South Parked

  • Aired:  01/30/14
  •  | Views: 226,654

Lindsey Graham predicts the world's end, and two inches of snow brings Atlanta to a standstill. (5:58)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILY

SHOW".

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

OUR PROGRAM TONIGHT WE PREPAREDIT.

MY GUEST HOUSE MINORITY LEADERNANCY PELOSI WILL BE JOINING US

OF THE UNITED STATES CONGRESS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]THAT'S HONESTLY THE ONLY

APPLAUSE THE UNITED STATESCONGRESS HAS GOTTEN IN --

[LAUGHTER]-- GOD KNOWS HOW LONG.

FIRST WE'VE SEEN A LOT OFREACTION TO TUESDAY'S STATE OF

THE UNION ADDRESS.

PERHAPS THE MOST ALARMINGREACTION CAME FROM SENATOR

LINDSEY GRAHAM WHO TOLD "ROLLCALL" THAT THE WORLD IS

LITERALLY ABOUT TO BLOW UP.

I WISH IT HAD BEEN ON CAMERA.

I CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER WHAT ITMUST HAVE SOUNDED LIKE WHEN

LINDSEY GRAHAM SAID THAT.

HOW WOULD THAT SOUND IF LINDSEYGRAHAM WOULD SAY HELLO

GOVERNOR -- NO THAT WON'T BE IT.

THE WORLD IS LITERALLY ABOUT TOBLOW UP.

NO, NO THAT WOULDN'T BE IT.

HEY WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO THEWORLD -- NO, NO, NOT IT.

I, SENATOR GRAHAM DO BELIEVE --I DO DECLARE THAT THISTERRESTRIAL VESSEL

WHICH WE INHABIT IS ABOUT TOJUST EXPLODE AND ME JUST HERE

ALL ALONE IN MY SITTING ROOMSURROUNDED BY SWEET TEA AND JUST

MY FIGURINES.

[ LAUGHTER ]I DIDN'T TAKE GRAHAM SERIOUSLY,

YOU KNOW, THAT THE WORLD ISABOUT TO BLOW UP.

YOU KNOW HOW EXCITABLESOUTHERNERS CAN GET --

[LAUGHTER]-- UNTIL I SAW THIS.

>> THE METROPOLITAN ATLANTA AREALARGELY PARALYZED.

>> PREGNANT WOMEN AND CHILDRENTRAPPED ON THE ROADS.

>> CHILDREN LEFT TO SPEND THENIGHT IN THEIR SCHOOLS.

>> AN ABANDONED CAR PURGATORY.

>> LIKE THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE.

>> THE WALKING DEAD.

>> Jon: LORD HAVE MERCY,LINDSEY GRAHAM WAS RIGHT.

HE WAS RIGHT.

I HAVE ALWAYS DEPENDED ON THEKINDNESS OF STRANGERS TO GIVE ME

A RIDE.

[ LAUGHTER ]THE ICE AGE ZOMBIE DOOMSDAY

APOCALYPSE HAS COME TO ATLANTA.

DAMN YOU, GAY MARRIAGE!

WHY DIDN'T WE LISTEN?

I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE --[LAUGHTER]

-- I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE HOW MUCHSNOW IT MUST TAKE TO BRING ABOUT

THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, THREEFEET, TEN FEET.

>> TWO INCHES OF SNOW HIT THEAREA.

[ LAUGHTER ][CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: REALLY, TWO INCHES OF

SNOW?

I MEAN IS THAT WHAT HAPPENS WHENTHE SOUTH IS CONFRONTED BY

SOMETHING NOT SPECIFICALLYMENTIONED IN REVELATIONS?

IS THAT --[LAUGHTER]

-- WE'RE READY FOR THE HORSEMENOF THE APOCALYPSE AND RIVERS OF

BLOOD BUT JESUS DIDN'T SAYNOTHING HERE ABOUT SNOW TIRES.

[LAUGHTER]AND THAT IS NOT TO DIMINISH THE

REAL TROUBLE THE STORM HASCAUSED.

I WOULD NOT WANT TO BE INATLANTA'S SNOWSHOES RIGHT NOW.

>> JENNIFER WILKIN HAS BEEN INHER CAR MORE THAN 20 HOURS.

>> MY BROTHER-IN-LAW SPENT THENIGHT IN A HOME DEPOT.

>> A WOMAN WHO HAS BEEN SITTINGIN A WALGREENS FOR 19 HOURS.

>> SHE HAD TO SLEEP IN THE CAR.

THEY HAD A FRIEND COME ANDDELIVER FOOD TO THEM.

[ LAUGHTER ]>> Jon: FRIEND DIDN'T HAVE ANY

EXTRA SPACE IN THEIR CAR?

MAYBE GIVEN THEM A RIDE HOME SOTHEY WOULDN'T HAVE TO SLEEP --

HEY, MAN, HEARD ABOUT YOURTROUBLE.

HERE IS COCA-COLA AND SLIMJIMS.

GOTTA GO.

THEY COULD HAVE SHARED -- IT'SOKAY FOR TWO PEOPLE TO SHARE A

CAR RIGHT.

I KNOW THE LAST TIME ANYONE INATLANTA CAR POOLED WAS THIS BUT

STILL THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.

[ LAUGHTER ]HOW IS GEORGIA SO ILL-PREPARED,

GOVERNOR?

>> WE HAVE BEEN CONFRONTED WITHAN UNEXPECTED STORM.

THERE'S NOT ANYBODY IN THIS ROOMTHAT COULD HAVE PREDICTED THE

DEGREE AND THE MAGNITUDE OF THEPROBLEM THAT DEVELOPED.

>> Jon: SURE, IGUESS THAT'S PROBABLY THE

CASE UNLESS ANYONE IN THAT ROOMHAD BEEN WATCHING WHAT I GUESS

YOU CALL THE WEATHER.

>> THE WEATHER CHANNEL HAS THELATEST.

>> WE HAVE WINTER STORM WATCHESAND WARNINGS TO ATLANTA.

THERE WILL BE SNOW, SLEET ANDFREEZING RAIN.

>> TWO INCHES OF SNOW THAT WILLSHUT DOWN THE CITY.

>> ACCUMULATION OF 1-2 INCHES.

>> Jon: FOR GOD SAKES GOVERNORYOU WERE GIVEN A MEMO THAT SAIDSTORM ABOUT TO STRIKE

ATLANTA. YOU WERE WARNEDAND THE CALL WAS COMINGFROM INSIDE THE HOUSE.

>> THE WEATHER CHANNEL ISACTUALLY LOCATED IN ATLANTA.

>> Jon: THE WEATHER CHANNEL ISLOCATED IN ATLANTA.

IT'S RIGHT THERE.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]ALSO LOCATED IN ATLANTA --

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]-- ALSO LOCATED IN ATLANTA THE

SOCIETY OF FOR PREVENTION OFHIGHWAY STUCKAGE -- AND THENATIONAL

DEPARTMENT OF SEEING (bleep)COMING.

I'M GOING TO ASK WHERE WERE THEMAYOR AND GOVERNOR WHEN THE

CITIZENS OF ATLANTA WERESTUCK IN THEIR CARS EATING

THEIR OWN PEE-SICLES?

>> THE MAYOR TWEETED ATLANTAWE'RE READY FOR THE SNOW.

HERE HE IS A SHORT TIME LATERNOT IN A SITUATION ROOM OR

EMERGENCY OPERATION CENTER BUTWITH GEORGIA GOVERNOR ACCEPTING

AN AWARD FOR GEORGIAN OF THEYEAR.

>> Jon: WHO DID HE BEAT OUT?

PAULA DEEN AND THE GUY WHO RAPEDNED BEATTY IN DELIVERANCE?

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