Wrong-Off

  • Aired:  07/22/14
  •  | Views: 114,467

After John McCain criticizes the integrity of a certain late-night comic, Jon challenges McCain to a competition with a unique consequence for the loser. (4:54)

>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILYSHOW."

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

WE HAVE A VERY NICE SHOW.

TONIGHT'S GUEST, LISTEN TO ME,MEN, RICHARD LINKLATER.

HE'S THE DIRECTOR OF THIS MOVIE"BOYHOOD," WHICH IF YOU HAVE NOT

SEEN IT YET, TURN OFF THE TV.

[LAUGHTER]LEAVE THE HOUSE AND GO SEE IT.

IT IS WONDERFUL.

BUT FIRST, AS YOU KNOW, THISWORLD IS A PERILOUS PLACE.

RECENT EVENTS BEG REAL ANSWERSFROM OUR NATION'S LEADERS FOR A

CONCERNED PUBLIC.

YES, FROM IMMIGRATION TO ROGUENATIONS TO CONFLAGRATIONS, THIS

PAST SUNDAY OUR NATION'S LEADINGJOURNALISTIC LIGHTS SAW ANSWERS

TO THE DAY'S MOST PRESSINGQUESTIONS.

>> YOU'VE BEEN ON "THE DAILYSHOW."

IS JON STEWART FAIR TOREPUBLICANS?

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: I BELIEVE I CAN FIELD

THIS ONE.

JON STEWART OF THE "JON STEWART"TIMES-PICAYUNE", IS JON STEWART

FAIR TO REPUBLICANS?

DOES THE POPE [BLEEPED] IN THEWOODS?

[LAUGHTER]BECAUSE IF NOT, NOT ONLY AM I

NOT FAIR TO REPUBLICANS, I THINKA BEAR WEARING A HAT GAVE ME

COMMUNION.

BUT OBVIOUSLY IT IS -- WOW.

THAT'S INTERESTING.[LAUGHTER]

I'M NOT, I'M NOT GOING TO MAKETHAT OTHER JOKE THAT I WAS JUST

ABOUT TO MAKE.

[LAUGHTER]BUT, IT WAS ABOUT ONE OF US NOT

USING THEIR TEETH.

OBVIOUSLY IT'S A QUESTION WE'REALL WAITING FOR, SENATOR.

>> NO, BUT HE, YOU KNOW, ITDOESN'T MATTER REALLY.

[AUDIENCE REACTS].

>> Jon: SON OF A BITCH.

YOU LIED TO ME, BOOK!

YOU LIED TO ME.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]LIED TO ME.

NEXT THING McCAIN WILL TELL MEIS I DON'T EVEN POOP.

[LAUGHTER]WHY, SENATOR, WHY?

WHY DON'T I MATTER?

>> WHEN HE SAYS THINGS, WHICHHE'S ENTITLED TO, AFTER ALL,

HE'S A LATE-NIGHT COMIC, THATARE ABSOLUTELY WRONG, HE GETS

AWAY WITH WITH IT.

[AUDIENCE REACTS].

>> Jon: NO, HE'S RIGHT, THOSELATE-NIGHT COMICS DO GET AWAY

WITH MISTAKE AFTER MISTAKE.

SOME WITH CATASTROPHICCONSEQUENCE.

AND YET SOMEHOW THE VIEWERSCONTINUE TO ELECT, TO WATCH.

LOOK, I'LL GIVE YOU THIS,McCAIN, I'VE BEEN WRONG, I'VE

DONE SOME BAD THINGS,PROUNOUNCED SANGUINE

"SANG-GUINE", HELPEDHUGH GRANT PROMOTE "DID YOU HEAR

ABOUT THE MORGANS?"BUT I WOULD BE WILLING TO BET,

McCAIN, THAT IF WE WENTWRONGO Y WRONGO, YOU'D COME OUT

ON BOTTOM.

MY 16 YEARS ON THIS SHOW UPAGAINST YOUR 132 YEARS OF SENATE

SERVICE.

[LAUGHTER]WHAT'S THAT?

OH, REALLY, I'M WRONG.

OKAY.

POINT McCAIN.

[LAUGHTER]SO WHAT DO YOU SAY, SENATOR?

CARE TO PUT YOUR MONEY WHEREYOUR FORCED SMILE THROUGH

JAW-CLENCHING ANGER IS?

MY RECORD OF ABSOLUTE WRONGNESSAGAINST YOUR RECORD OF ABSOLUTE

WRONGNESS FOR A GOODOLD-FASHIONED WRONG OFF.

[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING][CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

COME ON!

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU COME ONTHE PROGRAM LOADED DOWN WITH

YOUR JON STEWART WAS ABSOLUTELYWRONG FILE, AND I'LL SEE IF I

CAN PERHAPS DIG UP ONE OR TWOTHINGS YOU'VE BEEN MISTAKEN

ABOUT.

[TRUCK BACKING UP BEEPING]NO, NO DON'T UNLOAD THE TRUCK

YET, BOYS, WAIT TIL HE GETSHERE.

SO HOW ABOUT IT, McCAIN, YOUAND ME, WRONG TO WRONG,

NO-HOLDS-BARRED, AND THE LOSERHAS TO SIT THROUGH 24 STRAIGHT

HOURS WATCHING THE PERSON HE'SBEST KNOWN FOR UNLEASHING ON THE

WORLD.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]I'M ALMOST WISHING I WOULD LOSE.

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