Bassem Youssef

  • Aired:  04/24/13
  •  | Views: 85,634

Egyptian satirist Bassem Youssef finds his popularity is directly proportional to the Egyptian government's rage level. (7:46)

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

MY GUEST TONIGHT, HE HOSTS A

SATEERKAL NEWS BEDROOM PRM IN

EGYPT CALLED AL BERNAMEG.

♪ ♪ ♪

>> Jon: PLEASE WELCOME BACK

TO THE PROGRAM, BASSEM YOUSSEF!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

BASSEM YOUSSEF.

BASSEM YOUSSEF.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

BASSEM!

WHAT, WHAT, WHAT WAS THAT?

WHAT WAS THAT?

>> I'M A-- AMERICA IS NOT THAT

SAFE ANYMORE.

IT'S VERY DANGEROUS.

IT'S LIKE-- I'M A LITTLIBILITY

SCARED TO BE HERE.

( LAUGHTER ).

>> Jon: WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU'RE SCARED OF US?

>> YES.

>> Jon: NO, NO, NO, WE'RE

SCARED OF YOU, YEAH.

WE'RE SCARED OF YOU.

>> HE'S GOT A POINT --

>> NO.

WE ARE SCARED OF YOU.

HAVEN'T YOU WATCHED FOX NEWS?

( LAUGHTER )

HAVEN'T YOU SEEN ANN COULTER?

>> Jon: NO, I HAVEN'T.

>> NOW I CAN'T AWARE MY HIJAB.

I SAW ANN COULTER ABOUT THREE

TABLES AWAY, AND THE NEGATIVE

ENERGY.

>> Jon: YOU CAN EVEN FEEL

IT ACROSS THE ROOM?

>> JUST LIKE A ZOMBIE WILL NOT

GENERATE THAT KIND OF NEGATIVE

ENERGY.

>> Jon: REALLY?

>> YES, YES.

>> Jon: YOU KNOW, I HAD NO

IDEA.

DID YOU HAVE A NICE TIME-- THIS

"TIME 100" DINNER.

>> YEAH.

>> Jon: THAT MUST HAVE BEEN

A LOT OF FUN.

I PERSONALLY THINK PEOPLE'S MOST

BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE IS THE HONOR

THAT SHOULD BE GOING TO YOU, BUT

THE TIME 100 IS ALSO A GOOD

HONOR.

WHAT WAS THE DINNER LIKE?

>> OH, THEY HAD THIS, LIKE

LITTLE ENTREE WHERE'S THEY HAVE,

LIKE,UN, THREE PEAS, AND EVERY

PEA HAD A STORY.

LIKE THIS DUCK WAS LEFT TO ROAM

INTO THE FIELDS OF VERMONT.

LIKE, DID IT HAVE A PEDICURE

BEFORE YOU KILLED IT?

DID IT HAVE A MASSAGE?

ITS NAME WAS FRANK.

THE DINNER WAS GREAT.

JIMMY KIMMEL WAS AN INCREDIBLE

HOST, AND HE MENTIONED ME IN THE

TOAST.

AND HE SAID, WE APPRECIATE WHAT

YOU'RE DOING, YOU'RE RISKING

YOUR LIFE.

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO

JUST COME HERE AND STAY AT MY

HOUSE.

HE CAN GET OUT.

>> Jon: RIGHT.

>> IT WAS A GREAT DINNER.

>> Jon: HEARSAY THE I THINK

I WANT TO ASK YOU.

YOU HAD THESE ACCOLADES FROM

"TIME" MAGAZINE, FROM AROUND THE

WORLD.

IN EGYPT THEY LOVE YOU.

DOES THIS HELP YOU WITH THE

EGYPTIAN GOVERNMENT THAT NOW

WANTS TO ARREST YOU AND SILENCE

AND YOU DO ALL THESE THINGS?

DOES IT MAKE THEM ANGRIER TO SEE

HOW POPULAR YOU'VE BECOME-- IT

DOES MAKE THEM ANGRIER.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> YES!

YES!

I LOVE IT.

>> Jon: WHY?

>> HERE IS THE THING.

YOU KNOW, ALL AROUND THE WORLD

THERE ARE ACTIVISTS,

JOURNALISTS, TV ANCHOR BEING

INCARCERATED AND HUNTED DOWN FOR

THEIR OPINIONS.

BUTUN WHAT?

ONCE GUAFTER A-- YOU GO AFTER A

JOKER?

YOU CAN'T TAKE A JOKE.

I KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE A SENSE OF

HUMOR, BUT DO YOU HAVE TO BE A

SORE LOSE ?ER HERE IT IS, THEY

THINK THAT THEY CAN GET AWAY BY

THEIR OWN AGENDA AND THEY WILL

TELL YOU, "OH, YES, IT'S A

DEMOCRACY.

YOU CAN SAY WHAT YOU WANT, BUT

BE POLITE.

BE NICE.

BE PRESENTABLE."

IT'S LIKE WHAT IS THAT?

>> Jon: RIGHT.

( LAUGHTER ).

IS IT THE IDEA, TOO, THEY DON'T

UNDERSTAND BY GOING AFTER

SOMEONE WHO IS TEASING THEM,

THAT NOT A PROJECTION OF POWER

AND STRENGTH.

>> GREAT WEAK GLNS GREAT

WEAKNESS AND A VERY SURPRISING

NEWS.

>> THEY ARE INSECURE.

THEY ARE LOATS INTO THEIR

TEENAGED YEARS.

( LAUGHTER ).

THEY STILL HAVE PIMPLES AND THEY

HAVE TO DEAL WITH THEIR-- I

DON'T KNOW-- BODILY HAIR.

>> Jon: SURE, I UNDERSTAND.

>> Jon: WE'VE ALL BEEN

THERE, BASSEM, WE'VE ALL BEEN

THERE.

>> MIDTRAINIAN PEOPLE CAN TELL

YOU MORE --

>> I'M WITH YOU.

I'M WITH YOU.

WHEN THEY BROUGHT YOU IN FOR

QUESTIONING, THEY COME AND THEY

ARREST YOU-- I WANT TO MAKE SURE

I GET THE CHARGES RIGHT BECAUSE

I CERTAINLY WOULDN'T WANT TO--

DO THAT-- THEY SAID THEY WERE

DEN DWRAITING, SPREADING FALSE

NEWS WITH THE AIM OF DISRUPTING

PUBLIC ORDER AND DIMINISHING THE

PRESIDENT'S STATURE.

>> YES.

>> Jon: GOING D.C.LY AND

ABROAD ALTHOUGH HE SEEMS TO BE

DOING A VERY GOOD JOB OF

DIMINISHING HIS OWN STATURE.

>> THERE ARE NEW ONES COMING UP.

>> Jon: WHAT ARE THE NEW

ONES?

>> PROPAGATING AND PROMOTING

HOMOSEXUALITY, AND OBSCENITY.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT, ALL

RIGHT.

UN WHAT?

WE ACTUALLY-- WE HAVE A SHOW

LIKE THAT.

WE CALL IT "GLEE."

>> INCITING VIOLENCE AND

PROMOTING CIVIL WAR.

>> Jon: WHAT!

>> YEAH, YEAH, AND INSULTING THE

STATE OF PAKISTAN.

>> Jon: WHOA!

YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN TROUBLE IN

PAKISTAN NOW, TOO?

>> THEY'RE RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS.

( LAUGHTER ).

>> Jon: IS THERE NO SENSE,

THOUGH, THAT WHEN YOU WERE DOING

THIS VERY SAME THING TO MUBARAK

AND PEOPLE WERE TAKING TO THE

STREETS, THAT THAT WAS-- THEY

WERE ENCOURAGING THAT.

BUT NOW THAT THEY ARE IN POWER

THEIR IDEA S, BOY, THAT WAS

GREAT, BUT SHUT UP."

>> YEAH, HERE'S A BETTER THING.

NOW THEY SAY, WE'RE SITTING

ACROSS THE TABLE, IT'S LIKE LOOK

AT HIM SITTING WITH THE JEWS.

THE JEWS ARE PROMOTING HIM.

AMERICA IS BEHIND --

>> THEY PUT THAT OUT THERE.

IT'S A CONSPIRACY.

>> WHY DOES AMERICA-- WHY DOES

AMERICA SUPPORT BASSEM?

FAZ AMERICA DIDN'T TELL MUBARAK

TO LEAVE, AND AMERICA IS NOW

SUPPORTING THE MUSLIM

BROTHERHOOD AND GIVE THEM

BILLIONS OF DOLLARS OF MILITARY

AID.

>> Jon: THAT AMERICAN

SUPPORT IS VERY ACCEPTABLE.

>> IT'S KIND OF LIKE A FLEXIBLE

SUPPORT.

WHEN WE NEED IT, IT'S NICE.

WHEN PRESIDENT MORSE SEON THE

COVER OF THE "TIME" IT'S LOOK AT

THAT.

BUT WHEN I AM ON THE COVER IT'S

TRAITOR.

NOW WE IN THEIR MEDIA.

>> Jon: DON'T YOU THINK IF

JEWS CONTROLLED THE MEDIA,

THOUGH, WE WOULDN'T BE ON BASIC

CABLE RIGHT NOW?

DON'T YOU, I WOULD HAVE GIVEN

MYSELF A NETWORK JOB?

( APPLAUSE )

THEY JUST DON'T,.

HERE'S WHY YOU HAVE MY UNDYING

SUPPORT AND FRIENDSHIP.

ARE YOU DOING WHAT I TAKE FOR

GRANTED ALL THE TIME AND FORGET

SOMETIMES.

YOU ARE CARVING OUT THE SPACE

FOR PEOPLE TO BREATHE AND

EXPRESS THEMSELVES IN A WAY THAT

I THINK IS INCREDIBLY ADMIRABLE.

AND I JUST-- I JUST HAVE NOTHING

BUT THE FONDEST--

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

STICK AROUND.

WE'LL TALK A LITTLE BIT MORE

ABOUT IT.

BASSEM YOUSSEF.

WE'LL BE BACK.

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