The Bod Squad

  • Aired:  06/20/12
  •  | Views: 29,262

The media speculates on the diplomatic implications of chilly body language between President Obama and Vladimir Putin. (4:25)

(LAUGHTER) BUT, OF COURSE, OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT, PRESIDENT OBAMA, WHO IS

ATTENDING THE G-20 SUMMIT IN MEXICO WHERE HE'S BEEN MEETING WITH WORLD LEADERS AND PERHAPS

CHECKING WHETHER DRUG LORD GUN SALES ARE HITTING THEIR QUOTAS.

(LAUGHTER) ALL RIGHT.

RUSSIAN PRESIDENT VLADIMIR PUTIN IS THERE AS WELL.

PERHAPS WE CAN LEAN ON PUTIN TO STOP SELLING HIS WEAPONS TO SYRIAN WAR LORDS BECAUSE SELLING

WEAPONS TO VIOLENT FOREIGN...

OH, (BLEEP).

(LAUGHTER) ANYWAY, EXECUTIVE PRIVILEGE!

IT'S OBVIOUSLY A VERY TENSE AND COMPLICATED DIPLOMATIC ISSUE.

>> TALK ABOUT THE BIG CHILL.

LET'S SEE THIS.

THIS IS BODY LANGUAGE BETWEEN PRESIDENT OBAMA AND RUSSIAN PRESIDENT VLADIMIR PUTIN.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: REALLY?

BODY LANGUAGE?

WE CAN REALLY TRY AND DIVINE THE STATUS OF INTERNATIONAL POLICY NEGOTIATION IT IS SAME WAY

MYSTERY ON THE PICKUP ARTIST LETS NERDS KNOW IF GIRLS ARE INTO THEM?

ARE WE DOING THAT?

>> THE TWO MEN BARELY LOOKED AT EACH OTHER.

>> THEY DID NOT SIT VERY CLOSE TOGETHER.

>> THEY WERE NOT MAKING EYE CONTACT.

>> YOU DIDN'T SEE ANY SMILES.

>> THEY COULD NOT HAVE BEEN MORE FAR APART PHYSICALLY.

>> PUTIN APPEARED TO LEAN AWAY.

>> MEDIA REPORTS DESCRIBE THEIR DEMEANOR AS "CHILLY" LIKE A COLD MOSCOW WINTER.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: OBAMA LOOKED NERVOUS AND VLADIMIR DRANK ONLY WATER.

IS THIS COUPLE ON THE OUTS OR ARE THEY EXPECTING A BABY?

(LAUGHTER).

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) LOOK, I KNOW IT'S A FUN GAME TO PLAY TO INTERPRET GESTURES BUT I

WOULDN'T READ TOO MUCH INTO THE CHILLY NATURE OF THE MEETING.

THIS IS PUTIN WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN PUTIN NOT LOOK ICY?

(LAUGHTER) THIS IS HIM TWO MONTHS AGO AT HIS INAUGURATION!

(LAUGHTER) THAT'S A GREAT DAY FOR PUTIN.

THIS IS HIM TWO WEEKS LATER AT HIS SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY.

(LAUGHTER) THIS IS PUTIN PLAYING WITH KITTENS.

(LAUGHTER) THIS IS HIM PERSONALLY ORDERING THE DEATH OF A REPORTER.

SAME FACE!

THIS IS VLADIMIR PUTIN FULL OF CHILD LIKE WONDER AT THE FIRST SNOW OF WINTER.

(LAUGHTER) FIRST SNOW OF WINTER WHICH, IN RUSSIA, I BELIEVE, COMES A WEEK

AFTER THE LAST SNOW OF THE PREVIOUS WINTER.

SO THE PERES HAS SPENT HOURS DISSECTING THE BODY LANGUAGE.

PROBABLY JUST ABOUT TIME FOR...

>> ARE WE MAKING TOO MUCH OF A BIG DEAL?

>> Jon: THERE YOU GO.

(LAUGHTER) THE 1213 HAND WRINGER FROM ROCKEFELLER PLAZA.

THAT'S YOUR LAMESTREAM LIBERAL MEDIA FOR YOU.

WALL-TO-WALL COVERAGE OF SOMETHING THAT THEY'RE NOT SURE IF IT REALLY MATTERS.

THAT'S WHY YOU CAN SEE THE GENIUS OF FOX NEWS, THEY KNOW THIS IS ENORMOUSLY IMPORTANT.

>> VLADIMIR PUTIN LOOKS AT OUR LEADERS AND HE SEES WEAKNESS.

>> AT ONE POINT THE PRESIDENT'S CHEEK WAS TWITCHING.

>> AS THOUGH THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN A TELLTALE SIGN OF STRESS.

>> PRESIDENT OBAMA WHO STILL THINKS, GEE, IF I'M NICE TO HIM

WE'LL GET SOMETHING OUT OF IT.

>> THIS IS PUTIN WHO THINKS IN STRATEGIC TERMS SPEAKING TO SOMEBODY HE CONSIDERS AND ADOLESCENT.

>> SORT OF REMINISCENT OF THE KRUSCHEV/KENNEDY SUMMIT WHICH ENCOURAGED KRUSCHEV TO PUT

MISSILES IN CUBA.

>> Jon: (LAUGHS) HOLY (BLEEP).

(LAUGHTER) THE LIBERAL MEDIA'S ALL "THEY'RE LEANING AWAY FROM EACH OTHER,

WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS." SKWROBGS JUMPS IN "HE'S A WEAK

CHILD WHO IS BRINGING AMERICA TOWARDS A NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST!" THE ONLY THING MISSING: THE LAST

CREATIVE CUE DEGRAS TO TIE THIS INCIDENT UP INTO A BOW, TO CONTRAST THIS DEBACLE AT A TIME

WHEN AMERICA WAS AT ITS GREATEST USING RANDOM JUXTAPOSITION.

>> COMPLETELY OPPOSITE OF PRESIDENT REAGAN DURING THE WORLD WAR.

PRESIDENT REAGAN WAS VERY CLEAR FROM THE OUTSET IN HIS DEALS WITH THE RUSSIANS.

YOU MAY REMEMBER THIS CHESTNUT.

>> MR. GORBACHEV, TEAR DOWN THAT WALL.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) (LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS HOW IT'S DONE.

THAT'S HOW YOU TAKE A FEW SECONDS OF OBAMA VIDEO, TURN IT INTO A RICH SOUP OF

DECONTEXTUALIZED IMAGERY DESIGNED TO BYPASS THE FRONTAL CORTEX AND GO STRAIGHT TO THE

AMYGDALAS OF OLD PEOPLE.

(LAUGHTER) TRIGGERING CASCADES OF DOPAMINE AND GIVING THEM ALL A GIANT REAGAN BONER.

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