Actual Democalypse 2012 - Islam's Growing Pains

  • Aired:  09/17/12
  •  | Views: 45,806

John Oliver considers Islam's relatively young age as compared with other major religions, and predicts it will grow out of this awkward phase in half a millennium or so. (3:33)

FOR MORE ON THIS I'M JOINED BY JOHN OLIVER LIVE IN CAIRO.

JOHN, HOW IS EVERYTHING GOING?

WHAT'S HAPPENING?

>> WHAT'S HAPPENING.

JON, IT'S BEAUTIFUL HERE, JON.

FRIENDLY PEOPLE.

RICH HISTORY.

DELICIOUS FOOD.

I'M HAVING A FANTASTIC TIME

>> Jon: REALLY?

THAT'S GREAT

>> NOT REALLY, JON.

OF COURSE NOT.

HAVE YOU BEEN NEAR A [BLEEP]

TELEVISION RECENTLY?

THINGS ARE PRETTY BAD AROUND HERE.

LOOK, I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT FOR US ALL TO PAUSE AND NOTE THAT IT IS CLEARLY NOT THE MAJORITY OF MUSLIMS WHO ARE PROTESTING IN

THE STREETS.

IT'S NOT EVEN THE MAJORITY OF PROTESTORS WHO ARE GETTING VIOLENT.

TO PUT THIS IN CONTEXT, WE SHOULD REALLY REMEMBER ISLAM'S YOUNG AGE.

>> Jon: IT'S 1400 YEARS OLD EXACTLY, JON.

IN RELIGIOUS YEARS ISLAM IS STILL JUST A TEENAGER.

PUT IT IN CONTEXT.

THINK WHAT CHRISTIANITY WAS DOING WHEN IT WAS ONLY 1400 YEARS OLD.

>> Jon: NO, THAT'S NOT...

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: YEAH, I GUESS THAT IS. ..

>> EXACTLY.

BLOODY CRUSADES, THE INQUISITION, EXECUTION OF HAIR TICKS.

CHRISTIANITY IS JUST LUCKY THERE WEREN'T CELL PHONES AROUND THEN TO FILM THAT [BLEEP].

>> Jon: YOU KNOW WHAT?

I MEAN, IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, WHEN JUDAISM WAS STILL A TEENAGER

>> JUDAISM, ARE YOU KIDDING ME.

on: YEAH YOU PEOPLE COULDN'T KEEP YOUR TEENAGE SHOFARS IN YOUR TUNICS.

BEGETTING IN CANAAN

>> Jon: BEGETTING IN BABYLON.

WE WERE BEGETTING SO MUCH WE COULDN'T EVEN STAND ON A MOUNTAIN WITHOUT HAVING TO HOLD A TABLET IN FRONT OF OUR... YOU

KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

>> YOU PEOPLE NEARLY BEGAT YOURSELVES BLIND.

THE POINT IS IS, JON, THERE IS GOOD NEWS.

THAT IS THAT RELIGIONS GROW OUT OF THIS AWKWARD PHASE.

AGAIN LOOK AT CHRISTIANITY.

WE'VE AGED INTO YOUNG ADULTHOOD.

NOW WE CAN ALL LAUGH ABOUT THE TIME WE USED TO BURN YOUNG GIRLS AT THE STAKE FOR BEING LEFT-HANDED.

OR AS WE CALLED IT BACK THEN, WITCH CRAFT.

>> Jon: YEAH, I DON'T THINK THAT'S SO FUNNY.

>> JON, THAT'S BECAUSE YOUR RELIGION IS... IN FACT, HOW OLD ARE YOU?

>> Jon: WE'RE 5773 TODAY.

OBVIOUSLY YOU DON'T LOOK A DAY OVER 5729.

THAT'S A FACT.

>> Jon: WE'VE BEEN JOGGING.

YOU'RE GLOWING.

IT'S WORKING.

THE POINT, JON, IS THAT WE NEED TO BE PATIENT WITH ISLAM.

THEY DO NOT HAVE IT EASY.

REMEMBER, MOST TEENAGERS HAVE SOME MEANS OF ESCAPE FROM THEIR INSECURITY.

THEY SMOKE POT.

THEY EXPERIMENT WITH SEX.

ALL NIGHT BACON PARTIES.

REFORMATION.

MUSLIMS CAN'T DO ANY OF THAT STUFF RIGHT NOW.

>> Jon: YOU'RE SAYING IF WE JUST WAIT 300 TO 400 YEARS

>> HALF A MILLENNIUM AT MOST.

Jon: THEN THERE WILL BE PEACE PEACE?

WHAT?

[BLEEP] NO, JON.

BUT IF WE'RE LUCKY, WE WILL FINALLY STOP FIGHTING OVER REAL OR IMAGINED INSULTS TO OUR RELIGIONS AND GO BACK TO

FIGHTING OVER WHAT REALLY MATTERS: NATURAL RESOURCES AND ARBITRARY LINES ON MAPS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: JOHN OLIVER,

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