Jon Stewart Looks at Floaters

  • Aired:  10/30/13
  •  | Views: 215,968

Google parks a mysterious barge off of San Francisco and shares plans to prolong human existence. (5:07)

>> Jon: AS THE GREAT HERMANMELVILLE WROTE IN HIS

CLASSIC MOBY DICK, OR THEWHALE, LET THE MOST ABSENT

MINDED OF MEN BE PLUNGED INHIS DEEPEST REVERIES, STAND

THAT MAN ON HIS LEGS SAIDHIS FEET, AND HE WILL

INFALLABLY LEAD TO YOU WATER.

(LAUGHTER)DIDN'T EXPECT SILENCE ON

THAT ONE.

READ TO US, BOY, READ TO US.

IT'S LATE AND OUR EYES AREWEARY.

(LAUGHTER)THE SEAFARING TRADITION IS A

NOBLE ONE, THUS TONIGHT WEEXAMINE A FEW RECENT

MARITIME STORIES IN ASEGMENT WE CALL, REALLY, IS

THAT WHAT WE'RE CALLING IT?

(LAUGHTER)>> Jon: I READ FROM

MELVILLE.

IT JUST DOESN'T HAVE THEGRAVITY THAT WE WERE-- FINE.

FIRST UP, PUZZLING MARITIMENEWS FROM THE BAY AREA.

>> MORE THAN A MONTH AFTERTHE AMERICA'S CUP SOMETHING

ELSE IS GRABBING ATTENTIONTHIS MORNING ON THE SAN

FRANCISCO BAY.

>> Jon: PLEASE TELL ME IT ISNOT ANOTHER GHIRARDELLI

CHOCOLATE DRILLING STATIONDISASTER.

STILL LICKING CHOCOLATE OFFTHE BIRDS FROM THE LAST

ONE.

>> FOUR STORIES HIGH, THISBUILDING MADE OF CARGO

CONTAINERS FIRST APPEARED AFEW MONTHS AGO.

SITTING ON A BARGE 250 FEETLONG AND 72 FEET WIDE.

ON TOP ARE DOZENS SPIRESTHAT COULD BE MASTS OR FLAG

POLES OR ANTENNAS.

WHATEVER IT IS, IT'S OFFLIMITS TO THE PUBLIC AND

GUARDED BY PRIVATE SECURITY,CNET REPORTER DANIEL

TERDIMAN BEGAN INVESTIGATINGAND SOON UNEARTHED LEGAL

DOCUMENTS SHOWING THATGOOGLE IS INVOLVED.

>> NOBODY OUTSIDE GOOGLEREALLY KNOWS WHAT IT IS.

>> Jon: THAT'S WEIRD, IT'S AGOOGLE PROJECT THAT NO ONE

IN THE OUTSIDE WORLD KNOWSWHAT IT IS.

I GUESS WHAT THEY'RE SAYINGIT IS GOOGLE PLUS.

BOOM!

BOOM!

BOOM!

-- BOOM!

NOTE TO SELF, GOOGLESHOULDER INJURY.

LET'S SEE, A MYSTERIOUSGOOGLE PROJECT, WELL, I HAVE

A PUCKISH NOTION FOR HOW WEMIGHT CLEAR THIS UP.

YOU MIGHT FIND IT A BITMISCHIEFOUS.

PERHAPS WE USE THE INTERNETAND GOOGLE IT.

>> IF YOU THINK YOU CAN GETTHE ANSWERS JUST BY GOOGLING

IT, GUESS AGAIN.

(LAUGHTER)>> Jon: YOU HAVE MADE A

POWERFUL ENEMY VOICE-OVERGUY.

>> I SEEM TO RECALL ANOTHERODD STORY FROM EARLIER THIS

YEAR.

>> GOOGLE TAKING ITSTECHNOLOGY TO THE

STRATOSPHERE RELEASING 30HIGH-TECH BALLOONS THAT WILL

BRING WIFI INTERNETTO PEOPLE WHO AREN'T

CONNECTED.

>> Jon: RIGHT, WIFI.

DON'T MOST INTERNET HUBSLOOK LIKE GIANT HOVERING

JELLYFISH?

I'M SURE GOOGLE IS NOT USINGTHE SECRET BARGES TO TEACH

OCEAN CREATURES TO FLY SOTHEY CAN RULE THE SEA AND

AIR.

IS THAT WHAT'S HAPPENING?

>> LET'S BE CLEAR, IT'S NOTNORMAL FOR AN INTERNET

SEARCH ENGINE TO LAUNCHSECRET OCEAN VESSELS.

THAT'S WHY THERE IS NO BINGDINGHY OR-- BINGEY, YOU

THINK I'M OVERLY ALARMEDBY GOOGLE'S BOND

VILLAINESQUE AMBITION AND REACH.

>> GOOGLE LAUNCHED A NEWCOMPANY NAMED CALICO THAT

WILL TRY TO REVERSE THEAGING PROCESS AND EXTEND

LIFE.

"TIME" MAGAZINE IS FEATURINGTHE VENTURE ON A COVER

ARTICLE POSING THE QUESTION,CAN GOOGLE SOLVE DEATH?

>> Jon: WHAT ARE YOU UP TO,GOOGLE?

FIRST OF ALL, SOLVE DEATH?

HOW ABOUT FIRST YOU MAKE ALLYOUR APPLICATIONS RUN THE

CORRECT WAY ON THE IPHONE.

THEN WE'LL TALK ABOUTCONQUERING OBLIVION'S ICY

KISS.

WHATEVER IS GOING ON ATLEAST WE CAUGHT IT EARLY.

FIRST THING WE DO IS CONTAINTHIS TO THE SAN FRANCISCO

BARGE.

QUARANTINE IT YOU CAN'T LETTHIS THING MULTIPLY.

>> ANOTHER BARGE REPORTED TOBE REGISTERED TO THE SAME

COMPANY AS THE ONE IN SANFRANCISCO APPEARED ON THE

SHORES OF PORTLAND, MAINELAST WEEK.

>> Jon: I'M PRETTY SURE THISIS HOW THE MOVIE CLOVERFIELD

STARTED.

WATCH OUT, STATUE OFLIBERTY.

LOOK, JUST TO RECAP.

GOOGLE IS SURROUNDING US ONTHE WATER, WATCHING US FROM

THE SKY, AND NOT FORNOTHING, CONSTANTLY

MONITORING, RECORDING EVERYSINGLE STREET IN THE COUNTRY

AND NOW THEY WON'T EVEN LETUS DIE.

(LAUGHTER)AM I THE ONLY ONE FEELING

THREATENED.

I'M BEGINNING TO THINK THEI'M FEELING LUCKY BUTTON ON

GOOGLE SHOULD REALLY BE DO YOUFEEL LUCKY?

WELL, DO YOU?

PUNK?

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