British News Crowndup

  • Aired:  11/10/10
  •  | Views: 81,942

A politician loses his seat after making false statements about an opponent, and Queen Elizabeth II looks for her old high school boyfriend on Facebook. (5:31)

>> Jon: HELLO.

I DIDN'T NOTICE YOU COME IN.

[LAUGHTER]

WELCOME BACK WELL.

OUR COUNTRY STILL REALING FROM A

CONTENTIOUS ELECTION IT'S NICE

TO KNOW WE'RE IN THE THE ONLY

COUNTY IN THIS RECOVERY.

IT'S TIME TO CATCH UP WITH OUR

FRIENDS ACROSS THE POND, THE

LATEST INSTALLMENT OF THE

BRITISH NEWS GROUND UP.

WE BEGIN IN PARLIAMENT WHICH IS

MINUS ONE NEWLY ELECTED DBRUM

MING PAPER WAVING GUY.

>> PHIL WILLIS MADE FULL

STATEMENTS ABOUT HIS DEMOCRAT

RIVAL DURING THE AGAIN ELECTION

CAMPAIGN.

AS A RESULT THEY HAVE DEKHRAEURD

THE RESULT OF THE ELECTION VOID

AND HAVE ORDERED A RERUN TO TAKE

PLACE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>>

THEY VOIDED THE NORTHERN -- WHAT

IS TO STOP THAT LEADERLESS AND

ASHY FROM SPREADING TO ASHTON ON

THE LYNN OR --

[LAUGHTER]

>> THEIR CITIES HAVE VERY

AMUSING NAMES?

BRITAIN POLITICIANS CAN LOSE

THEIR SEAT FOR MAKING FALSE

STATEMENTS

STATEMENTS ABOUT THEIR OPPONENTS

WOW, THAELSZ HOW OUR PEOPLE GET

ELECTED.

WHAT DID HE ACCUSE THE GUY OF

MURDER?

>> HE IS NOW BEEN FOUND GUILTY

OF ILLEGAL PRACTICES CLAIMING

THAT HIS OPPONENT COURTED MUSLIM

MILITANTS WHO STIRRED UP

VIOLENCE AGAINST THE LABOR.

HE SUGGESTED THAT WATKINS

REFUSED TO CONDEMN THE THREAT IN

PURSUIT PF PERSONAL ADVANTAGE.

>> Jon: WHAT KIND OF COUNTRY

ARE THEY RUNNING OVER THERE?

DON'T THEY KNOW IF YOU CAN'T

FALSELY ACCUSE YOUR RIVAL OF

SUPPORTING TERRORISM THEN THE

TERRORISTS HAVE WON?

[LAUGHTER]

IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

[LAUGHTER]

WHILE SOME PORTS OF COUNTRY

ARE -- OTHERS ARE VERYING OFF

THE SHACKLES OF TRADITION AND

STEPPING INTO THE NEW WORLD.

>> MILLIONS OF USERS ARE ABLE TO

LOG ON FACEBOOK AND FIND HER

MAJESTY AFTER QUEEN ELIZABETH

LAUNCHED HER OWN PAGE ON THE

FACEBOOK NETWORK TODAY.

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: SOMEONE IS LOOKING FOR

HER OLD HIGH SCHOOL BOYFRIEND.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I'LL TELL YOU THAT IS PROBABLY A

GOOD SIGN IT'S TIME FOR ME TO

GET ON FACEBOOK.

IF BRITAIN'S 84-YEAR-OLD MONARCH

IS EMBRACING IT, YOU KNOW IT'S

COOL.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I THINK I'M GOING TO FRIEND HER

MAJESTY.

I'M LOOKING AT THE PAGE AT THE

MOMENT.

YOU CAN'T FRIEND HER.

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: I UNDERSTAND WANTING

TO HAVE SOME BOUNDARIES.

THERE'S SOMETHING THINGS YOU CAN

DO ON FACEBOOK, RIGHT PERHAPS I

COULD POKE HER.

>> YOU CAN'T POKE HER.

>> Jon: THANKS FOR THE ADVICE

BUT I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING I'M

JUST GOING TO GIVE HER A LITTLE

POKE.

>> NO ONE CAN POKE THE QUEEN.

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: YOU CAN YOU CANNOT

TELL ME WHO I CAN AND CANNOT

POKE.

THE FOUNDING FATHERS FOUGHT A

WAR TO POKE THE QUEEN.

PREPARE TO BE POKED.

>> WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, JON WHAT

ARE YOU DOING?

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING,

JON?

STOP!

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: YOU KNOW WHAT I'M DOG.

>> I CAN SEE WHAT YOU ARE DOG.

>> Jon: ON MY INVISIBLE

COMPUTER SCREEN.

>> I'M GUESSING.

YOU CAN'T POKE A SITTING MONARCH

HER BLOODLINE -- DON'T DO.

THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.

HER BLOOD LINE WAS CHOSEN BY

GOD, JON TO RULE OVER BRITAIN

WITH DIGNITY AND GRACE FOR SOME

COMMONER WITH A NETZERO ACCOUNT

TO LAY A VIRTUAL FINGER UPON THE

ROYAL PERSON.

IT'S UNFATHOMABLE, JON.

>> Jon: SORRY, I DIDN'T KNOW

YOU FELT SO STRONGLY ABOUT THIS.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

I WON'T DO IT.

>> THANK GOD.

FOR THAT.

>> Jon: I POKED HER!

CONSIDER HER POKED.

BOOM!

>> NO!

NO!

>> Jon: JON POKED THE QUEEN

OH, YEAH, OH, YEAH.

>> WAIT, WAIT?

>> Jon: YES.

>> YOU ARE STILL HERE, JON.

>> Jon: RIGHT.

>> YOU DIDN'T TURN INTO DUST.

>> Jon: NO.

>> DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT

THIS MEANS?

>> Jon: I WENT DIGITAL

PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY ON YOUR HEAD

OF STATE?

NO, JON, IT MEANS YOU ARE THE

ONE FOR LEGEND HAS IT THAT HE OR

POKEth THE QUEEN AND LIVEth

SHALL BE THE ONE TRUE RULER OVER

ALL OF BRITAIN.

MY LEASH.

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Jon: PLEASE, PLEASE.

ENOUGH I'M NOT YOUR LEISE.

YOU ARE CONFUSING THIS WITH

CAMELOT AND THE SWORD AND THE

STONE.

>> THEY SAID YOU WOULD STAY THAT

SHOULD A TACK.

>> Jon: SURE ATTACK.

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