Da Best Debate Guy Ever

  • Aired:  12/06/11
  •  | Views: 233,517

If the Republican candidates in the debate Donald Trump will be moderating don't satisfy him, f**k it, he'll jump in himself. (4:07)

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK TO THE

SHOW.

HONESTLY, WE'RE JUST RECOVERING

FROM HERMAN CAIN DROPPING OUT OF

THE RACE.

YOU MAY HAVE SEEN MY WRITERS'

REACTION TO THAT NEWS OF HERMAN

CAIN'S WITHDRAWAL.

>> NO!

>> NO!

IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN THIS

WAY!

>> OH GOD, OH MAN!

>> (BLEEP) (BLEEP) (BLEEP).

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: IT WAS UPSETTING.

THEY WEREN'T ALONE.

WHEN CANE DROPPED OUT OF THE

RACE I FELT DESPONDENT.

I WAS DEPRESSED, I WAS LOSING

ALL HOPE THAT MY JOB WOULD EVER

BRING ME JOY AGAIN.

AND...

(LAUGHTER).

AND THEN...

>> WE ARE JUST CONFIRMING THAT

DONALD TRUMP WILL MODERATE A

REPUBLICAN DEBATE ON DECEMBER 27

IN DES MOINES, IOWA.

>> Jon: (WHISPERING)

THANK YOU, JESUS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES WHEN GOD

CLOSES A DOOR HE OPENS A WINDOW!

AND SOMETIMES STANDING OUTSIDE

THAT WINDOW A CIRCUS PEANUT

WEARING A BADGER.

(LAUGHTER)

HERE'S HOW YOU KNOW IT'S GOING

TO BE GREAT!

REGULAR REPUBLICANS, THE ONE WE

USED TO HATE, ARE DOWN RIGHT

SCARED.

>> Jon: IT'S GOING TO BE A

GIANT GO TRIP AND ANYBODY WHO

THINKS THAT DONALD TRUMP IS

GOING TO BE THE EQUIVALENT OF

BRET BAIER OR ANY OF THE OTHER

MODERATES IS KIDDING THEMSELVES.

>> SURE IT'S TIME DO SOMETHING

PRESIDENTIAL AND STAND UP AND

SAY "WE'RE NOT GOING TO BE

HIJACKED AND PARTICIPATE."

>> WELL, I'M NOT GOING TO KISS

HIS RING AND I'M NOT GOING TO

KISS ANY OTHER PART OF HIS

ANATOMY.

(AUDIENCE REACTS).

>> Jon: AREN'T WE A SAUCY

MORMON.

(LAUGHTER)

DONALD?

>> A GUY LIKE KARL ROVE, HE'S

THE ONE THAT GAVE US BUSH WHICH

ULTIMATELY GAVE US OBAMA.

HE'S A POLITICAL HACK.

I'VE READ GEORGE BILL WILL OVER

THE YEARS, HE'S THIRD RATE.

HUNTSMAN WHO'S UPSET.

I MEAN, HE'S GOT SUCH LOW

POLLING NUMBERS, I WOULDN'T FEEL

TOO GOOD IF I HAD 1%.

>> Jon: HEY, I WOULDN'T VOTE

FOR THAT GUY WITH MITT ROMNEY'S

(BLEEP).

(LAUGHTER)

I LOVE THIS GUY!

TRUMP CAN NEVER, EVER, EVER LET

(BLEEP) SLIDE.

HE CAN'T LET ANYTHING GO.

THIS IS HIM YESTERDAY DOING A

PHONE INTERVIEW WITH CHUCK TODD

BUT FIRST HE WANTS TO GET ONE

THING STRAIGHT.

>> I DIDN'T CALL YOU, YOU CALLED

ME ABOUT 40 TIMES.

>> I DID.

>> I DIDN'T CALL YOU SO YOUR

STATEMENT IS FALSE.

IS IT A CORRECT STATEMENT THAT I

DO NOT CALL YOU, YOU CALLED ME?

>> WE CALLED YOU...

>> OKAY, YOU DIDN'T SAY THAT,

THOUGH, CHUCK.

I WISH YOU WOULD JUST BE

STRAIGHT, CHUCK.

BECAUSE HONESTLY I THINK YOU'D

DO A LOT BETTER IF YOU WERE

STRAIGHT.

>> LET ME ASK YOU ABOUT YOUR

DEBATE...

>> Jon: .

>> CHUCK, YOU HAVE TO TELL THE

TRUTH.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: THAT IS THIS MAN IN A

NUTSHELL.

HE CAN'T LET GO OF THE QUESTION

OF WHO CALLED WHO FIRST!

(LAUGHTER)

AND HE'S GOING TO MODERATE A

DEBATE!

YOU THINK WE'RE GOING TO HAVE

FOLLOW-UP QUESTIONS?

NO, I WANT TO HEAR YOU WHAT YOU

SAID WHEN YOU SAID I CUT YOU

OFF.

NO, WHO ARE YOU TO TELL AMERICA

DONALD TRUMP, WHOSE DEBATE THIS

IS HOW TO (BLEEP)ING MODERATE A

DEBATE?

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, I

HANDLE MEATLOAF AND GARY BUSEY,

YOU'RE NOTHING TO ME.

(LAUGHTER)

NOW, IF TRUMP HAD ONLY ANNOUNCED

THAT HE WERE MODERATING A DEBATE

THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN ENOUGH TO

MAKE MY WEEK.

BUT HE DID LET SLIP ONE OTHER

BIT OF GOOD NEWS.

>> THE FACT IS THAT IF THE WRONG

CANDIDATE IS NOMINATED TO RUN, I

WOULD CERTAINLY THINK ABOUT

RUNNING AS AN INDEPENDENT, YES.

>> Jon: HOLY (BLEEP)!

THIS GUY IS MODERATING A DEBATE

DEBATE...

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

IF THE PEOPLE IN THE DEBATE HE'S

MODERATING DON'T SATISFY HIM,

(BLEEP) IT, HE'S JUMPING IN

LAUGHTER)JUMPING IN.(

I WONDER HOW MY WRITERS TOOK

THAT NEWS.

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