West Wing Story

  • Aired:  06/15/11
  •  | Views: 236,029

Barack Obama fulfills a campaign promise to return to Puerto Rico for four hours. (5:54)

CAPTIONING SPONSORED BY

COMEDY CENTRAL

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

[APPLAUSE]

>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILY

SHOW."

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

BIG ONE TONIGHT.

OH, YEAH, BABY.

THAT'S RIGHT, JON STEWART, HOST

OF "THE DAILY SHOW" IN 2011.

AND YET I'VE BEEN IN THE

BUSINESS FOR OVER 20 YEARS, SO

THERE ARE OTHER THINGS THAT I'VE

DONE THAT YOU COULD MENTION.

[LAUGHTER]

WHEN I WAS YOUNGER.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

I FEEL LIKE THE AUDIENCE TONIGHT

JUST LOOKED ME UP ON WIKIPEDIA.

WHEN THEY'RE ASKING ME

QUESTIONS.

YOU WERE IN ELMO PALOOZA 2002.

ON THE SHOW TONIGHT, TREY PARKER

AND MATT STONE.

NO, NO!

YOU KNOW WHAT, MATT STONE AND

TREY PARKER ARE ON THE SHOW.

THAT'S RIGHT.

IT ENDS TONIGHT.

EARLIER THIS WEEK, EARLIER THIS

WEEK WHILST REPUBLICAN

CANDIDATES SPARRED OVER WHO BEST

COULD EVEN SLIGHTLY DELAY THE

INEVITABLE DECAY OF AMERICA INTO

A GAY, ISLAMIC CALIFANT,

PRESIDENT OBAMA FULFILLED A

CAMPAIGN PROMISE TO RETURN TO

THE ISLAND OF PUERTO RICO,

THOUGH LIKE MOST NEW YORKERS, I

ASSUMED IT WAS THE PRESIDENT'S

WAY OF TRYING TO AVOID THE

TRAFFIC FROM SUNDAY'S PUERTO

RICAN DAY PARADE.

WORST DRIVING KAY OF THE YEAR,

ASIDE FROM OBVIOUSLY ST.

PATRICK'S DAY AND THE GAY PRIDE

PARADE, AND, OF COURSE, THE

TRAFFIC DAY PARADE THAT.

IS THE WORST OF THE... WHY WOULD

YOU HAVE A PARADE CELEBRATING...

OKAY.

[LAUGHTER]

OBAMA'S TRIP MARKED FIRST

OFFICIAL VISIT TO PUERTO RICO BY

A SITTING PRESIDENT SINCE JOHN

F. KENNEDY, AND HIS FAMOUS

SPEECH 50 YEARS AGO, "ESTOY EIN

PUERTO RICAN, UH, OR SAN JUANA,

UH."

CLEARLY THIS WOULD BE AN

HISTORIC OCCASION.

>> THE PRESIDENT IS SPENDING

ABOUT FIVE HOURS IN THE U.S.

TERRITORY.

>> Jon: OH, FIVE HOURS.

WELL, I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT THIS

ISN'T REALLY A PRESIDENTIAL

VISIT, MORE OF A LAYOVER ON HIS

WAY TO ST. BART'S, BUT NO

HISTORIC FIVE-HOUR STATE VISIT

WOULD BE COMPLETE WITHOUT A

STIRRING ADDRESS AND N A

FLAG-DRAPED AIRPORT HANGAR JUST

FEET FROM THE STILL-IDLING PLANE

THE PRESIDENT JUST LANDED IN.

>> IT IS GOOD TO BE BACK IN

PUERTO RICO.

>> Jon: QUE BUENO.

BARACK OBAMA, QUE BUENO, PUERTO

RICO.

ADDED SOME SPICY PRONUNCIATION.

I DON'T THINK HE'S GOING TO BE

ABLE TO KEEP THAT UP.

>> OUR HEALTH CARE REFORM

INCLUDED HELP FROM PUERTO RICO.

THESE PROBLEMS DIDN'T DEVELOP

OVER NIGHT HERE IN PUERTO RICO,

HERE IN PUERTO RICO.

HERE IN PUERTO RICO AND ALL

ACROSS AMERICA.

>> Jon: THERE YOU GO, FOLKS.

"PUERTO" TO "PORTO" IN JUST

UNDER EIGHT MINUTES.

IF YOU'RE GOING TO KEEP UP THE

"PUERTO," YOU HAVE TO GET IN THE

HABIT OF SAYING PARROTS PATIENT

ALL THE TIME.

"PUERTO POTTY."

I WILL PICK YOU UP AT THE "PUERT

AUTHORITY."

OF COURSE, THE ACT SENGTD

PRONUNCIATION ON THEIR HOME

ISLAND IS NOT THE ONLY TRICK

ROLLED UP THE PRESIDENT'S

SLEEVE.

>> EVERY BORIQUAS IS HERE.

MARC ANTHONY SHOWED UP TODAY.

EVEN IN THE NBA FINALS JJ BAREA

IS DOING GOOD ON THE HOOPS.

THEIR WILLINGNESS TO SACRIFICE

IS AS AMERICAN AS APPLE PIE, OR

AS ARROZ CON GANDULES.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

>> Jon: HE NAILED THAT ONE,

HUH?

HE HAD TO CHECK HIS PAPER THREE

TIMES ON THAT ONE.

ARROZ...

CON...

[LAUGHTER]

[BLEEPED]

GANDULES.

ALL RIGHT.

SO HE NAILED IT.

WHAT'S NEXT?

>> NOW THE PRESIDENT LEFT ABOUT

AN HOUR EARLIER THAN EXPECTED SO

HE SPENT A TOTAL OF FOUR HOURS

HERE.

>> Jon: FOUR HOURS.

SEE, THIS IS WHAT YOU CAN DO

WHEN YOU DON'T BRING BIDEN

ALONG.

YOU CAN JUST GET IN AND OUT AND

SALE TEAM SIX THAT.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO SPEND TIME

SITTING ON THE TARMAC WHILE OLD

J.P. GOES BO DEREK.

SEVEN HOURS ON A PLANE TO SPEND

FOUR HOURS IN PUERTO RICO.

THE PRESIDENT MUST BE REALLY

DRIVEN TO FULFILL ALL OF HIS OLD

CAMPAIGN PROMISES.

OR...

>> THE 11 STATES WITH THE

HIGHEST PUERTO RICAN POPULATION

ALSO HAVE MOST OF THE ELECTORAL

VOTES HE WOULD NEED TO BE

REELECTED.

>> I MEAN, FLORIDA WOULD

PROBABLY BE THE BIGGEST PRIZE

THAT THE PRESIDENT HAS HIS EYES

ON.

OF COURSE, ALWAYS A

BATTLEGROUND.

847,000 PUERTO RICANS.

YOU LOOK AT STATES LIKE NEW

JERSEY, PENNSYLVANIA, OTHER KEY

BATTLEGROUNDS, 366,000 PUERTO

RICANS.

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: ANYONE ELSE WEIRDED

OUT ABOUT JUST HOW "RAIN MAN"

SPECIFIC ED HENRY'S NUMBER OF

PUERTO RICANS IN AMERICA

KNOWLEDGE IS?

[AS ED HENRY]: "THEN THE

PRESIDENT LANDED AT DULLES

AIRPORT, EMPLOYER OF 78 PUERTO

RICANS.

[LAUGHTER]

HEADED BACK TO THE WHITE HOUSE,

PASSING 3,700 PUERTO RICANS.

IN HIS 22-MINUTE DRIVE.

I HAVE THEIR NAMES."

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