You Magnificent Bastards - Down-Ballot Notables

  • Aired:  10/11/12
  •  | Views: 31,030

Down-ticket congressional races are dominated by talk of bar fights, the science of creationism, and the unintended benefits of slavery. (5:33)

MORE ABOUT HOW (bleep) MISSOURI S. AMERICANS DON'T VOTE BASED ON SILLY SIDE ISSUES LIKE WHETHER YOU HAVE AN EIGHTH GRADE

LEVEL GRASP OF FEMALE PRODUCTIVE SYSTEM.

NO WHAT MATTERS IS HOW MUCH YOU OUT AMERICA.

>> FEBRUARY 16, 2003.

LIEUTENANT COLONEL ALLEN WEST PREPARE HIS KNOWN GO TO WAR.

THAT NIGHT SOUTH BEACH MIAMI.

PATRICK MURPHY IS THROWN OUT OF A CLUB FOR FIGHTING, COVERED IN ALCOHOL UNABLE TO STAND.

TWO MEN A COUNTRY IN CRISIS YOU DECIDE.

>> Jon: THE CHOICE IS SO HARD.

LET'S SEE ONE IS AN UNCONTROLLABLE LUNATIC AND THE OTHER GOT THROWN OUT OF A BAR ONCE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THE REPUBLICANS DON'T HAVE A MONOPOLY ON MILITARY VETERANS.

DEMOCRAT TAMI DUCKWORTH WHO LOST HER LEGS IN IRAQ IS RUNNING AGAINST JOE WALSH.

HAS TO TOUGH AGAINST RUNNING AGAINST SOMEONE WHO SACRIFICED SO MUCH FOR THE COUNTRY.

>> I BELIEVE SHE TALKS ABOUT HER SERVICE TOO MUCH.

I'M RUNNING AGAINST A WOMAN MY GOD THAT'S ALL SHE TALKS ABOUT.

OUR TRUE HEROS, THE MEN AND WOMEN WHO SERVED US IT'S THE LAST THING IN THE WORLD THEY TALK ABOUT.

>> Jon: IF YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR SERVICE YOU ARE NOT A TRUE HERO.

I HAVE SOMEONE YOU SHOULD TALK.

>> Tom: LIEUTENANT COLONEL ALLEN WEST JUST RECEIVED DEPLOYMENT ORDERS AND PREPARES HIS KNOWN GO TO WAR.

>> Jon: CAN I BE THERE WHEN YOU TELL HIM HE IS NOT A REAL HERO.

I DON'T THINK HE'S GOING TO TAKE THAT SO WELL.

HE CAUGHT A LOT OF FLACK FOR THAT REMARK.

HE SEEMS TO HAVE LEARNED THE LESSON.

HE TAKES CHEAP PETTY SHOTS ON THE SERVICE WHEN THERE'S SO MANY SHOTS YOU CAN TAKE.

>> TAMI WAS ON A STAGE IN CHARLOTTE.

IF YOU CAN LOOK AT THE PICTURE PICKING OUT A DRESS FOR YOUR SPEECH TUESDAY NIGHT.

THAT'S WHAT I WAS DOING.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Jon: WHAT DOES THAT DO TO A PICTURE OF HER PICKING OUT A DRESS FOR HER CONVENTION SPEECH?

[ LAUGHTER ]

HERE IS ANOTHER ONE.

LOOK.

THIS WILL IS HER COMING OUT OF THE SHOWER IN A ROBE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WHAT IS SHE DOING IN A ROBE?

MOVING OUT OF HER SHOWER.

WHAT?

LOOK AT IT.

I'M NOT THE CRAZY ONE.

YOU'RE THE CRAZY ONE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

OF COURSE, NOT ALL THE PARAGONS ARE LOCKED IN BATTLES.

SOME LIKE GEORGIA CONGRESSMAN PAUL BROWN ARE RUNNING UNOPPOSED.

WE'LL CHECK IN.

>> ALL THAT STUFF TALKING ABOUT EVOLUTION, ALL THAT IS LIES SCRAIPPED.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS SERGE 9,000 YEARS OLD.

I BELIEVE IT'S CREATED IN SIX DAYS AS WE KNOW THEM.

THAT'S WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Jon: FIRST OF ALL, WHO GIVES A SPEECH IN DEER HELL?

[ LAUGHTER ]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I'M NEITHER A HUNTER OR AN INTERIOR DECORATOR BUT SURELY THERE'S A HAPPY MEDIUM TO BE HAD HERE.

PERHAPS YOU COULD GET TO STAND IN FRONT OF SOME OF THE DEER YOU'VE KILLED AND YET WE STILL GET TO SEE SOME WALL.

AT SOME POINT IT STOPS BEING HUNTER'S PRIDE AND JUST LOOKS LIKE ETHNIC CLEANSING.

WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AT WAR WITH THE DEER.

[ LAUGHTER ]

ROUND THEM UP AND SEND THEM TO DEER COW.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SECOND OF ALL THE GUY WHO SAID THE EARTH IS 9,000 YEARS OLD AND IS CREATED IN SIX LITERAL DAYS IS RUNNING UNOPPOSED AND SITS ON

THE HOUSE COMMITTEE ON SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

DON'T WORRY I'M SURE THERE'S OTHER PEOPLE ON THE COMMITTEE WHO BALANCE HIS VIEWPOINT OUT.

LET'S MEET ONE.

>> IF IT'S A LEGITIMATE RAPE, THE FEMALE BODY HAS WAYS TO TRY TO SHUT THAT WHOLE THING DOWN.

>> Jon: MAGIC VAGINA GUY?

ARE YOU SURE THIS ISN'T A HOUSE COMMITTEE AGAINST SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY?

YOU MIGHT WONDER YOURSELF HOW DL THOSE (bleep) CRAZY PEOPLE MAKE IT TO THE NATIONAL STAGE?

EASY.

THEY DO IT BY LESS CRAZY THAN THE GUYS ON THE STATE LEVEL.

>> ARKANSAS STATE REPRESENTATIVE JOHN HUBBARD SAYS SLAVERY WAS A BLESSING IN DISGUISE.

IT'S IN HIS SELF PUB LISHED BOOK.

HE SAID HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR SLAVEY BLACK PEOPLE WOULD HAVE REMAINED IN AFRICA AND ENJOYED THE -- NOT ENJOYED THE

ADVANTAGES OF LIVING IN AMERICA.

>> REALLY CAN'T BELIEVE THAT WAS SELF PUBLISHED.

CAN'T BELIEVE SIMON AND SCHIEWT SCHUSTER DIDN'T GRAB THAT GUY.

IN THE STATE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES THEY THINK THE MINI SERIES "ROOTS" SHOULD HAVE BEEN CALLED "THAN

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