Indecision 2012 - The Corn Identity - Top-Tier Candidates

  • Aired:  01/04/12
  •  | Views: 123,681

Even in victory, Mitt Romney's self-described ordinary guy persona feels like it came from an ordinary guy kit that he got at Hammacher Schlemmer for $14 million. (4:47)

TELL ME YOU'D RATHER BE

PRESIDENT THAN LOOK AT THAT.

YOU'D BE LYING.

RON PAUL CAME IN THIRD.

HE SEEMS LESS CONCERNED ABOUT

HIS BRONZE MEDAL SHOWING AND IS

MUCH HAPPIER THEY LET HIM SAY

STUFF LIKE THIS ON TELEVISION.

>> BEWARE THE MILITARY

INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX.

TIME TO GET OUT OF AFGHANISTAN.

I'M WAITING FOR THE DAY WHEN WE

CAN SAY WE'RE ALL AUSTRIANS NOW.

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: DID AN ENTIRE AUDIENCE

AT AN IOWA HILTON JUST CHEER A

REFERENCE TO AN AUSTRIAN

ECONOMIST?

WE HAD TO LOOK UP WHATEVER THE

HELL HE WAS TALKING ABOUT.

THAT'S AWESOME.

THIS CROWD, THEY JUST KNOW

EVERYTHING.

IT'S LIKE BEING AT A JIMMY

BUFFETT SHOW WHERE [BLEEPED] IS

GOING ON AND YOU'RE LIKE, WHY IS

EVERYBODY WEARING A PARROT ON

YOUR HEAD.

PEOPLE ARE HOLDING UP LIGHTERS,

PLAY "ABOLISH THE FED."

NEWT GINGRICH CAME IN FOURTH.

THREE WEEKS AGO HE WAS IN THE

LEAD UNTIL AN INTENSE SERIES OF

NEGATIVE ADS FROM THE ROMNEY

SUPER PAC PUMMELED HIM, BUT I'M

SURE HE WAS GRACIOUS ABOUT IT.

>> I WANT THE THANK EVERYBODY

WHO WORKED ALL FALL,

PARTICULARLY DURING THE

AVALANCHE OF NEGATIVE ADS, ALL

THROUGH BEING DROWNED IN TELLING

DIFFICULT, THE LATEST 30-SECOND

DISTORTION.

THE PEOPLE WHO WANTED TO GET

AMERICA BACK ON THE RIGHT TRACK.

THEY WEREN'T MILLIONAIRES.

THEY WEREN'T FROM WALL STREET.

THEY DIDN'T HAVE A SUPER PAC.

THE MASSACHUSETTS MODERATE.

I DO RESERVE THE RIGHT TO TELL

THE TRUTH.

ON TO NEW HAMPSHIRE.

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: THAT WASN'T A

CONCESSION SPEECH.

THAT WAS LIKE A THINLY VEILED,

PASSIVE AGRESSIVE SPEECH THAT A

INDIVIDUAL MAKES RIGHT BEFORE

THEY SLINK AWAY TO A

SKULL-SHAPED CAVE IN A VOLCANO

AND REEMERGE IN FIVE YEARS AS

SUPERVILLAIN VONN GINGRICH, THE

DARK LORD OF CHAOS WHOM IS

LAUGHING NOW, ROMNEY?

GENETICALLY SUPERCHARGED NEWT.

OF COURSE, ROMNEY COULD AFFORD

TO BE GRACIOUS.

WELL, HE CAN AFFORD PRETTY MUCH

EVERYTHING.

HOW EXPENSIVE CAN GRACIOUS BE?

BUT I IMAGINE HIS EIGHT-VOTE

VICTORY VALIDATES HIS STRATEGY

TO SAY ANYTHING THAT WILL GIVE

HIM AN EIGHT-VOTE VICTORY.

THE.

I LOVE OUR FEESMEDZ I LOVE OUR

CONSTITUTION.

I LOVE OUR LAND.

I LOVE OUR PEOPLE.

I LOVE THE HYMNS OF AMERICA.

AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL, OH

BEAUTIFUL FOR SPACIOUS SKIES,

FOR AMBER WAVES OF GRAIN.

AND ONE MORE VERSE LET ME JUST

QUOTE.

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: WOW, I'VE NEVER HEARD

AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL SOUND LIKE

SOMETHING YOU WERE FORCED TO

MEMORIZE AT EXETER.

EVEN IN VICTORY MITT ROMNEY'S

ORDINARY GUY PERSONA FEELS LIKE

IT CAME FROM A COMMITTED PERSONA

ORDINARY GUY KIT HE GOT FROM

HAMAKER SCHLEMMER FOR $14

MILLION.

MR. SANTORUM, THE SURPRISE

COFIRST PLACE FINISHER, SHOW

ROMNEY HOW IT'S DONE.

>> I WEAVE FOUNDATIONALLY THAT

THE ESSENTIAL ISSUE IN THIS RACE

IS FREEDOM.

MY GANN FARE TAUGHT ME BASIC

THINGS THAT MY DAD TAUGHT ME.

WORK HARD.

WORK HARD AND WORK HARD.

HE LEFT TO THE COAL FIELDS OF

SOUTHWEST PENNSYLVANIA.

HE CONTINUED TO WORK IN THOSE

MINDS UNTIL HE WAS 72 YEARS OLD.

DIGGING COAL.

THOSE HANDS DUG FREEDOM FOR ME.

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: HEY, ROMNEY, FOLLOW

THAT, [BLEEPED] FACE THAT.

IS THE STUFF.

OH, MY GOD, I JUST REALIZED

SOMETHING FOR MITT ROMNEY, RICK

SANTORUM IS THE ACTUAL GUY

ROMNEY IS PRETENDING TO BE.

KUDOS TO SANTORUM.

HE WORKED HARD.

WE'VE HAD GOOD FUN HERE AT THE

SHOW WITH HIS LAST NAME AND ITS

PLACE IN GOOGLE HISTORY, BUT NO

MORE.

WE'RE NOT DOING IT ANYMORE.

IN HONOR OF THE WELL-FOUGHT IOWA

CAUCUS, I'M NOW GOING TO SHRED

THE HOURS AND HOURS OF

HIGH-QUALITY, EMMY ELIGIBLE ASS

JUICE JOKES THAT WE HAD PREPARED

FOR HIM.

HOLD ON.

LET ME JUST... NEVER GOING TO DO

THEM AGAIN NO MATTER HOW

TEMPTING IT MAY BE TO USE SOME

OF THEM.

>> IF YOU SCROLL DOWN, YOU CAN

SEE ALL OF THE COLORS OF THE

COUNTIES, THE BROWN THERE IS

RICK SANTORUM.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE.

>> Jon: DOG WITH SUNGLASSES.

DOG WITH SUNGLASSES.

DOG WITH SUNGLASSES.

FOR US THE BIT HAS RUB ITS

COURSE.

I VOW TO ONLY RIDICULE RICK

SANTORUM FOR HIS ABSURD AND

SOMETIMES VILE

Loading...