John Oliver's Arcane Details of Boron-Group Metals Pricing Update

  • Aired:  07/25/13
  •  | Views: 37,044

Goldman Sachs bets on the future price of aluminum while simultaneously goosing the future price of aluminum. (5:13)

Captioning sponsored by

COMEDY CENTRAL

>> John: WELCOME TO THE "DAILY

SHOW."

I'M JOHN OLIVER.

JON STEWART, JON STEWART, I'M

AFRAID, IS STILL NOT HERE.

WORD IS THAT HE HAS BEEN

KIDNAPPED AND TRAPPED IN A CAVE

IN THE MIDDLE EAST CONSTRUCTING

HIS OWN IRON MAN SUIT.

( LAUGHTER )

OUR GUEST TONIGHT, CURRENTLY

HEAD COACH OF THE EGYPTIAN

NATIONAL SOCCER TEAM, BOB

BRADLEY WILL BE WITH US AND

AMAZING STORIES, AMAZING STORIES

TO TELL.

LET'S START TONIGHT, THOUGH

WNEWS FROM THE GAME MONOPOLY,

WHERE BIG CHANGES ARE AFOOT.

>> THEY'RE TAKING THE JAIL OUT

OF THE MONOPOLY GAME.

>> BOOO!

>> John: YOU HEARD RIGHT.

THE GAME DESIGNED TO TEACH

CHILDREN HOW CAPITALISM WORK HAS

REMOVED THE "GO TO JAIL" OPTION

TO REFLECT THE FINANCIAL SYSTEM

THEY'RE GOING TO GROW UP IN,

PRESUMABLY REPLACING IT WITH A

"GET IDEAL AT BY CONGRESS AND

THEN GO DIRECTLY TO THE CAYMEN

ISLANDS" OPTION.

( LAUGHTER )

( APPLAUSE )

ALSO, ALSO THIS WEEK, WE

ACTUALLY HAVE NEWS FROM THE REAL

FINANCIAL SECTOR.

>> THE BIG STORY THIS QUARTER

HAS BEEN FINANCIAL STOCKS, THE

BANK STOCKS ALL HAD SPECTACULAR

NUMBERS.

HERE'S GOLDMAN SACHS, BY THE

WAY, WHICH HAD AN ABSOLUTELY

TERRIFIC EARNINGS REPORT.

>> PROFITS DOUBLE AT GOLDMAN

SACHS IN THE SECOND QUARTER TO

$1.93 BILLION.

>> John: YES, GOLDMAN SACHS

HAVE BEEN COVERING THEIR

INVESTORS IN GOLDMAN SHOWERS.

AS AN INTERESTING SIDENOTE HERE,

ONE OF THE REASONSES THAT

GOLDMAN IS DOING SO WELL IS ITS

TRADE IN ALUMINUM.

AS OF I WILL INCORRECTLY

PRONOUNCE IT FOR YOUR COMFORT,

ALUMINUM.

FOR YEARS, ALUMINUM HAS HELPED

BUILD OUR AIRPLANES.

IT'S KEPT US FROM SIPPING BEER

OUT OF OUR HANDS.

AND PROVIDED MUCH-NEEDED

HEADGEAR FOR OUR CRAZY PEOPLE.

( LAUGHTER ).

BUT WALL STREET'S DARLING HAS

WORKED OUT THAT THERE IS GOLD IN

THAT THERE ALUMINUM.

>> HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF TIMES

A DAY, THIRSTY AMERICANS OPEN A

CAN OF SODA, BEER, OR JEES

EXPEMP TIME THEY DO IT, THEY PAY

A FRACTION OF A PENNY MORE

BECAUSEAVE SHREWD MANEUVER BY

GOLDMAN SACHS.

>> THE "NEW YORK TIMES"

REPORTING OVER THE WEEKEND THAT

GOLDMAN SACHS IS RUNNING A

SCHEME TO ARTIFICIALLY INFLATE

ALUMINUM PRICES.

>> John: THAT SCHEME-- TO

MARRY AN ELDERLY ALUMINUM

HEIRESS AND MURDER HER FOR HER

MONEY.

SO GOLDMAN SACHS IS RUNNING THE

CLASSIC REYNOLD WRAP GRIST ON

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE, WHICH MEANS

IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER

INSTALLMENT OF JOHN OLIVER'S

DETAILS OF FOREIGN METAL PRICING

UPDATE.

WAIT, WAIT!

DON'T CHANGE THE CHANNEL!

I PROMISE THIS STORY IS WORTH

LISTENING TO.

MAYBE WE CAN JUST JUICE UP THE

OPENING A BIT.

♪ ♪ ♪

>> JOHN OLIVER'S ARCANE DETAILS

OF BORON GROUP METAL PRICING

UPDATE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> John: HEAVY METAL WHAT, IS

TECHNICALLY CLASSED AS LIGHT

METAL.

AHHH!

NO, SAX HAS TWO-- GOLDMAN SACHS

HAS TWO SEPARATE VENTURES IN

ALUMINUM.

HAD OANS WAREHOUSE WHERE

ALUMINUM IS STORED AND ALSO

TRADES ALUMINUM.

SEE IF YOU CAN FIGURE OUT WHAT

HAPPENS NEXT.

>> THE REPORT CLAIMS GOLDMAN'S

WAREHOUSE CREATES BOTTLENECKS,

LENGTHENING DELIVERY TIMES.

THE BANK PROFIT FROM EXTENDED

RENT AND BETS MADE ON THE FUTURE

OF THOSE METALS BY THEIR TRADING

ARM.

>> John: SO LET'S GET THIS

CLEAR-- IF THESE REPORTS ARE

RIGHT, GOLDMAN CAN BET ON THE

FUTURE PRICE OF ALUMINUM WHILE

SIMULTANEOUSLY HAVING THE

ABILITY TO GOOSE THE FUTURE

PRICE OF ALUMINUM IF THAT'S

SOMETHING THEY FIND INTERESTING

AND/OR PROFITABLE.

( LAUGHTER )

IN THE STOCK MARKET, THAT'S

WHAT'S KNOWN AS INSIDER TRADING.

IN THE COMMODITIES MARKET,

THAT'S KNOWN AS SIMPLY THURSDAY.

OR MONDAY OR TUESDAY, FRIDAY, OR

WEDNESDAY.

( LAUGHTER )

SO HOW MUCH IS THIS SCHEME

COSTING THE AMERICAN CITIZEN?

>> THE BEER INSTITUTE ESTIMATING

THE HIGHER PREMIUMS CAUSED BY

THE BOTTLENECKS COST THEM AN

ADDITIONAL $3.6 BILLION EACH

YEAR.

>> John: WAIT, FIRST THINGS

FIRST-- THERE'S A BEER

INSTITUTE?

( LAUGHTER )

( APPLAUSE )

>> John: THAT'S A PARTY STORE

RIGHT THERE.

I ASSUME THEIR MASCOT IS THE

FIGHTING BLAAH.

SO GOLDMAN SACHS IS MAKING US

PAY BILLIONS MORE FOR ALUMINUM

CANS AND PROFITING OFF THE BACK

OF THAT, THAT MAKES HE SO MAD.

I THINK I NEED A COLD DRINK.

OH, I'M PLAYING INTO THEIR TRAP!

EVERY TIME I USE A CAN, I MAKE

THEM MONEY.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'VE GOT TO CALL MY ACCOUNTANT.

HELLO, BEAR?

OH, NO!

DI

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