Jonah Hill

  • Aired:  12/06/11
  •  | Views: 34,351

Jonah Hill enjoys disappointing the fans of bigger celebrities and checks into hotels as Tom Hanks just to let the hotel staff down. (6:59)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

MY GUEST TONIGHT, OH, HE'S GOT A

NEW FILM OUT CALLED "THE SITTER.

".

>> WHAT'S HAPPENING MY MAN?

HOW YOU DOING, MAN?

YOU KNOW THIS AIN'T NO PLACE FOR

NO KID.

>> THESE AREN'T KIDS, THESE ARE

LITTLE PEOPLE.

THIS WOMAN IS 48 YEARS OLD.

HER CHILDREN HAVE CHILDREN.

>> I'M A GRANDMA.

>> OH, RIGHT, WHAT'S YOUR NAME,

BABY.

>> SOUL BABY.

>> SOUL BABY?

>> YOU'RE KEEPING IN THE

CONTROL, BABY.

MY NAME IS NOAH JAY BIRD.

>> YOU LIKE TO FLY?

>> I FLY, BABY.

>> FLY, FLY AWAY, BABY.

>> IN THE CLOUDS.

>> THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING

ABOUT.

>> TEARS, NO FEARS.

>> THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING

ABOUT, BABY.

MY BROTHER.

>> Jon: PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO

THE SHOW JONAH HILL.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

YOU...

>> NO YOU.

> Jon: FIRST OF ALL, LET ME.>

SAY THIS.

>> YES.

>> Jon: I DON'T KNOW WHERE ON

LINE YOU ORDER HANDSOME PILLS.

>> YES.

(LAUGHS).

>> Jon: YOU'VE BEEN TAKING

HANDSOME PILLS.

LOOK, YOU... HANGING OUT WITH

BRAD PITT, DOES IT GET ON YOU?

(LAUGHTER)

IS THAT WHAT HAPPENS?

YOU GET...

>> IT GOT ALL OVER MY FACE.

(LAUGHS).

>> Jon: THAT'S WHAT I'M

SAYING.

YOU GET BRAD PITT ALL OVER

YOU...

>> NO, NO.

THANK YOU.

(LAUGHTER)

YOU GET THEM AT WHOLE FOODS.

YEAH.

>> Jon: SO THEY'RE ORGAN

SNICK.

>> YES, YES.

>> Jon: THAT'S VERY NICE.

>> THEY DON'T WORK AS WELL AS

THE ONES AT RITE AID.

>> Jon: THOSE A R THE ONE THEY

MAKE WITH THE PLASTIC COATING.

>> EXACTLY.

>> Jon: BY THE WAY, LAST TIME

YOU WERE HERE I ENDED UP GETTING

A NOTE FROM YOUR THAT YOUR

GRANDMOTHER WANTED TO TALK TO

ME.

OR YOU WANTED ME TO TALK TO HER?

AND I... I DIDN'T GET BACK TO

HER.

>> YEAH.

>> Jon: OR DID I...

>> OH, YES, YEAH.

AND ALSO I WANTED YOU TO CALL MY

GRANDMA.

>> Jon: YOU WANTED ME TO CALL

YOUR GRANDMOTHER.

>> WELL, NANNY, JON STEWART IS

TALKING TO YOU.

>>

>> Jon: I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.

I GOT THE NOTE... THERE WAS NO

NUMBER.

IT SAID "I HAD A NOTE THAT SAID

"CALL MY GRANDMOTHER" BUT THEN

THERE WAS NO NUMBER SO I SAT IN

MY OFFICE LIKE, "GRANDMA?"

LIKE, I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

NOW WHAT WAS IT... FIRST OF ALL,

"MONEYBALL."

YOU WERE AWESOME THIS THAT.

>> THANK YOU, JON.

>> Jon: THAT WAS TREMENDOUS.

(APPLAUSE)

AND THAT THIS ONE LOOKS GREAT,

TOO.

I CAN'T WAIT TO TAKE MY KIDS TO

IT.

IT LOOKS GREAT.

>> YOU SHOULDN'T TAKE... YOU

SHOULDN'T TAKE YOUR KIDS TO THIS

MOVIE.

>> Jon: IT'S ABOUT

BABY-SITTING, I'M ASSUMING IT'S

"ADVENTURES IN BABY-SITTING."

INTRO.

>> YOU MIGHT AS WELL THROW AWAY

MONEY BECAUSE YOU'D PUT YOUR

CHILDREN IN THERAPY.

IT'S KIND OF A RESPONSE TO THOSE

AWFUL MOVIES WHERE IT'S LIKE YOU

DON'T WANT THIS GUY WATCHING

YOUR KIDS BECAUSE HE'S GOING TO

GIVE THEM SOME CANDY AND THEY'RE

GOING TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT.

OUR VERSION IS LIKE, NO, NO, NO,

REALLY... YOU DON'T WANT THIS

GUY WATCHING YOUR KIDS.

(LAUGHTER)

SOMETHING REALLY AWFUL IS GOING

TO HAPPEN.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: THEY'RE NEVER COMING

BACK FROM THAT.

>> THEY'RE GOING TO BE TAKEN ON

A DRUG RUN AND CHASE BID DRUG

DEALERS THROUGH NEW YORK CITY.

IT'S SO (BLEEP)ED UP.

THE MOVIE'S SO... IT'S A SO

AWESOME.

AND "MONEYBALL" IT WAS SUCH A

CRAZY EXPERIENCE.

LIKE, I'M STILL KIND OF... I DID

CHARLIE ROSE TODAY WITH BRAD

PITT AND BENNETT MILL CHER FOR

ME WAS LIKE, YOU KNOW, SUCH A

SURREAL... SNY NOW WHEN BRAD HIT BRAD

PITT IS IN THE ROOM, DO THEY SIT

PEOPLE ACCORDING TO

HANDSOMENESS?

>> IT GOES ME, BRAD, CHARLIE.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: I UNDERSTAND THAT.

>> BUT YOU KNOW WHAT'S CRAZY?

THIS IS ANOTHER RANDOM SUBJECT.

IT'S SHOT IN THE BLOOMBERG

BUILDING AND BRAD WAS THERE AND

PEOPLE WERE OUT OF THEIR OFFICES

WAITING LIKE IT WAS BIEBER

FEVER.

AND I WAS LIKE, MAN, IF I WAS

YOUR BOSS I WOULD FIRE YOU

PEOPLE.

LIKE, I UNDERSTAND IT'S EXCITING

THAT BRAD PITT THERE IS BUT

YOU'RE AT WORK RIGHT NOW!

>> Jon: YOU'VE GOT TO

UNDERSTAND, WORK FOR THEM IS

FOLLOWING A TICKER.

>> EXACTLY.

>> Jon: SO THEY SIT IN THE

THING AND THEY GO "OH, LOOK AT

ALCOA."

AND THEN BRAD PITT'S HERE!

>> (LAUGHS)

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

>> Jon: DON'T SELL YOURSELF

SHORT.

THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN A JONAH

HILL LINE.

>> THERE WERE THREE TEENAGE

ASIAN BOYS THAT WERE PRETTY

EXCITED I WAS THERE.

THEY HAD A "CALL OF DUTY" POSTER

THEY WANTED KNOW SIGN.

BUT BRAD IS THE COOLEST GUY.

HE REALLY IS.

>> Jon: I DON'T WANT TO

BELIEVE THAT.

>> HE IS!

>> Jon: NO, LET ME SAY THIS...

>> HE'S SO HANDSOME.

>> Jon: I WISH HE WAS.

HE'S NOT BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT

TO LIKE HIM SO MUCH.

HE LET ME LIVE IN HIS... I WAS

SHOOTING IN NEW ORLEANS AND HE

LET ME LIVE IN HIS HOUSE.

HE SAID... I'M LIKE, I'M THERE

FOR THREE AND A HALF FOUR MONTHS

HE'S LIKE "THAT'S COOL.

LIVE IN MY HOUSE."

>> Jon: CAN I ASK YOU A

QUESTION VERY QUICKLY?

WAS ANGIE HOME?

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

HOW COOL IS THAT, THEN?

HOW COOL IS HE?

IS HE THAT COOL?

IS HE LIKE...

>> HE'S NOT THAT COOL.

NOT THAT COOL.

BUT HE LET ME LIVE IN HIS HOUSE

AND I WAS SHOOTING A MOVIE "21

JUMP STREET" IN NEW ORLEANS AND

IT WAS SO FUN AND EVERY NIGHT

I'D GET PICKED UP IN A BLACK

S.U.V. AND DROPPED OFF BUT

PEOPLE IN NEW ORLEANS KNOW IT'S

BRAD PITT'S HOUSE, IT'S

LITERALLY ON THE TOUR SO I WOULD

GO HOME EVERYDAY FROM WORK AND

THERE WOULD BE A TOUR OUTSIDE

AND THEY'D BE FREAKING OUT AND

I'D GET OUT OF THE CAR AND

THEY'D LITERALLY GO... YOU COULD

HEAR A COLLECTIVE AUDIBLE SIGH

OF ANNOYANCE WHEN IT WASN'T BRAD

PITT.

EVERYBODY WAS LIKE "OH, IT'S NOT

HIM, JUST SOME GUY!"

(LAUGHTER)

AND THEN YOU HEAR ONE GUY GO

"OH, HEY, IS THAT... OH, OKAY.

OH."

ONE GUY BUT NOT LIKE "HEY, MAN."

JUST LIKE "OH, IT'S THAT GUY."

JUST LIKE THAT.

BUT I KIND OF GOT ADDICTED TO

THAT SIGH OF LETTING PEOPLE

DOWN.

I KIND OF LIKED THAT.

>> Jon: SURE.

YES.

>> SO MY PUBLICIST WHO YOU KNOW

WHO IS BACKSTAGE HE SAID YOU'VE

GOT TO START STAYING UNDER AN

ALIAS IN HOTELS BECAUSE PEOPLE

KNOW YOU'RE THERE AND THEY'RE

CALL UP YOUR ROOM.

SO I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY

TO STAY UNDER SOMEONE'S NAME

WHO'S WAY MORE FAMOUS THAN I AM.

(LAUGHTER)

SO I STAYED UNDER TOM HANKS FOR

A WHILE.

(LAUGHTER)

AND IT WAS SO FUNNY BECAUSE I'D

ORDER ROOM SERVICE AND I'D SAY

"YEAH, I'LL HAVE EGGS BRING IT

UP, WHATEVER YOU K K."

AND I'D LOOK AT THEM THROUGH THE

KEY HOLE AND I'D LIKE LIKE

"HELLO."

THAT'S SO NOT WHAT I WANTED.

(LAUGHS)

>> Jon: THAT'S AN AWESOME DICK

MOVE.

THAT REALLY IS.

>> I'M A HUGE PIECE OF (BLEEP).

>> Jon: STOP IT.

YOU'RE DOING GREAT.

CONGRATULATIONS ON EVERYTHING.

LOOK FORWARD TO IT AND SEE US

AGAIN SOON.

>> LOVELY TO BE BACK HERE.

THANK YOU, JON.

>> Jon: "THE SITTER" HOPES IN

THEATERS ON FRIDAY.

JONAH

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