Barack Obama Is Luke Skywalker

  • Aired:  01/03/11
  •  | Views: 234,172

The Democrats defeat the Republican empire with stones, vines and a well-placed log to gain legislative victories. (5:48)

TO SAY TO YOU [WHINNIES]

WE'VE BEEN AWAY TWO WEEKS TIMING

THE BREAK WITH THE HOLIDAY NEWS

LULL.

WE WON'T BLOW OUT OF TOWN WHEN

IMPORTANT (bleep) IS GOING

DOWN.

WE'RE NOT THE GOVERNOR OF NEW

JERSEY.

OH, YEAH, I'M WRONG.

WHERE DID WE LEAVE?

WE WERE RIDICULING THE

DEMOCRATS.

WE WERE NOT ALONE.

>> THE OBAMA AGENDA IS DEAD.

>> 65 SEATS TURNED OVER IN THE

HOUSE HAS PUT A NAIL IN THE

PRESIDENT'S COFFIN.

>> OBAMA IS IN TROUBLE.

>> THERE'S NO HOPE FOR OBAMA.

>> INCAPABLE OF ACCOMPLISHING

ANYTHING OF ANY SIGNIFICANT

SUCCESS, THE PRESIDENT'S AGENDA

IS DEAD.

>> AHHH.

NO-BAMA.

THE AUDACITY OF DOPE.

DREAMS FROM MY ASS.

[LAUGHTER]

>> YOU ARE NOT GOING TO MOCK

THAT ONE UP?

YOU ARE NOT GOING TO -- OF

COURSE, THEN I WENT AWAY TO MY

WINTER HOME ON THREE WEEKS

BEHIND ISLAND ON THE -- COULD

HAVE THE COAT OF PUERTO FAKE-O.

I THOUGHT I WOULD LOOK ON AIR TO

MAKE IT MORE OF A SPECTACLE.

>> TAX SHIELD TO PROTECT THE

UNEMPLOYED.

>> THE 9/11 FIRST RESPONDERS

BILL.

>> THE REPEAL OF DON'T ASK,

DON'T TELL.

>> THE OVERHAUL OF FOOD SAFETY

LAWS.

>> ALONG WITH THE NUCLEAR

WEAPONS TREATY WITH RUSSIA.

>> DID QUITE WELL.

>> Jon: HOLY CRAP-O DEMOCRATS

YOU NEED TO LOSE MID TERM

ELECTIONS MORE OFTEN.

IT SUITS YOU.

IF YOU COMPLETELY LOSE THE

SENATE WE COULD SOLVE THE

IMMIGRATION PROBLEM.

[LAUGHTER]

THE PRONUNCIATIONS OF A

ADMINISTRATION'S DEMISE FOLLOWED

BY A MULTITUDE OF POLITICAL

VICTORIES THE SCANDALS MUST

BE -- THIS CAN MEAN ONLY ONE

THING TO THE

COIN-PHRASE-O-METER.

>> PRESIDENT IS THE COMEBACK

KID.

>> IS HE THE COMEBACK KID?

>> HE IS THE COMEBACK KID.

>> COMEBACK KID.

>> Jon: YOU WERE THE ONLY ONES

WHO SAID HE WAS DEAD.

THE MEDIA IS THE WORLD'S WORST

PARAMEDIC.

THEY DECLARE PEOPLE DEAD WHEN

THEY ARE NAPPING SO, OF COURSE,

WAKING UP MUST BE A MIRACLE.

OBAMA IS NOT THE COMEBACK KID.

IT'S JUST A RIGHT TO WAY OF --

TRITE WAY OF LOOKING AT IT.

HE'S LUKE SKYWALKER.

COME WHDH ME TO THE PREMISE

MOBILE.

IT STARTED A LONG TIME WHEN A

SKINNY KID WITH A FUNNY NAME

CAME OUT OF NOWHERE AND AGAINST

ALL ODDS.

>> BARACK OBAMA CANNOT CLOSE THE

DEAL.

>> IT'S NOT IMPOSSIBLE.

>> Jon: HE DEIFIED OUTRAGEOUS

ODDS TO -- DEIFIED OUTRAGEOUS

ODDS TO WIN THE ELECTION.

HE WON THE ELECTION AND THE

HEARS OF THE PEOPLE.

♪ ♪

-- HEARTS OF THE PEOPLE.

[LAUGHTER]

♪ ♪

OH (bleep) BIDEN IS THERE ANY

MOMENT YOU CAN'T RUIN?

[LAUGHTER]

THE PRESIDENT TAKES POWER,

ENJOYS THE TRAPPINGS OF OFFICE,

INVITE HIS FAVORITE MUSICIANS

OVER TO ENTERTAINMENT HIM.

STEVIE WONDER HAS NO IDEA HOW

WEIRD HIS BAND LOOKS.

[LAUGHTER]

MEANWHILE, THE REPUBLIC-KIN

EMPIRE GROWS STRONGER.

NOW WE'RE GOING TO THE SECOND

MOVIE WHICH IS REALLY MOVIE

FIVE.

THE PRESIDENT FINDS HIS EFFORTS

TO CLOSE GUANTANAMO BAY STIFLED.

THE UNEMPLOYMENT RATE IS

STAGNANT P. EFFORTS TO SHUT DOWN

AN OIL SPILL ARE BUNGLED WHILE A

FIERCE POTENTIAL RIVAL STALKS

HIM FROM ALASKA.

[LAUGHTER]

BY THE WAY THAT'S --

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

-- THAT'S FROM THE REALITY SHOW.

I BELIEVE THAT IS FROM THE

REALITY SHOW SARAH PALIN'S SHE

CLAIMS SHE CAN SEE TATUINE FROM

HER HOUSE.

NERD SLAM!

BOOM!

I'M SLOWLY LOSING AUDIENCE

SHARE.

[LAUGHTER]

IT ALL CULMINATES IN A CRUSHING

MID TERM ELECTION DEFEAT AND

MAKING OUT WITH HIS OWN SISTER

CAN'T EASE THE PAIN.

IT'S NOT A PERFECT ANALOGY.

SO --

[LAUGHTER]

TO COMPLETE THE THE TRILOGY,

BARACK OBAMA HEADS OFF TO WORK

OUT A COMPROMISE AFTER

REPUBLICANS DECLARE THEY'LL DO

NOTHING UNLESS TAX CUTS ARE

EXTENDED.

CALM DOWN CHRIS MATTHEWS HE IS

TRYING TO BE BIPARTISAN.

AGAINST ALL ODDS THE DEMOCRATS

MANAGE TO DEFEAT AN INCREDIBLY

WELL ARMED AND WELL OILED

MACHINES USING STONE, BIND AND A

WELL PLACED LOG.

THEY GAINED SIGNIFICANT

LEGISLATIVE VICTORIES.

♪ ♪

CLEARLY, I BELIEVE, THAT WAS

THEM CELEBRATING AFTER DON'T

ASK, DON'T TELL WAS REPEALED.

[LAUGHTER]

AND SO -- AND SO OUR HEROS RIDE

OFF INTO THE SUNSET.

NOTHING ELSE IN THE WAY.

>> WHILE THE OBAMA'S VACATIONED

IN HAWAII THE STATE'S GOVERNOR

IS DIVING INTO THE CONTROVERSY

OVER WHERE THE PRESIDENT WAS

BORN.

>> Jon: PREQUEL, DAMMIT.

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