Indecision 2012 - President Evil

  • Aired:  02/22/12
  •  | Views: 207,741

Republicans claim that the 2012 election is all that stands between America and catastrophe -- same as they claimed in 2008. (4:44)

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COMEDY CENTRAL

>> Jon: WELCOME TO THE "DAILY

SHOW."

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

MY GUEST TONIGHT, MILD-MANNERED

ECONOMIST BRUCE BARTLETT.

YOU KNOW HIM AS THE INCREDIBLE

HULK.

BRUCE BANNER.

I APOLOGIZE.

NOW DIONNE WARWICK IS

VERYANGARY.

FOLKS, TONIGHT IN ARIZONA AS WE

SPEAK, BEFORE REMAINING

REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL

CANDIDATES MET IN THE PEN

PENULTIMATE DEBATE OF THIS

ELECTION SEASON, TONIGHT, TWO OF

THEM WERE CARD OFF BY BANDITOS

ND ONE WAS SWALLOWED BY AOSA

SNAKE.

I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE.

( APPLAUSE )

ACTUALLY WE DO.

I BELIEVE THAT'S CLEARLY NEWT

GINGRICH'S HEAD.

ACTUALLY, I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S

WHAT HAPPENED AT THE DEBATE WE

TAPED BEFORE THE DEBATE.

BUT I DO KNOW THIS-- NOTE MATTER

WHAT ISSUES THEY DISCUSSED,

WHETHER SATAN'S INFLUENCE ON THE

DECARE OF OUR CULTURE, OR HOW

SATAN RECENTLY JACKED THE PRICE

OF GAS UP, OR HOW SATAN DECIDED

THIS WOULD BE THE LAST SEASON OF

"CHUCK."

I ASSUMA THAT WAS SATAN BECAUSE

WHO ELSE WOULD CANCEL "CHUCK."

THIS ELECTION OF 2012 IS ALL

THAT STANDS BETWEEN AMERICA

ANDICAA TAFT FEE, JUST AS WE

WERE WARNED, THE CONSEQUENCES IN

2008 COULD BE DIRE.

>> IF MR. OBAMA SHOULD BECOME

PRESIDENTISH REALLY BELIEVE IT

WILL BE HARD TO STOP THE ECONOMY

FROM BEING SOCIALIZED.

>>SOCIALIZED.

>> Jon: SOCIALIZED ECONOMY!

IF OBAMA WAS ELECTED IN 2008.

WE WERE WARNED.

AND, INDEED, BARACK OBAMA DID

TAKE BILLIONS OF TAXPAYER

DOLLARS AND REDISTRIBUTE THEM...

TO THE BANKS.

( LAUGHTER )

SO IT'S KIND OF SOCIALISM, IN A

DYSLEXIC...

( LAUGHTER )

AND WHAT OF OUR ENEMIES ABROAD?

>> I WILL TELL YOU IF HE IS

ELECTED PRESIDENT, THEN THE

RADICAL ISLAMISTS, THE AL QAEDA

AND THE RADICAL ISLAMISTS AND

THEIR SUPPORTERS, WILL BE

DANCING IN THE STREETS.

>> Jon: TALK ABOUT-- TALK

ABOUT HITTING THE NAIL ON THE

HEAD.

IF YOU WERE TO REPLACE THE WORD

"DANCING" WITH THE PHRASE,

"DONNELLING UNMANNED DRONE

MISSILES RAINING HELL FIRE FROM

THE SKY."

SO TWO FOR TWO.

( APPLAUSE )

AND BY THE WAY, IN 2008, THERE

WOULD HAVE BEEN NOTHING...

( LAUGHTER )

ALLAH WE DID WAS ADD A

( BLEEP ).

IN 2008, THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN

NOTHING YOU COULD DO TO DEFEND

YOURSELF AGAINST THE SOCIALIST

ISLAMIST TAKEOVER BECAUSE THE

DICTATOR HAD THOUGHT THINGS

THROUGH.

>> IF EITHER SENATOR CLINTON OR

SENATOR OBAMA IS ELECTED

PRESIDENT, THE RIGHTS OF

LAW-ABIDING GUN OWNERS WILL BE

AT RISK, MY FRIENDS, AND HAVE NO

DOUBT ABOUT IT.

>> Jon: NO DOUBT ABOUT IT!

( LAUGHTER )

AND WHILE THE ONLY SECOND

AMENDMENT MEASURES OBAMA ENDED

UP SIGNING ALLOWED CITIZENS TO

CARRY CONCEALED WEAPONS INTO

NATIONAL PARKS AND ON TO AMTRAK

TRAINS, WHICH MAKES SENSE--

( LAUGHTER )

BECAUSE WHO BETTER TO BE ARMED

THAN ANGRY LATE PEOPLE IN

CONFINED SPACES?

THE POINT IS, EVEN THOUGH OBAMA

HAS NOT TAKEN YOUR GUNS, IN

HINDSIGHT, THERE IS NO DOUBT

THAT HE HAS...

( LAUGHTER )

SEE, IT APPEARS BARACK OBAMA HAS

FAILED TO KEEP MANY OF THE

CAMPAIGN PROMISES THAT HIS

OPPONENTS MADE FOR HIM.

( LAUGHTER )

INCLUDING, THE INCREDIBLY

SPECIFIC ONES--

>> HE'S GOING TO HAVE AN EFFORT

TO ELIMINATE FREEDOM OF SPEECH

FOR RUSH LIMBAUGH AND SEAN

HANNITY.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

( LAUGHTER )

>> Jon: IT'S A SHAME THAT

NEWT GINGRICH NEVER GOT TO LIVE

TO SEE THAT DREAM REALIZED

BECAUSE AS WE SAID TONIGHT, IN

ARIZONA, NEWT GINGRICH SWALLOWED

WHOLE BY WHAT ANY OBSERVER WOULD

CONSIDER TO BE A VERY AMBESHES

SNAKE.

( LAUGHTER

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