07)

Captioning sponsored by COMEDY CENTRAL

>> Jon: WELCOME TO THE "DAILY SHOW." MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

MAN N-WE HAVE A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

LAST NIGHT EYE DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNEW THIS-- WE HAD AN ELECTION AND TONIGHT ON THIS PROGRAM, THE

WINNER OF THAT ELECTION, THE PRESIDENT OF THE U.S.A., THE UNITED STATES OF ARITHMETIC,

NATE SILVER WILL BE JOINING US ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IT WAS A BIG NIGHT LAST NIGHT.

THE BIG NEWS, OF COURSE, PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA NOT JUST RE-ELECTED BUT SEEMINGLY GIVEN

FRESH BATTERIES.

>> WE REMAIN MORE THAN A COLLECTION OF RED STATES AND BLUE STATES.

RY ARE AND FOREVER WILL BE THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

AND TOGETHER, WITH YOUR HELP, AND GOD'S GRACE, WE WILL CONTINUE OUR JOURNEY FORWARD.

( LAUGHTER ).

>> Jon: SO THAT'S ALL IT TOOK FOR TO YOU GET BACK IN THE GROOVE WAS THE FACT THAT YOU

NEVER HAVE TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT AGAIN?

( LAUGHTER ) THAT'S ALL IT TOOK?

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OF COURSE, ON THE OTHER SIDE, GOVERNOR MITT ROMNEY BROKE THE

BAD NEWS TO HIS SUPPORTERS BEFORE RELUCTANTLY BEING ASKED TO POSE FOR HIS FAMILY'S YEARLY

CHRISTMAS CARD.

( LAUGHTER ).

THAT IS A GOOD-LOOKING BUNCH.

IT'S LIKE THEY-- THE PEOPLE THAT CAME IN THE FRAMES.

ACROSS THE NATION, THE PEOPLE SPOKE, LEGALIZING GAY MARRIAGE IN MAINE AND MARYLAND.

LEGALIZING MARIJUANA IN WASHINGTON STATE, AND COLORADO-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

GAY MARRIAGE... NOTHING.

( LAUGHTER ).

MARIJUANA... BAT ( BLEEP ) CRAZY.

THEY ALSO LEGAL IDES DANCING IN THAT TOWN IN "FOOTLOOSE." I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE LOOKED

THAT UP.

WISCONSIN ELECTED TAMMY BALDWIN THE FIRST OPENLY LESBIAN SENATOR.

SORRY, LINDSAY GRAHAM.

YEAH.

YOU MISSED THE LINDSAY GRAHAM JOKE.

IT WAS A PRETTY GOOD ONE.

( LAUGHTER ).

PERHAPS THE BEST NEWS WAS IN FLORIDA.

AFTER MONTHS OF REPUBLICAN GOVERNOR RICK SCOTT ATTEMPTING TO SUPPRESS DEMOCRATIC VOTER

TURNOUT, AND ATTEMPTING TO DECREASE VOTER DISCOMFORT AND MY FAVORITE INTRODUCING A 10-PAGE

NOVELETTE STATE BALLOT TO PEOPLE WHO COULDN'T HANDLE A ( BLEEP ) ONE-PAGE BALLOT.

FLORIDA REMAINS TOO CLOSE TO CALL.

WHAT IS THE GOOD NEWS, YOU SAY?

THE ELECTION WAS DECIDE WITHOUT THEM.

( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS ) FOR ONCE, FLORIDA'S CLUSTER ( BLEEP ) IS IRRELEVANT.

IT'S LIKE HEARING GOOD NEWS, AMERICA.

THE TUMOR ON YOUR DONG IS BENIGN.

( LAUGHTER ).

IT'S A JOKE

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