RNC 2012 - The Road to Jeb Bush 2016

  • Aired:  08/28/12
  •  | Views: 34,719

The Best F#@king News Team Ever reports from the once bustling metropolis of Tampa, FL, a throbbing den of moral depravity and site of the 2012 Republican National Convention. (5:42)

( THEME SONG PLAYING )

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.

WELCOME TO THE DAILY SHOW.

WE ARE COMING TO YOU LIVE FROM

THE STRAZ CENTER OF THE

PERFORMING ARTS IN FAMILIAR BA

FLORIDA.

MY NAME IS JON STEWART, THANK

YOU VERY MUCH.

I AM I AM NOT GOING TO WASTE ANY

OF YOUR TIME.

WE WILL GET DOWN TO COVERAGE OF

THE REPUBLICAN NATIONAL

CONVENTION AND START WITH OLIVER

IN THE GRANT PARK AREA OF TAMPA.

>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

>> JON, TROPICAL STORM ISAAC HAS

PASSED, RETURNING THIS CITY BACK

TO ITS NORMAL ATMOSPHERIC

CONDITIONS.

>> SOMEWHERE BETWEEN FRIARS CLUB

STEAM ROOM AND A SUBWAY PLATFORM

IN HAITI.

>> IT IS.

>> Jon: IT IS A BIT MUGGY.

>> A BIT MUGGY, JON? THE AMAZON

IS A BIT MUGGY.

THIS IS THE LAND THAT TIME

FORGOT.

>> Jon: YES.

>> THIS IS THE REPUBLICAN

NATIONAL CONVENTION IN TAMPA,

FLORIDA AT THE END OF AUGUST.

THERE IS NO PLACE THAT YOU WOULD

RATHER BE.

PARTICULARLY IF YOU ARE AN

INSECT FROM AN INDIANA JONES

FILM OR A STRUGGLING STRAND OF

STREPTOCOCCUS.

>> Jon: WHY DO YOU THINK THE

REPUBLICANS WOULD CHOOSE TO HAVE

THEIR CONVENTION HERE IN TAMPA

AT THE END OF AUGUST?

>> THAT IS EASY, BECAUSE TAMPA

IS A PERFECT SYMBOL OF WHAT

OBAMA HAS DONE TO AMERICA.

IN JUST THREE AND A HALF YEARS,

THIS ONCE BUSTLING METROPOLIS IS

NOW A WIND AND RAIN SOAKED

FORECLOSED SHELL OF ITSELF.

ITS DENIZENS BARRICADING

THEMSELVES IN THEIR HOME, THE

DESPERATELY TRYING TO PROTECT

WHATEVER RAT-URINE-SOAKED METH

EQUIPMENT THEY STILL OWN.

>> Jon: NOW, JOHN, THAT IS A

BIT HYPERBOLIC, NOT EVERY SINGLE

PERSON WHO LIVES IN TAMPA

MANUFACTURES AND DISTRIBUTES

METHAMPHETAMINE.

>> OBVIOUSLY NOT, JON.

SOME OF THEM HAVE TO BUY IT.

IT'S NOT A PONZI SCHEME.

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT.

WE ARE GOING TO GO OUT TO

JESSICA WILLIAMS.

JESSICA HAS BEEN KEEPING AN EYE

ON THE STORM TRACK FOR HURRICANE

ISAAC SCHEDULED TO MAKE LANDFALL

IN NEW ORLEANS.

JESSICA.

>> BARACK OBAMA DOESN'T CARE

ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE.

>> Jon: WAIT, WHAT? I'M

SORRY.

SAY THAT AGAIN.

>> I'M SORRY.

I KNOW, I WAS JUST SUPPOSED TO

BE DOING THE WEATHER BUT, JON,

THIS IS OBAMA'S AMERICA.

STORM, DROUGHT, AND ALL BECAUSE

HE HAS DONE NOTHING TO STEM THIS

EXPLOSION OF GAY MARRIAGE.

>> Jon: OH.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY

CLIMATE CHANGE.

>> WHAT NOW? JON, I AM GLAD THE

REPUBLICANS ARE HERE IN FAMILIAR

PARKS IT HIGHLIGHTS THE FACT

THAT NO HURRICANE WOULD HAVE

DARED TO BARREL DOWN ON NEW

ORLEANS UNDER REPUBLICAN'S

WATCH.

>> Jon: WANT KATRINA.

>>

>> BUSH INHERITED THAT FROM

CLINTON.

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT.

THANK YOU, JESSICA.

LET'S GO OUT TO JASON JONES.

JASON JONES.

YES, JASON.

JASON.

>> YES.

>> JON, I AM HERE IN TAMPA'S

FAMOUS STRIP CLUB DRINK.

OR AS THEY CALL IT HERE, TAMPA.

AND THANKS TO THE ANYTHING GOES

LIBERALISM OF THE OBAMA

ADMINISTRATION THIS WHOLE TOWN

HAS BECOME A THROBBING DEN OF

MORAL DEPRAVITY.

UGH.

WHERE ONCE CHURCHES AND MOM AND

POP PIE STORES, NOW YOU HAVE GOT

A VERY DIFFERENT TYPE OF STORE.

SHRINKING A DIFFERENT TYPE OF

PIE.

>> JUST LOOK AT THESE BARE

ASSETS, BOTTOMS UP, FOXY'S,

MONLS VENUS, TEASERS, MISS

BEHAVIN', THE VAGINA FARM, LADY

--

>> Jon: THERE ARE A LOT OF

STRIP CLUBS BUT YOU THINK THAT

IS ALL OBAMA'S FAULT?

>> OH, OH, BLAME IT ON BUSH.

>> Jon: NO, I AM NOT BLAMING

IT ON BUSH.

I AM JUST SAYING --

>> SORRY, SORRY, JON, BLAME IT

ON BUSH IS JUST ANOTHER STRIP

CLUB.

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

>> JON AS YOU KNOW IT IS ALL

OBAMA'S FAULT.

>> Jon: SO EVERYTHING IN

TAMPA, THE WEATHER, THE STRIP

CLUB, ECONOMIC HARD SHIM.

>> YES, YES.

THE FAKE PIRATE MARDI GRAS, ALL

OBAMA'S FAULT.

>> Jon: I FIND THIS VERY HARD

TO BELIEVE.

I FIND IT VERY HARD TO BELIEVE.

>> PERHAPS THIS WILL CHANGE YOUR

MIND.

>> Jon: SAMANTHA --

>> IN MIDAIR, JON.

>> Jon: OH, MY GOD! HOECALLY

CLAP, WHAT HAPPENED?

>> WELL, JON, I WAS COMING OUT

OF A WAFFLE HOUSE, APPARENTLY

THE SCENT OF STIRRUP AND

CIGARETTE ASH PROVED

IRRESISTIBLE TO THIS, THE LOCALS

HAVE ASSURED ME IS A JUVENILE

PALMETTO BUG.

>> THAT IS NOT AN ADULT PALMETTO

BUG?

>> NO, NO, BUT IT WILL BE SOON.

THERE IS A CERTAIN SOCIALIST

TREE HUGGER PRESIDENT THAT

BANNED DDT.

>> Jon: I TELL YOU, I THINK

NIXON BANNED DDT.

>> WELL, IT WAS SOME DEMOCRAT, I

DON'T KNOW.

>> Jon: WELL, GOOD LUCK,

SAMANTHA.

>> DON'T WISH ME LUCK, I AM THE

ONE GETTING FLOWN OUT OF THIS

S *IT HOLE.

WAIT, HE'S TAKING ME TO ST.

PETE'S!.

NO!

>> Jon: THANKS GUYS, WE WILL

CHECK BACK IN WITH EVERYBODY

LATER.

SO TONIGHT -- SORRY.

IT WAS -- ONE OF THOSE THINGS

WASN'T REAL A

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